Stepmom2Matt... that is awful! A child needs help.
I have two theories to both our situations. 1. BPDx thinks she is a great mom and therefore the child is absolutely fine and has no mental issues and does not need medication. 2. (our situation) BPDxw can't deal with the children and therefore needs an "excuse" of why she can't deal with them and therefore adds a new diagnosis. She also uses those to keep them completely dependant on her (fear of abandonment) and uses it to try and stop visitation of kids to us.
I wonder if it is also a form of projection? An interesting form, if it is.
Because if its true that BPD moms cannot easily differentiate between themselves and their kids, and if its true that an inability to cope with crippling shame is the primary feeling that leads to so many dysfunctional behaviors, then wanting to diagnose the kids might suggest she suspects something is to blame for her issues, but she cannot bring herself to admit this directly.
Not that it helps anything if this is what is going on