Feeling crazy and sad

[Frazzled76]

My husband's grandmother and dad are BPD and the last few years I see it in him. He gets set off by everything. It's like he wants to lash out and looks for reasons to justify it. I keep changing but he's never happy. I stayed home with the kids and he said that was the root of the money issues (not his excesssive spending). So I got full time work but now he's angry about having to drive the kids to school or says I don't cook enough. He never cooks, cleans, or does yard work. He throws things at me, says I'm worthless, calls me terrible names. He "punishes" me for weeks at a time over small things he perceives as big things like not calling out of work at the last minute when he's too tired to drive the kids to school or accidentally using a glue stick he bought for himself at a Scout meeting. These things will set him off for weeks. I question my sanity and try to see if it's me. I even apologize to keep the peace but he won't let it go. I told him I know this is not him. That we should seek help but he says I'm crazy. He says it's all me. I have no idea what to do. I can't keep living this way.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Mutt]

Hi Frazzled76, 



I'd like to welcome you to bpdfamily, I'm glad that you decided to join us, it helps to talk to others to get a balanced perspective, a pwBPD will say mostly negative things about you, it's distorting reality, life is in the grey area. I'm glad that you decided to join.

There are things that you can also do in real life to feel happier, self care is really important when you have a pwBPD in your life, you'll feel better and less emotionally exausted.

How's is your support network with family and friends? I spoke about distortions from a pwBPD earlier, it helps to surround yourself with people that love you unconditionally, you can also reflect off them and they can you support too. I'd suggest to get as much help as you can. That being said.

You're right a pwBPD will blow the smallest things out of proportion. BPD is an emotion dysregulation disorder, a pwBPD cannot regulate or self sooth, it takes him longer to get back to his emotional baseline of happiness, you're also correct that the traits are also triggered when a pwBPD feel stress.

How many kids do you have? How old are they?