wanting to learn more

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

I'm here to learn. After years of (minor but hurtful) emotional abuse, years of push-pull, leave return, you know the stuff, I finally heard about BPD and concluded there was a possibility my ex GF had BPD.

I paid for her therapist (she needed no encouragement to go, such was her turmoil) but she stopped going.

Long story short, in January we were exchanging emails which led me to finally believe it would be alright, she was expressing affection, how much she loved me, all going well. Hmm BPD. A week later the last email just read "I am with someone else".

Never heard from her again.

I realised I now had pretty conclusive evidence of BPD, and I started to research more, honestly, to see if I could figure out how to get her back (I did and do love her), but now I realise I must focus on knowing how to avoid being charmed again. I could try again, but I know it would just follow the pattern, so I have to leave her behind. It feels bad, finally knowing I will abandon her, the thing borderlines fear most, because I love her, but it has to be, and someday I'll look back and know I did the only thing I could.

[Misasex]

I'm here to learn. After years of (minor but hurtful) emotional abuse, years of push-pull, leave return, you know the stuff, I finally heard about BPD and concluded there was a possibility my ex GF had BPD.

I paid for her therapist (she needed no encouragement to go, such was her turmoil) but she stopped going.

Long story short, in January we were exchanging emails which led me to finally believe it would be alright, she was expressing affection, how much she loved me, all going well. Hmm BPD. A week later the last email just read "I am with someone else".

Never heard from her again.

I realised I now had pretty conclusive evidence of BPD, and I started to research more, honestly, to see if I could figure out how to get her back (I did and do love her), but now I realise I must focus on knowing how to avoid being charmed again. I could try again, but I know it would just follow the pattern, so I have to leave her behind. It feels bad, finally knowing I will abandon her, the thing borderlines fear most, because I love her, but it has to be, and someday I'll look back and know I did the only thing I could.

[Turkish]

It's true that pwBPD fear abandoned (real or imagined), but she abandoned you. 

I know that your feelings are still strong,  but what does "doing the only thing you could" mean to you? For her? You? Both of you?

[heartandwhole]

Hi Misasex,



I'd like to welcome you to the community. I'm sorry that your relationship has ended. That is painful, and with BPD in the mix it can feel worse than "normal" breakups. That was definitely my experience. Things DO get better, though. They have for me, and they can for you, too.

Is your exgf still with the man you mentioned in your post?

How are you feeling since the split?

Keep posting. We're here for you.

heartandwhole