Hi guys...
This is my first time here, so please all be nice!
I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for a year and a half and we live together. We have only more recently come to terms with the fact that he has BPD. I have told him that I will be there for him and will support him no matter what through whatever it takes to help him get better. I know everything there is to know about him and truly have seen every side of him too.
I believed our relationship was fine and that we were happy, however, a few days ago, out of the blue he broke up with me and the reasons were as follows;
That he simply does not love me anymore - Now, knowing him as well as I know him, I know that this is not true. He is not the type of man to say I love you when he truly does not mean it and recently, on more than one occasion he has told me that he does love me, completely unprompted and on his own accord.
He has said that I am too good for him and that he doesn't deserve me because he is apparently a bad person
He has said that he can not stand to by around me - But then, only a few hours after telling me this, lets me look after him, rub his tummy because he was suffering a stomach ache due to anxiety and then also continued to have sex with me that evening too (sorry if too much detail) but to me that does not sound like you can not stand to be around someone
He has said that there is no positives in our relationship - This is a complete lie, there are in fact many positives in our relationship. He often tells me that its like we were made for each other and we both want the same things out of life etc.
And the list of reasons literally carries on in this same pattern.
Knowing him like I do, it is honestly as if he has convinced himself that there is only negatives when it comes to me and our relationship and that he has truly convinced himself that he does not love me, that he is not right for me, that I am too good for him and all the rest, when in fact, he is lying to himself. It is like he has completely flicked a switch when it comes to me and our relationship and is really pushing me away.
He is adamant at the moment that the relationship is over and that I have to move out within two weeks (probably impossible) although, when I catch him off guard he still laughs with me, he can not look me in the eye without giggling and he definitely can not look me in the eye to tell me that he doesn't like me etc like he has been. I know that he is doing everything in his power to push me away but I really do not understand why.
I have tried the crying and begging approach because I am so distraught but it literally did nothing to him, even seeing me that upset. I am currently trying to remain positive and am trying to act as though I am fine around him and have even stayed away the past two days without contacting him with a hope that this might make him realise, however, I had to come back home this evening for work tomorrow. He is currently out and I have no idea what will happen once he returns.
He has also said this... ."Well, if I do realise that I have been stupid and regret breaking up with you and I come running back to you and you are stupid enough to take me back we will probably be stronger than ever" - The fact that he is even thinking about this possibility makes me wonder things even more.
I am utterly confused and heartbroken right now, because nothing adds up, the way he is acting and the things that he is saying are very different and I know for a fact the things he is saying aren't true either.
I honestly do not know what to do or how to act for the best... Has anyone else experienced similar to this and can help me please?
Thank you so much
x