First time here, not sure what to do.

[c-riz]

Hi there.  My wife recently told me she was diagnosed with BPD- after some research, a lot of things made more sense to me.

It's 11pm at night, and I just felt the need to seek out help because I just don't feel heard. I feel like she doesn't really "love" me like I need to be loved- but maybe I am just too sensitive? I feel like her words don't match her actions. I get sad and hurt and I just don't know what to do or say anymore.  Perhaps there is someone out there who has advice.  I love her and I don't want things to end, but this is getting really difficult. I feel like we have one good day or night and then we are back at square one.

Now it does take 2 to tango and I admit I am codependent and I suffer from severe anxiety- so needless to say, when she pushes away it hurts really badly, but I know I cannot take it personally.  I just don't have anyone to talk to about this.  Not to mention, I am struggling with gender expression in our new territory- it's just a lot. Sorry to blab here... .seeking advice. Thank you for anyone who reads this, it is appreciated.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Panshekay]

Welcome!  You are not blabbing, it's a lot to take in when you have a loved one, especially a spouse diagnosed with BPD. How long have you been together?  Do you have children?   Have you read any books, such as Walking on Egg Shells?  Our son who is a sensitive man is married and in the process of trying to get a divorce from his uBPDw. It's a difficult journey but I am glad you found this site. It has been a life saver for our family.

[Tattered Heart]

Hi c-riz,

I"m sorry things have been so difficult for you. Having a name for what is going on in your relationship can help begin the healing process. You'll find lots of support on this board. Is there something in particular you need help with at the moment?

We have a lot of workshops on the right side of the board. This is a great place to begin learning more about how to begin improving your relationship with a pwBPD.

[Coconut2017]

I am new too and in the same boat - co-dependent, so I understand the pain.

What really helps is therapy, reading and understanding about co-dependency and BPD, if possible joining CODA meetings, talking it out. Problem share, problem halved?

Once you find strategies on how to cope with your emotions, then you can start to manage the situation with your wife better.