Thank you

[jambley]

Hi guys,

I would like to say thank you to everyone who has taken time to read and reply to my posts with regards to my BPD ex gf. I live alone and have hardly any family (my parents died a long time ago), so it has been really hard the last few years. Thanks

[Huh?]

You're welcome; thanks to you as well.

This board is a great resource... .and tool for venting and learning.

[Sadly]

Hi Jamesss

thank you too   I also live alone, my parents have died and I have a brother who lives a long way away and when he is not at sea for months he is with his family. I am a loner, just a couple of trusted friends who I see maybe once a month. I have always been a loner, happy in my own company until I met my BPDex. I so enjoyed being part of a couple, loved using the word we. This ending has broken my heart in more ways than one. Before this relationship I was a happy loner, now I am just lonely. To come here and find friends is so very important and sounds like it is for you, I am glad we found here.
Love from
Sadly

[jambley]

Sadly,

Hope you are feeling better today. Every day is tough but this board is a good release for me too.

 

[jambley]

Thank you huh? 

[Sadly]

Yes, for being here. I am ashamed, I am in such a bad way right now, worse than I thought, worse than I let on and I am so very lonely and hurt and frightened of feeling this bad. So I am thanking you for being here.

[jambley]

Sadly it is OK to feel anything, but please just let any bad feelings pass. Today I have had them too, it isn't nice. Rest, sleep, eat, be good to yourself. 

[Sadly]

Am trying, I really am. Sorry yours has been bad too.   There was another message, in WhatsApp before I've blocked it. I think it hurt me more than those other vile ones. It was about when we first got together, one of the happiest most joyful few weeks of my life before he started dysregulating and threw me into heartbreakingly sad confusion. He said " you were what I needed then, so thank you, but for whatever reason now, you're not"
So cruel, does that mean none of it was real? All the love and laughter and thought and care, not just in those first few weeks but there has been much good mixed in with the bad these last 2 years, shared memories, special couple things. Is this what the last 2 years, a huge significant place in my life has come down to, everything, all of me and my memories reduced to nothing but a temporary need then and now. I am in shock, cold and shaking, have been for hours. I can't get my head around any of it. I'm so sorry I have dumped this on you. I feel like a stupid child, I just want it all to go away.

[jambley]

Sadly, this is exactly what goes through my mind too. She was wonderful in the first few months, but turned vicious over two years. This is someone I wanted to marry. It is all very confusing, but I saw the real person behind the mask. Once someone shows you their true colours that's who they are.

Saying that to you is unpleasant and not nice. Similar things were said to me in the same context, it just adds insult to injury.

[Sadly]

Good morning Jamesss
Hope you have a better day today. I slept more but my head feels very thick from the pills, maybe just half a one tonight. We are lucky we are out of it are we not. I feel today will be a bit calmer, not going to read anymore of that sh*t he has written. My mantra for today will be, loved him but didn't like him, repeated, hopefully not out loud at work, but as many times as I want in my head. Will see if that works.
Love from
Sadly x

[jambley]

Good morning to you too Sadly!

Glad you slept well, hopefully that fuzzy feeling will pass. We are indeed very lucky to be away from it, we are survivors. Your mantra is great, I am on the same page too. I actually feel really good to know that we are helping each other. Let me know how your day goes. 

[Sadly]

Will do, you too, hope fuzzy head passes soon, just picked the cat up to put in the fridge, was supposed to be getting the milk out for her
Love from
Sadly x

[jambley]

Ha! Excellent. Have a good day, I might buy a new kitchen clock and put it on the wall (or in the fridge)

[Sadly]

 

[Icefog]

This site and the posts have been so helpful and validating to me and I am immeasurably grateful for peoples posts and the validation I have received. I have only been here for a short period of time however it has assisted me a great deal in maintaining my health, challenging my cognitive distortions and ruminations and validating my experience. Thanks to all. Onward and upward.   

[lovenature]

So cruel, does that mean none of it was real? All the love and laughter and thought and care, not just in those first few weeks but there has been much good mixed in with the bad these last 2 years, shared memories, special couple things. Is this what the last 2 years, a huge significant place in my life has come down to, everything, all of me and my memories reduced to nothing but a temporary need then and now.

It all was very real for both of you, unfortunately PWBPD have an intense NEED to attach, then when you get too close their fear of engulfment is triggered and devaluation begins where their psychological defences kick in and the destruction begins. Their feelings are so intense that their reality differs from ours many times (feelings=facts), but there are still the times when realities match up and things make sense-keeps us hanging on.
The closer you get and the more you mean to each other, the more pain occurs.

Take care Sadly, one day at a time.