Exhausted all of my coping skills living with a co-dependent partner

[Depression = 72% of members]

My wife is fifty five years of age and I am sixty seven. We have been married for the last thirty years. My wife is very impulsive and makes decisions without consulting me and they usually involve finance. Those decisions carry financial consequences which I have been bailing her out for the last twenty seven years. I am a planned person and would prefer to sit with my partner and discuss an action plan. I get the impression that my partner would rather not do this because I would weigh the significance of the decision that we  are trying to make and the cost involved in the decision. To avoid this my wife would present this as something that we should do and would begin making preparations to do so. My wife has been to bankruptcy court five times in the last twenty five years and with her last discharge from bankruptcy about a year ago it seems as if she is poised to go back to bankruptcy court. I insist on her paying her portion of the household bill which is about thirty five percent of the overall budget but because I am retired I am going to discuss that she increase her contribution to the budget. My wife makes a good income from her jobs as a high school guidance counsellor, a private practice as a LPC. and a therapist on the  Better Help  Website. My wife has no savings and is up to her neck in debt. She loves to gamble and most of her disposable income is given to the Casinos. There have been occasions where my wife has left the casinos owing upwards of $5,000.00 and I have had to pay her debt. I consider myself as one who saves and spends money wisely. All of the major expenses of my family have been paid by me. I want to enjoy my retirement without the conflict that has been part of my marriage for thirty years but my wife's  fascination with reality TV and her Facebook obsession catapults her in a lifestyle that she cannot afford without me using my retirement income. I feel that this has caused a resentment to my money decisions and underlying hidden anger because I won't go along with her choices.

[Choice2017]

My wife is fifty five years of age and I am sixty seven. We have been married for the last thirty years. My wife is very impulsive and makes decisions without consulting me and they usually involve finance. Those decisions carry financial consequences which I have been bailing her out for the last twenty seven years. I am a planned person and would prefer to sit with my partner and discuss an action plan. I get the impression that my partner would rather not do this because I would weigh the significance of the decision that we  are trying to make and the cost involved in the decision. To avoid this my wife would present this as something that we should do and would begin making preparations to do so. My wife has been to bankruptcy court five times in the last twenty five years and with her last discharge from bankruptcy about a year ago it seems as if she is poised to go back to bankruptcy court. I insist on her paying her portion of the household bill which is about thirty five percent of the overall budget but because I am retired I am going to discuss that she increase her contribution to the budget. My wife makes a good income from her jobs as a high school guidance counsellor, a private practice as a LPC. and a therapist on the  Better Help  Website. My wife has no savings and is up to her neck in debt. She loves to gamble and most of her disposable income is given to the Casinos. There have been occasions where my wife has left the casinos owing upwards of $5,000.00 and I have had to pay her debt. I consider myself as one who saves and spends money wisely. All of the major expenses of my family have been paid by me. I want to enjoy my retirement without the conflict that has been part of my marriage for thirty years but my wife's  fascination with reality TV and her Facebook obsession catapults her in a lifestyle that she cannot afford without me using my retirement income. I feel that this has caused a resentment to my money decisions and underlying hidden anger because I won't go along with her choices.

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[JoeBPD81]

Hi, Choice2017

That sounds scary, you should be enjoying your retirement in peace. Has she ever visit a counselor herself on her addiction?

These things take a toll on someone, and you took it for 3 decades. So no wonder why you are at yout wit's end. That's also always so hard to talk with someone. I hope you find a way.

I don't know if she has BPD, if she did, an intervention usually doesn't help, but if she didn't maybe it could be a way to make her stop and reflect about her actions. She got no less than 5 court meetings about this, that should have been a wake up call.

Does she admit to having a problem? Does she talk to you about it? Many adictions are escapes from something else. Do you have any idea what she might be running from?

Good luck, and thanks for sharing.