New Here, Adult Daughter, Organizing My Thoughts

[DaughterOfHera]

Hi.  I've recently joined a memoir-writing group and am in the process of organizing my thoughts on what it was like to grow up in a family dealing with multiple mental illnesses (Mother BPD signs / tendencies & diagnosed Primary Depression, Father diagnosed Schizophrenia, Sister diagnosed Schizo-Effective Disorder, two Aunts BPD).  Father passed.  Sister unable to behave companionably.  Mother resentful and overwhelmed, not wanting the children she had.  I was mostly kept away from family and we moved to a new city / town / farm every year or so, keeping me from "having people" or any kind of stability.

Now an adult, I have made choices to improve my life such as with decades of therapy and re-learning, as well as moving into a safer environment.

Two of my greatest challenges are:
1) Trying to figure out what words to put to my experiences; and
2) Trying to figure out what is truth and reality.

While I did try years as a member of a local support group for care-givers of loved-ones with mental illness, and taking a 12 week course on the topic, I still don't know anyone else in the same situation as I, and I find it difficult to confer with anyone new about it in person.  Found this on-line website, so thought that I would try it out.  Mainly I would like the opportunity to see if I can manage some headway regarding the 2 challenges I've listed above.  I'm appreciative of the opportunity.  Thank you.

[Woolspinner2000]

Hi DaughterOfHera! 

Welcome! You've come to the right place to find others who will be able to listen and understand. We are all dealing with some challenge of one kind or another related to a pwBPD so you will not be alone.

Sounds like you have worked through a lot already but still have things you are working on.

Now an adult, I have made choices to improve my life such as with decades of therapy and re-learning, as well as moving into a safer environment.
Two of my greatest challenges are:
1) Trying to figure out what words to put to my experiences; and
2) Trying to figure out what is truth and reality. 

I find it hard to put my own experiences with my uBPDm into words as well. It plays out so clearly in my brain but I struggle to get it out in a way that shows it. I have two books I'll suggest to you. One is written by a woman who has done a nice job of teling both her story and how she has worked to overcome the effects of having a BPDm. The other is a book which deals with your second point, specifically about learning to trust yourself. I've read both books and they are helpful and thought provoking. Here are the reviews:

Missing: Coming to Terms with a Borderline Mother

Surviving a Borderline Parent

What do you find to be the most difficult when you try to express your story in written format?

 
Wools

[Skip]

2) Trying to figure out what is truth and reality.

When your parents are "off", this is a struggle many children must face.

 

[DaughterOfHera]

Woolspinner2000... .Thank you for the 2 book recommendations.  These look helpful and I have ordered them. 

In regard to your question... .[What do you find to be the most difficult when you try to express your story in written format?] ... .I tend to think in concepts and memories rather than words.  I think, also, in not having any adults around me growing up who could teach which words even COULD be applied to what I was witnessing / experiencing, this created blanks in my education.  We all are taught, as kids, THIS is what the letters A B & C look like, or, THIS is what the colour yellow looks like, or, THIS is what an apple looks like, but we are rarely taught THIS is what a symptom and it's resulting behaviour looks like.  So, I'm now having to figure those out for myself, almost as if I'm creating a visual chart or something, such as we would get with learning the alphabet.  Years ago, while taking a Self-Help course, the facilitator included one of these charts that put word labels to feelings / facial expressions, and I have found it to be quite helpful.   It looks like a series of emojis with the label below each one.  (I'm trying to insert one here, but the "insert image" button is not working in a way that I am familiar with.)

[DaughterOfHera]

Skip... .thank you for the understanding, and for the emoji hug. *grin*