How to not get frustrated with BPD partner?

[stamusic]

Hey folks,

So I have been with my BPD girlfriend for almost a year now, and it's all been great and loving with a few bumps in the journey.
We had broken up a couple months ago for just over a month when her BPD got the best of her and she broke up with me saying she thought it was the best thing to do at the time. It was a rough month apart, me having a wild range of emotions and feelings - ie, thinking she hated me with how cold she was, but I did spent that time educating myself a hell of a lot about BPD and taking time for myself also. Though when we got back together, we spoke it all out and she was very open, mentioning she felt awful for how cold she was and that she wore the necklace I bought her every single day, which is cute.

Anyways, she has started to take a few steps backwards and has gotten a bit cold but she did say she wants to take these next few days for herself, which I was completely understanding with and gave her that space. She has texted me here and there but she responds less affectionately as she normally would. I told her some great news about me getting a promotion at work, and I was so excited to tell her so I had to wait until she texted me first, but when she did text me first and I told her about it, she just simply asked what hours are they and that's it, no congrats or anything which hurt since she knows how long and how much I've been wanting this promotion.
I start the new job next week and today and tomorrow are my last weekdays off and she initiated spending time together yesterday, but today when I asked her about hanging out, she just said she was at her brothers and I took the hint.
It sounds so small and petty, but over time... it gets to the non-BPD that all we want is that little bit of appreciation considering the amount we do. Couple weeks ago she was in hospital for 4 days straight and I was there everyday from the morning to night (she has kidney stones), then not that long ago she and her mother got into an argument with the step dad and I welcomed them both into my home at 1am and let them take my bed while I stayed in the spare room.
All I would like is for her to go that extra mile for me as I would for her. The sticking to plans/not cancelling last minute, say that she wants to come round and see me rather me meeting up with her most of the time... little things like this. 

So, the main question is how do I learn to accept her ways and not let my frustration get the best of me?
If I were to tell her that she needs to go out her way more, she'd get really upset and beat herself up about it.

She's in DBT therapy once a week and has been for a couple years now too.

Big thanks,
S

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[waverider]

We constantly get trapped into the delusional mentality of thinking that we can teach a cat to bark like a dog, but we can't they simple get annoyed and we constantly get frustrated.

Pressuring a pwBPD to act in a way that is alien to them creates cycling between faking it and rebelling.