Ex Fiancée Still pinning Engaement Rings

[kramer598]

Three weeks after my fiancee asked me to do the guest list for our wedding, I found out she was lying to me and cHeated on me. When I found out, I stayed at a friends  house that night. She came home to an empty house and I think freaked out. She packed two bags, our dog, her wedding dress (what the heck?) and "accidentally " drove off a cliff totaling her car and almost dying. Next day we brought up and a week later moved out and gave me the ring back. No emotion and didn't say anything except "I couldn't make you happy"

Since then she has been pinning nothing engagement rings on Pinterest  that look just like her old one . I've had no contact and she has blocked me on all social media. I feel like the last thing she would want to think about is engagment rings and weddings seeing how she just gave that up.

Does anyone have any thoughts?

[heartandwhole]

Hi kramer598,

Welcome to the community. I'm so sorry to hear this. This must have been such a shock for you.  Finding out about infidelity is bad enough, but then for everything to come crashing down so quickly, and your fiancée's accident... .that is a LOT to deal with.

How are you holding up, kramer? Do you have supportive friends and family to lean on?

Your fiancée may be regretting her actions; feeling remorse about it. It's hard to say. Right now, I hope you are taking care of yourself—getting enough sleep and eating well, moving your body?

Keep posting. We're here for you.

heartandwhole

[Harley Quinn]

Hi kramer,

Have you also blocked her?  It sounds as though she imagines you will have done, if not, or has no other way to contact you for whatever reason and is trying to reach out in some way.  Could just be to stir up a reaction from you.  We don't think the way a pwBPD does so who knows the motive behind it... . 

I can remember a blow up with my ex where he said 'I'm deleting your number so don't worry I won't be able to contact you'.  I hadn't given him my email address at this point and don't use social media, just Whatsapp.  Seems he did delete the number and didn't have it anywhere else as he began trying to communicate to me any way he could via his Whatsapp profile pictures in order to get my attention so I'd get in contact with him.  Even wrote on a piece of paper 'I've deleted your number, please call me' and photographed it to use as his profile.  This was early in our relationship.  Thinking back, how I wish I'd just walked away then before I was hooked for good... .

I've also had countless things put up that I know are aimed at me and just meant to upset me when I am split black.  Rather than wondering what she is thinking or trying to achieve, try to focus on asking yourself what you want, how you feel and what would be good for you.  Sounds like you've been through a LOT and no doubt have a lot of feelings to process right now.  Give yourself that opportunity.  It's important.  You're important.

Love and light x

[kramer598]

Thank you both for your response. I have a great support system of friends and family who are also in shock and trying to help me through it. 2 months before all of this we moved into our dream house that we spent the last 9 months designing and building. 1 month before the end, she asked me to do the guest list for our wedding (which I did the same day) , then put up a wall and started pushing me away and nothing I could do would get through to her.

I have not blocked her anywhere, I defriended her sure but not blocked. She blocked me everywhere from Facebook, Instagram, Linkedin and even fitbit. Yet she is still friends with my friends on these platforms? Wouldn't that be a reminder?

I guess I like to think she regrets what happens and that is why she pinning engagement rings and blocking me. I never did anything to hurt her. Even when she moved out, I spent two days packing up all of her stuff in boxes and labeling them to make it easier on her. She never once said she hated me and even told me she didn't hate me at the end. I think she really regets her actions and losing her dream house, the ring, her fiance, her best friend and all of my friends and family who loved her so much over the years. I've never done anything to hurt her ever so I don't think their is a need to block me.

I know she feels everything soo intensely. My thought is that seeing my name pop up is a reminder of what she lost. I think it's more of a self defense tactic to protect herself from feeling even worst because she really gave up a beautiful life. She should be planning her wedding right now but instead she is off somewhere else. I wasn't ever going to leave her, I would never cheat on her, yet she convinced herself that I was going to divorce her down the road because we got into a fight.  All she would say at the end was " I couldn't make you happy" which is what has made this soo hard. No emotion at the end, no reaching out after, blocking me on social media. I didn't deserve this and it just hurts that she can so easily move on. Maybe she can't and that is why she is blocking me because the life we had was in fact, everything she wanted. And now it's gone. And she can convince herself that I was going to do this or that down the road but she lost so much when we ended and also almost lost her life as well.

Thanks for listening to my story