Has therapy helped anyone move past this ?

[Idsrvt2]

Despite me thinking last night I felt better today I'm crying again.
I didn't eat yesterday st all .

My life is barely hanging on, I have a huge move coming up... .I don't want to move I like it here , plus my x is also here... .I feel shredded to pieces ... I guess it's like the one connection I have left with him will be gone,,,after the PO is lifted in a few months if I was still here there would be a chance to bump into them... .but no way there won't of course ... .

I was in therapy years ago... .it helped some, but the therapist was not a good fit... so I stopped. 
I think I need someone to figure out why instead of me telling the person I'm with I miss them I often lash out at why they have left me home early or just withdrawn from me etc.

In a perfect world I wish he did not get the PO and we could have had closure or ended as friends atleast... .he could have helped me pack etc. as promised

He supposedly cared so much but left me to rot

[Infern0]

I can only speak to my own experiences but I couldn't afford therapy and have made a good recovery without it.

i used YouTube videos a lot, but you need to use the correct ones, because a lot, if not MOST of the channels out there are actually just ways of venting bitterness disguised as offering help.

Melanie Tonia Evans has the absoloute BEST channel for recovering from BPD or NPD relationships, and I just assimilated everything I could from that.

use youtube mp3 converter (google it) to download her vids as mp3's then go on long walks (excercise helps) and listen to her stuff.

This was what helped me get past the initial stages.

[TitansBraves2017]

Yes it has helped me tremendously. I can better see how things really are and how I have dodged a bullet. Even though it may not be pleasant right now, things will be better down the road.

[Idsrvt2]

I guess I have this false hope that since they are in therapy that maybe they will show up at the next court date and apologize to me ... for me I know I have to see them again... so it's like I can't fully move on... .even when I move from here and won't see him delivering mail ... .still have to see him in July.  I know I could say nothing as I'm sure his entourage will be there again supporting him, since I'm some crazy woman .   If anything I'm mad at himself family for not getting him help years ago and thus having him wreck my life. 

Im. glad to hear therapy helped you. How far out are you now?  I just emailed one therapist for an appt, he seems good, even if I have to pay, would be worth a few sessions .  I just wish I could have stayed friends and wished I did as he said and gave him space so he could get therapy.

For me he will always be in my heart

Yes it has helped me tremendously. I can better see how things really are and how I have dodged a bullet. Even though it may not be pleasant right now, things will be better down the road.

[hotncold]

It helped me but I would say it was not the only thing. For me a therapist was really helpful in creating a safe space where my reality was not challenged, distorted, rejected, judged. That was important since I grew up in a space that was gaslighting me all the time. This helps to rebuild your self esteem but there have been many other things I have done: writing, meditation, and finding a community that is supportive and healthy. I would say the latter was probably the most important for my healing, although therapy gave me the skills to find this.

Receiving validation from many other people - being a therapist, and your community - means you no longer seek it from a pwBPD. Once that happens you will no longer seek anything from the pwBPD. What I think we all seek in life is validation and being recognized - something that pwBPD are unable to do and yet some of us seek it from them for whatever reason (perhaps we have been used to being invalidated). If you build yourself a space that validates and accepts you, you will heal. But if you are not used to this, it may be difficult and so therapy is an important step I think. For a long time I wanted my BPDex to validate me, see me, accept me. Of course this is impossible - he can't do this with me because he can't even do it with himself. The insults he hurls at me are simply manifestations of how he feels about himself. Today I don't expect anything of him.

If I were ever to have any kind of interaction with him or any kind of relationship or whatever (which I do wish I could have to a certain extent because I enjoyed his company) there would have to be a reckoning and an understanding of how I experienced his actions.

But I do not expect this, nor do I wait for it. If it ever comes it would be a gift, if it never comes that will be how it is and it won't really have any impact on the course of my life.  Good luck!

[RAPIDclassic1]

Here's my take on therapy.   If you can, get it.  Find one with some experience in the areas of BPD, controlling people and narcissism.    They can/should help you understand the differences between real relationships based on true love and ones that are based on being a central stable figure in a BPD's life.  I can tell it was invaluable for me to understand why it felt so real and wasn't and why I clearly had to move on despite the pain of loosing what appeared to be a deeply affectionate relationship.  It's one tool among many... .also, look after yourself in the technical sense.  Eat, sleep, work, pay bills, and get exercise of any kind.  I try very hard to stay on the high road and not judge too harshly my ex's very poor post break up behaviour.  My plan is to get away and stay away and use any help I can find to get there.  Good luck!

[JaxWest]

It does, but it takes a lot of time. My first BPD was in 2008. It took me almost 9 years to have the courage to go back to that city. I left, and it took a long time to recover from that. Therapy helped. A lot. If just felt refreshing to have somebody say I am not crazy, she was.

I am still working on the 2nd one. I am ruminating over and over, but it is decreasing. My therapy is helping there as well. In the case of the 2nd one, I noticed early on that she was weird. I rationalized it though, and still move forward. I have to admit, I was not sad when it ended. I was just utterly confused as to what happened and could not explain anything. Essentially, I got stalked by somebody that initially rejected me. Which makes no sense. She was just always around... .always talking about me... .knew things about me I did not share and she should not know... .

