Custody Evaluation

[justaboutdone]

I've posted on here several times before about my divorce but am curious what others who are experienced in this CE process have to say.  I am expecting the finally custody evaluation at the end of this week. I have done my absolute best to portray how damaging my ex's behavior is but he gives zero feedback during the process and he rarely wanted to hear it.  He kept saying I will get to tell him later.  I have spent over 40 hours with him and just last week we finished going over his standard parent assessment.  I have easily over 200 pages of documentation of her bad parenting behavior, dozens of recordings, she has been reported to CPS numerous times, arrested for assault/domestic violence.  Yet, during the whole custody evaluation, he never once asked me about any of this and appears that he doesn't plan to!  He has only asked about my parenting ability.  Can anyone provide any advice?  The GAL is highly in my favor and stated that numerous times.  The kids child therapist feels that my ex should have supervised parenting.  But I don't have anyway of knowing whether he got all this information.  And does the GAL's report and opinion trump the custody evaluator?  Thank you. Trying not to be so stressed at this point.

[livednlearned]

I have done my absolute best to portray how damaging my ex's behavior is but he gives zero feedback during the process and he rarely wanted to hear it.

Most third-party professionals involved in my case wanted to know how I was focused on my son's well-being, what I was doing to problem solve under difficult conditions. It was never stated that way, exactly. My process involved a parenting coordinator and coparenting therapist, which may be different than what you are going through.

I do think the "game" involved is that they are looking more at your character and ability to be the emotional leader. If you disparage the ex, then they think that means you will behave that way with your child.

does the GAL's report and opinion trump the custody evaluator? 

This probably depends on your L's strategy and how things work where you live. Has your L discussed with you what reports will be admitted in court?

In my case, everything we used to persuade the court all added up to the same narrative. It was documentation of the pattern of behaviors that mattered. If the CE report in your case is different than what your child's T and GAL suggest, then it may come down to how well your L does litigating in court. Not all lawyers are as good at this part of practicing law, some are better at pushing papers.

[Thunderstruck]

I'm a bad person to ask about a CE... .ours was ordered in July of 2014 and is still pending... . 

[justaboutdone]

Most third-party professionals involved in my case wanted to know how I was focused on my son's well-being, what I was doing to problem solve under difficult conditions. It was never stated that way, exactly. My process involved a parenting coordinator and coparenting therapist, which may be different than what you are going through.

I do think the "game" involved is that they are looking more at your character and ability to be the emotional leader. If you disparage the ex, then they think that means you will behave that way with your child.

This probably depends on your L's strategy and how things work where you live. Has your L discussed with you what reports will be admitted in court?

In my case, everything we used to persuade the court all added up to the same narrative. It was documentation of the pattern of behaviors that mattered. If the CE report in your case is different than what your child's T and GAL suggest, then it may come down to how well your L does litigating in court. Not all lawyers are as good at this part of practicing law, some are better at pushing papers.

Awesome! Thank you for this advice. It kind of explains why he hasn't wanted to hear from me about her much. Her behavior has been horrible for years and it was frustrating that he never asked me much about it. It seemed like he didn't he want to know about her but yet there is so much to be said about her behavior. He said he didn't want to hear about it as long as it was journaled. I have one more meeting with him tomorrow.

[justaboutdone]

I'm a bad person to ask about a CE... .ours was ordered in July of 2014 and is still pending... . 

Sorry to hear. I saw your thread and was very thankful. Ours would have taken that long but our daughter started having bad headaches and stomaches. She was missing school and going to the ER. On the second visit to the ER the doctor asked if anything was going on stressful in her life at school or home. I asked to speak with him privately and told him we have been going through a divorce for over two years and mom is constantly bringing the kids right in the middle of everything. He said a big part of his job is finding out about home life because it's a big part of their symptoms. He said that he felt certain once the divorce is cleared up that her problems will go away. I told my lawyer who told the GAL. Suddenly the CE has been put on a strict timeline ordered by the court.

[livednlearned]

our daughter started having bad headaches and stomaches.

This started to happen when I was still married to my son's BPD dad. He would curl into the fetal position, under the table at school when he was in 3rd and 4th grade. It was always a stomachache or headache or some kind of seemingly "imaginary" ailment.

Later, my son's T said that this is often how depression presents in young kids. They are much more likely to experience distress as physical ailments that cannot be easily treated with medicine.