Had a cry today

[bus boy]

This evening I was working around the house and listening to music, I looked up bruised orange, a John Prine song I haven't heard for a while. two verses that hit me were "a heart stained with anger grows weak and grows bitter, you become your own prisoner as you watch yourself sit there" that made me think about the bitterness I still have for Xw. I work hard on detachment, growing and moving forward but I must admit I have some bitter feelings towards Xw for what she did. The second verse that broke me down was " sat on the park bench kissed the girl with the black hair". That made me weep like a baby. As much I thought I was detached from Xw I realized how much I loved her. I must admit I struggle with Xw living with another man, holding him in her arms at night, dropping s10 off at home and seeing her BF's car in her driveway, it cements in me every time I drop s10 off that my replacement is the man in her life, the man who makes Xw happy where I failed. This is there second year, second Xmas, New Years, thanksgiving, Easter, by our second year the r/s was a disaster, when we told my family we were getting married they couldn't hide the shock, the look in my moms eyes was very clear to see. My mom knew how abusive the r/s was concerned for me. Through it all I still have pain deep down inside, I still feel like I failed deep down inside. I will still keep pushing forward but maybe a piece of us is gone forever and maybe Xw will always have a piece of my heart.

[insideoutside]

Sorry to hear that busboy; it's nearly 1.30 am here in the UK and I'm listening to music that is seriously  triggering me too.  Music can be so emotive at times.  I know I'm in love with my friend  but I'm married and trying so hard to detach and listening to music that takes me back to a beautiful  place isn't helping with that process.

Hugs x

[bus boy]

HI izzybusy, sorry to hear you are struggling today. Music can certainly get the emotions stirring. I got caught in the moment and kept up with playing music that was emotionally moving.

 Have a good night

[Herodias]

Music makes me cry all the time in the car when I'm driving. I have to keep tissue on hand. I've felt the same way- two years out as well. Had all the same thoughts about "them". I refuse to believe I failed and you shouldn't either. The new person will go through the same thing. I'm just sorry that you still have to see her. I think if we had people in our lives we would feel better too. It's just so hard to find. They grab any person and make it work temporarily. Just remember it's a holiday and it's usually not enjoyable with them. We are better off alone. I spent the whole day alone and I was perfectly fine. You'll be fine too.  

[Turkish]

The relationship may be gone,  but the piece of it remaining, most significant and precious,  is your son.  Continue to fight for him.