i am miserable.

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

this relationship has cost me a ton of money, self respect, and its been hell. i have plenty of fault too. i stayed in it.

[geeck1]

this relationship has cost me a ton of money, self respect, and its been hell. i have plenty of fault too. i stayed in it.

[roberto516]

this relationship has cost me a ton of money, self respect, and its been hell. i have plenty of fault too. i stayed in it.

Welcome geeck! You came to a great place where people can really relate. Heck, I think all of us could have made our first post here what you posted. I know I could have and did. It's hard to grasp how we all end up here one day looking for support and answers. But it means you're a strong person for doing so   

How long was the relationship? Is there any contact?

[Mutt]

Hi geeck1,



Is your partner diagnosed with BPD?

[Lalathegreat]

Pleased to meet you, I'm miserable too.

I relate completely. I keep waiting for the pain to lift, at least a little bit, but I continue to do the mental accounting of all that I lost. And my list is the same... .I invested money, and compromised my values so many times that I ceased to recognize myself. I still don't. I feel like a shadow.

All this whining to say that you're not alone. 

[chillamom]

Hi, geeck1, Lala and roberto516, just chiming in to say that I'm part of the bunch as well.  After nearly 8 years with the diagnosed BPD/NPDbf, I lost my self-respect, tens of thousands of dollars, NEARLY lost my job and the respect of my children….and still responded to his begging and manipulation and have given him yet another chance.  Difference is I KNOW it won't go anywhere this time, and I'm trying to remain emotionally detached, but I'm still participating in my own destruction….and of course, given than he hasn't dysregulated in the past 2 weeks since he "charmed" me yet again, everything is "different" now.  I don't believe it for a minute, yet at some level I MUST…... anyway, we are all in the same group, waiting to feel better, waiting for the FOG to clear….just some of us are apparently more self-destructive than others (aka me),

[Emotions]

I'll join the pity party... .hey everyone, glad we can all be miserable together! It's better than being miserable alone   

[Outoftheshadows]

Hi Geeck 1,

 Your feelings echo mine well, they are very much similar to my feelings at around the time of the discard and about six months after. I'm ten months out now and believe me when I say that things do improve however, it is imperative that you shift the focus onto yourself and acknowledge yourself ex for what she was, a highly disorded individual. If you don't work out, start. If your diet is poor, correct it. If you are suffering, like I was, from light insomnia, try to rectify that. If you don't do martial arts, I'd advise taking that up as well. Also, any desires you had in regards to what this relationship could have been are to be smashed and from the fragments you must sculpt something far more beautiful. I lost everything after the end of my BPD relationship. I remember when the depths of her deception became vividly clear. I woke up one day and realized the gravity of her actions as well as my naivete regarding my ability to cure and guide. I was a thousand pound overdrawn. I lost my house, was in therapy, almost friendless, isolated, fighting PTSD and suicidal tendencies. Ten months on, I've just landed a well paid job in a beautiful location and my career is on an upward trajectory. I have started martial arts so yeah, things do improve. I am all too familiar with the all consuming lonlieness that these relationships engender but take peace in the knowledge that you will grow and develop while your ex will be stuck in her infantile state. Good luck.

[Hopeful_Me]

this relationship has cost me a ton of money, self respect, and its been hell. i have plenty of fault too. i stayed in it.

Hi Geeck1 and welcome.

You said it all in just three sentences.

You are not alone. We didn't know what hit us, so we stayed. We loved, so we stayed. Now we loved ourselves and came here.

I hope you'll post more.