Recent Break Up, PTSD Symptoms

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Hello, I'm glad to be here. I recently ended an 8 year long relationship with a partner that I can only assume has BPD or NPD. I am experiencing what my doctor has described as PTSD symptoms. It has been over a month and I am standing firm on no contact. Has anyone else had symptoms like these after the breakup: social anxiety, paranoia, insomnia, panic attacks, obsessing over the details and arguments, etc.? I am really struggling.

[Mother Moth]

Hello, I'm glad to be here. I recently ended an 8 year long relationship with a partner that I can only assume has BPD or NPD. I am experiencing what my doctor has described as PTSD symptoms. It has been over a month and I am standing firm on no contact. Has anyone else had symptoms like these after the breakup: social anxiety, paranoia, insomnia, panic attacks, obsessing over the details and arguments, etc.? I am really struggling.

[Lalathegreat]

Hi Mother Moth - let me be the first to welcome you to the BPD family.

I am almost 2 months out of my BPD relationship and it has been an extremely difficult time for me. I have experienced all the symptoms that you list and a few additional ones - lack of appetite/weight loss being the biggest one.

The things that we go through in the course of a BPD relationship are traumatic. It takes time and a tremendous amount of self care and kindness to begin to process and heal. I'm still there. I'm still day to day, sometimes minute to minute.  I hope that you will find the support here as invaluable as I have.

I look forward to learning more about you and supporting you on your journey.

Lala

 

[HopinAndPrayin]

Hi Mother Moth,

Welcome to our community.

Yes, I had chronic PTSD symptoms that were really intense after the split in February.  They have gradually lessened, but I still occasionally awake with nightmares (they were constant in the beginning), my panic attacks have lessened as well.  I still find myself avoiding going out in public and when I do go out, being hyper-vigilant and fearful.

The more you fight it, the longer it sticks around.  If you can, try to see a therapist about it, but trying to find someone who specializes in PTSD.  Deep breathing and trying to stay present in the moment is supposed to help.  Hold ice in your hand or put your hand on a hard cold surface.  It can get better with self-care and therapy (be that in person, by book, or online resources). 

[Helplessly]

Hello Mother Moth.  I can safely say that's the first time I've ever said that sentence haha.  But anyway, welcome   

PTSD is common. Your body is reacting as if you were physically traumatized.  Many of have had it and I'm still suffering through it. Here are some things to try as well as the other suggestions people have made in response to you.

- Go to the store TODAY and get vitamin supplements. It doesn't have to be crazy complicated.  But a good quality one a day should do.

- Drink 1.5 times the water you normally do.

- exercise as hard as you are able. Confuse your body. Tire yourself out. 

- Many people claim you should "eat healthy."   I say eat when hungry if appetite loss is an issue. If it's pizza so bi it for now.  As you recover you can clean up your habits.

- Minimal alcohol for now. It's a depressant as you know and will put you on a rollercoaster.

- If solitude helps fine. You don't HAVE to go out.

- Mornings are tough but get out of bed.

Good luck with everything. PM me if you're struggling. I'm only partially through a traumatic ordeal with my ex gf.

[Harley Quinn]

Hi Mother Moth and Welcome! 

I too am glad you've found us.  This is the ideal place to be and I'm sure the responses you've had from our caring community have already underlined that.  As well as the boards there are fantastic resources on the site which we will assist you to find if you need help.  Lots of the articles in particular were really helpful to me in the early days so do take a look around. 

PTSD is not uncommon following a disordered relationship and I myself am due to start trauma focused CBT for this.  I'd agree with others that finding some support for this would be beneficial.  You can also read up online about DBT techniques such as the ice suggestion that can be helpful too.  For the anxiety attacks I am taking an SSRI for a few months to help me right now. 

Regards processing what happened to you, this is a normal part of the healing process.  I'd recommend taking a look at the lessons (links to the right) as a starting point to help you make sense of what you're feeling and experiencing.  Could you tell us a little more about the relationship?  How did it end?  You're clearly very strong in sticking to NC which is admirable.  I hope it is giving you the peace you need to work through things and come out stronger.  Stay in touch.  I'll look forward to hearing more from you.

Love and light x

[jambley]

Hello Mother Moth.  I can safely say that's the first time I've ever said that sentence haha.  But anyway, welcome   

PTSD is common. Your body is reacting as if you were physically traumatized.  Many of have had it and I'm still suffering through it. Here are some things to try as well as the other suggestions people have made in response to you.

- Go to the store TODAY and get vitamin supplements. It doesn't have to be crazy complicated.  But a good quality one a day should do.

- Drink 1.5 times the water you normally do.

- exercise as hard as you are able. Confuse your body. Tire yourself out. 

- Many people claim you should "eat healthy."   I say eat when hungry if appetite loss is an issue. If it's pizza so bi it for now.  As you recover you can clean up your habits.

- Minimal alcohol for now. It's a depressant as you know and will put you on a rollercoaster.

- If solitude helps fine. You don't HAVE to go out.

- Mornings are tough but get out of bed.

Good luck with everything. PM me if you're struggling. I'm only partially through a traumatic ordeal with my ex gf.

Excellent advice.

[Mother Moth]

Thank you so much everyone for your answers. The person I became involved with, I had known since Junior High School. In 2009, I was in the middle of a marriage and separation when he and I reconnected. All the classic borderline relationship steps were happening, I just had no idea of the disorder back then. I just knew something was very wrong. In 2010 my boyfriend cheated on me with a married woman (who had the same first name as me). After 3 months of begging, I gave him another chance. BAD MISTAKE. In 20111 he moved in with me. I constantly dealt with push/pull, gaslighting, mind games, lies. Would be determined to end it, then get sucked back in by showers of affection. My mistrust would be blamed for his distance. I was constantly in fight or flight mode. Frequently physically ill and exhausted. In January 2016 I suspected another affair with a married co-worker (this time her first AND last name were the same as mine). Every time I confronted him, I got the silent treatment or explosive anger. In late May 2017 it all came out. I was contacted by both the husband and the woman. I threw the boyfriend out and literally threw his belonging out as well. I had what I can only describe as a breakdown. I was out on medical leave for 2 weeks. Panicked if I went out in public. Hands shook, no appetite. Nightmares. Extreme anger. I tried to remain in his kids lives, because I love them. I'm not sure that will be possible, as his smear campaign against me to his kids is pretty bad. Even though they don't believe it. The man is a pathological liar and very good at emotional manipulation.

 I've moved past the point of feeling like I HAVE to stay attached to any part of him. I have not moved past the hurt and shame. I have a good therapist and have been seeing her since June last year when my panic attacks started.

Some of you mentioned putting my hands on ice, or cold surfaces? I have not heard of that.
Only deep breathing - which sometimes works and some times doesn't - the same with meditation.
I feel exhausted all the time.

I have a 16 year old that needs me. He has been very supportive, but I don't like him seeing me laying in bed upset.

Any therapy or coping skills you can suggest please do, but list the full name, rather than abbreviations. I'm not familiar with most of them.

Thank you so much.

[jambley]

Hi, I am not very good at advice but I watch asmr videos (Autonomous sensory meridian response) on youtube sometimes. It helps with my anxiety and actually is very useful to help with stress.

Please look and I hope it may help you.