ProfDaddy
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Relationship status: remarried, divorced in 2010
Posts: 329
formerly Dad6145
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« on: April 02, 2017, 08:13:34 AM » |
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I'm 6 years into a relationship with my current wife, having previously divorced a woman with BPD. Thought things were going well. There has always been conflict between my wife and my D15, who lives with me full time. We usually worked through the conflict, learned, and grew.
This past year, I have noticed that my wife is always looking for flaws in D15, always looking for mistakes, painting her black, accusing her of lying, wanting to control the family, making typical teen crap into huge storms. Wife seems to be both painting my D15 black and splitting, there can't be gray, D15 is totally evil in her eyes, trying to displace my wife in her eyes. When she goes off, she tells D15 she is mentally ill, weak, worthless, should commit suicide, is just like her borderline mother (and brother -- S12 has serious issues and is in his 4th year at an RTC).
D15 is withering under the attacks, depressed, explosive, giving up hope. It all reached a head two weeks ago when my wife attacked D15 and threw us both out of the house over nothing in particular, at 11:00 on a school night. I rented an apartment, we're moving out. Wife offered to move first, she has. Because of a visit coming from my dad, and then my S12, daughter and I are staying at the house first, then we'll move to the apartment. Everyone is going to take some space and try to work this out. In unemotional moments, we agree that we need to decide whether we can all live together, or if it just doesn't work (well, almost everyone, D15 is really hurt and angry, wants distance from my wife, permanently).
We have worked with family therapists in the past, wife was involved, but has drawn back this past year, totally disengaged, placing the blame on D15, and when I don't back her paranoid view of a 15 year old, verbally attacking me as a weak parent, giving in to a mentally ill child who should be in an institution. It has been a crap year, D15 is now fully in snotty adolescence, wife had bladder cancer and had a year of immunotherapy treatments that made her feel like crap, and scared of death. I can't tell if the imbalance this year is just imbalance and uncomfortable, or if my current wife is showing symptoms of BPD; the splitting and painting black).
So, my question is whether the woman who has been supportive to me and the children through everything for the past 6 years is borderline herself. Have I placed my children and myself into another unhealthy relationship, or is this all just fleas?
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