I think these relationships take longer because they make no sense. I mean, there was a female that I dated. I thought for sure she was the one. She was cheated and that ended the relationship (she was NOT BPD). That one hurt like hell. But, as much as that hurt, even that one I could get over quicker because it is what it is. She cheated. She broke my trust. The two BPD made absolutely no sense. So, you go back and think of everything that happened over and over.

[marti644]

I think there are several different approaches to getting help.

This forum sure has helped me alot by helping me know that I am not alone and I am not crazy.

I think the best option is therapy though if its possible. Where I live there is no therapist option, but when I move next month I definitely plan to see a therapist, I found one that specializes in BPD and PD and parental alienation and setup two appointments for next month. I think I wouldn't have gone the therapist route if I hadn't realized that most of the wounds opened in the relationship were actually problems with my childhood and my mother (who I think now is a high functioning BPD and practiced a concerted campaign of parental alienation throughout my parents marriage) and a narcissistic passive father. But because I became aware of these deeper issues I have found myself ill-equipped to deal with those deep wounds and scars, as I am not quite sure how I was impacted by both my parents dysfunctional behaviour. Definitely want some professional help as I am in sensory overload right now with past memories, feelings, and the current breakup trauma all colliding at the same time.

[Idsrvt2]

Wow two BPD, Im not sure how you are coping.  although i suspect my last x had BPD tendancies but was more functional and that breakup, we still remain friends. (that is it too im used to remaining friends with xs)  
There is a lot that made no sense to me, like how he for four years was able to hide all this and then suddenly we get involved and as he says he starts loosing his schit.  Its like how did i miss it for four years, the person that always made me laugh, the person that would chat me up.  When he finally tracked me down and gave me his number I was shocked.  I think for me I struggle with missing his company, and the way I reacted via text to him dropping me off early that last date.

I guess I expected him to behave how I wanted him too ie since he knew my health was not good come back over to my place and cook for me since while were were out he said 'next time we will go there' when I said i was hungry and suggested a place to eat.   We had a blast that night and i really did not know why he wanted to take me home so soon.   I guess this is what he meant by not having a connection with people.  He did not know he should have come over to help me cook...  he did ask me via text if I needed help (but i said no as i felt bad as I know he went home for a reason)
so its that part I have difficulty with, how I react and handle relationships as well.   but yes it made no sense to drop me off early if he was hugging and kissing all over me while we were out.  He struggled in public... and I think half the time put on a great act when actually he was freaking out inside.   All this happened not even a month ago, so its all so fresh in my mind.   Its almost like now if that were to happen I would say hey look Im enjoying myself can we stay out, but ONLY because ive now had space from the situtuation... while in it I was caught up in being hurt and just confused in general.   I never thought he would dump me again either.   The perfect storm me in physical pain, PMS and him reacting to texts I sent the night prior.    I hate technology at times... .it allowed him to take a cowardly way out and dump me via phone.  and what guy dumps a girl in pain.

The two BPD made absolutely no sense. So, you go back and think of everything that happened over and over.

[Idsrvt2]

Thank you for your reply-  Im not sure im looking for validation, but maybe I am.  Im somewhat of a loner like the x is.  I have health issues that make me at times a shut in.  (although im doing much better)  I guess what he accepted and understood was one of my health issues... the irony is he used to work for a business that dealt with it, so he was very understanding of it.   

I think for me I just miss him, how we were together when things were good when his female persona showed thru... as he called her anyway.   Thats what I miss.  I miss the way he would massage my neck and look after me like that.   but then that is where the confusion i guess comes in.as the night before we broke up he left me to cook a meal by myself knowing i was in pain.   not a normal thing for a caring guy to do to you.    I guess I am confused, who wouldnt be when dealing with two personas.  He hated the male him, he was the one that would dump me.   

The one therapist I was looking into specializes in emotional  trauma, codependency , enabling.  they also work with the LGB community which he is part of which could help possibly although Im looking for myself but good to know the therapist is familiar with that aspect of it. 

I think for me I need an outsiders help in this , I mean for four years I was basically thought to believe a person was who they were not, then they told me who they were and took it all back and said it was a lie to push me away, then a month later tell me basically what they said is true, well some of it and they suffer from depression and a personality disorder.    even the whole PO thing for texts that were harmless to a normal guy ( most guys would have just blocked it or heck broke up normally)   not taken out a PO. even me threatening to contact the employer-- sure that would be upsetting, but a normal guy would calm a girl down not take a PO out.    The PO has caused me deep betrayal.   my therapist years ago worried about me a lot and how much I have been betrayed 
WHile i know this was not me-- I am concerned at the fact I still tried to resolve it via text and in the past I was involved with a narcassit and I did the same there as well.   

Receiving validation from many other people - being a therapist, and your community - means you no longer seek it from a pwBPD.

[FSTL]

Therapy helps - but it's what you do outside of therapy that makes the biggest difference as therapy only lasts an hour a week.

[wellwellwell]

Yes. My situation meant that therapy was essential. I was isolated by my circumstances and experience. No family or community around me. But it took several attemps to find someone who understood. Once I was there it was transformative, but it took me a while to trust it (understatement there). If it's good, it will change your ability to move on and just enjoy your life. I am different today in many ways. It has turned a damaging encounter into a wormhole. I'm a hard sell on therapy, too, because I saw 4-5 therapists exacerbate my ex's undiangosed BPD. But stick with the idea that therapy can work, because it is possible.