What if they never contact you again... what do you think?

[Depression = 72% of members]

I know, there is a belief that they will contact you again at one point, but to be honest i dont think it will always happen.

In my case, for example, i see a chance my ex contacting me again is quite a small. She has moved away to another country by now and as my country wasnt her home country then theres not a lot of reasons for her to come back here again. Yes, she did marry someone from my country, but that criminal would be just happy to leave this country as well. And even if they would brake up  (i doubt, to be honest, as they both are BPD/NPD-s) at some point then there would be even more reasons for my ex to just forget my country.

There isnt also any point to just write me, because she knows that i wont be her supply. She knows i have boundaries and morals.

I dont know either has she ever recycled anyone. Maybe not, but that may have something to do with her job as her job requires travelling. Not so many possibilities for recycling.
I know that one of her ex-s is writing to her every now and then and she values him a lot. She showed even to me his letters, but i wasnt really intrested to read those letters back then. Im not very jealous guy so i simply didnt care. But i do know that im not going to do anything like that - writing to her about my life and what im doing. And I doubt that my ex would write to me if i wont do it first.

What do you think? Do you think that theres a chance that you will never hear about them?
And if you do, for example after years. Would you even reply to them then? Do you think that after so much pain your revenge would be to just ghost them? Completely shut them out? Leave them without answers.

[happendtome]

I know, there is a belief that they will contact you again at one point, but to be honest i dont think it will always happen.

In my case, for example, i see a chance my ex contacting me again is quite a small. She has moved away to another country by now and as my country wasnt her home country then theres not a lot of reasons for her to come back here again. Yes, she did marry someone from my country, but that criminal would be just happy to leave this country as well. And even if they would brake up  (i doubt, to be honest, as they both are BPD/NPD-s) at some point then there would be even more reasons for my ex to just forget my country.

There isnt also any point to just write me, because she knows that i wont be her supply. She knows i have boundaries and morals.

I dont know either has she ever recycled anyone. Maybe not, but that may have something to do with her job as her job requires travelling. Not so many possibilities for recycling.
I know that one of her ex-s is writing to her every now and then and she values him a lot. She showed even to me his letters, but i wasnt really intrested to read those letters back then. Im not very jealous guy so i simply didnt care. But i do know that im not going to do anything like that - writing to her about my life and what im doing. And I doubt that my ex would write to me if i wont do it first.

What do you think? Do you think that theres a chance that you will never hear about them?
And if you do, for example after years. Would you even reply to them then? Do you think that after so much pain your revenge would be to just ghost them? Completely shut them out? Leave them without answers.

[enlighten me]

Theres a lot of factors involved.

How much you meant to them.
How self involved they are.
How you broke up.
How theyre doing in life.
How easily they can meet someone else.

The list goes on.

My exgf doesn't seem to recycle her exs. I'm the only one she has and that was over twenty years between.

[Harley Quinn]

What do you think? Do you think that theres a chance that you will never hear about them?
And if you do, for example after years. Would you even reply to them then? Do you think that after so much pain your revenge would be to just ghost them? Completely shut them out? Leave them without answers.

Hi happenedtome,

Is this on your mind a lot or is it just a random thought, out of curiosity?  In my case, I actually believe that my ex is not contacting me out of respect for my wishes.  It's a complex story but there is reason why his contacting me could have a detrimental effect on my parental status.  He's aware of this and how much that means to me as he has kids of his own. 

It is of course possible that his own needs could override that respect for my wishes in the future at some point, however I doubt it would be any time soon.  Even so, I guess your question is a valid one to consider and in all honesty I'd have to say that I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.  If he ever contacts me in the future I will do what is best for me at the time.  That will be my only consideration and I hope that you can also be in that frame of mind if any such thing happens to you. 

One of the main things I've learned in all of this is that 'we' (those that have engaged in BPD relationships) have a tendency to be poor at prioritising ourselves and it is our opportunity following such a r/s to correct that.  If we achieve this then we'd be coming at it from a completely different standpoint should our exes try to connect further down the line.   

Do you find you're feeling lots of anger towards your ex at the moment?  Just wondering how are you doing in yourself?

Love and light x

[mjssmom]

I've heard that not all BPD's attempt to make contact again. My BPD ex boyfriend replaced me back in January. Cut me off cold and flaunted the woman he replaced me with all over Facebook and went out of his way to mock me publicly and to try to convince everyone I was psychotic. It really was devastating what he did to me but I did a lot of hard work and for the most part I was done with it in March.

I moved on and I'm in a serious relationship with a wonderful man that treats me like a princess now and I hadn't given my ex a thought at all and then come the middle of May, apparently him and his girlfriend must have broke up and I started receiving messages via Facebook Messenger. I didn't answer them. My boyfriend got fed up at one point and sent him one message. The girlfriend sent me a message to try to mock me in the beginning of June. I did respond to her. Quite frankly I was surprised that either of them thought five to six months after the fact, that I even cared about he and I anymore. I had moved on. I was happy. But those messages actually made me feel somewhat insulted that anyone would think I hold onto this stuff that long? Now I know some people do and I'm not trying to insult them but I myself as an individual tend to let things go and recover quickly and I did so in this case as well. I realize that ultimately what happened between he and I ending was the best for my mental health.

So when I blocked him on Facebook, I didn't hear from him during the summer until August 2nd when I got a letter in the mail from him. That threw me for a loop just because to me thess attempts to communicate with me are creepy and stalkerish in my head and makes me want to avoid him even more. It's not really about revenge it's about what's best for you. It's best for one's own emotional health to maintain no contact and not get involved in the triangulation they're going to try to set you up in with other people such as my ex is trying to get me to contact his girlfriend and he made references about my boyfriend that were insulting. Or if that's not the case it's just best not to get involved with their dysfunction again.

We have chosen not to respond in any way. During the summer when we go out on the motorcycle and some of the places we visit, we know we're going to run into him but pretty much that's about it. There's no reason to acknowledge him otherwise since even running into him will be a rare occurrence. All it will do is start drama and I feel it will just engage him to continue to contact me. I don't want that. I'm indifferent at this point and I feel great and my self-esteem is at an all-time high and he doesn't have the right to mess with that then I'm not going to give him the power to affect me again. His well-being is not my concern or my problem. His need to be acknowledged as his own problem. That's up to him to deal with. I am not responsible for a man I had a brief 9 month relationship with. But I admit, I'm a little bit angry. And that's simply because he's trying to interfere with the good groove I've got going on and yes, I am a little bit insulted that he thinks I'm 8 months later, still pining over him or at least he's trying to make me do that. Thank God I did all the homework on myself and Recovery that I did.

[caughtnreleased]

Honestly - I was so severely discarded by my BPDex because I asked for "space" that I was sure that he would never come back - but come back he did. I took him back once, asked for him back once, and finally turned him down and went NC the last time he re-engaged.

And then an NPDex who had literaly dropped off the face of the earth and whom I hadn't heard from in 7 years - who moved to a different country and who has no trace online whatsoever - sent me a message out of the blue.
So I would say the likelihood of your being contacted is high especially if your ex is BPD- I think there's something about human nature in this, and it's even stronger when you've left millions of loose ends flying around, which is typical of BPDs. But honestly - a pwBPD will never give you what you want or what you need so you need to ask yourself why you are thinking about this.

[happendtome]

Thank you for everyone here.

Harley Quinn, i dont really know why i am asking this. Maybe curiosity, its not so much random thought. I have thought about it a lot. And not answering to her (if she would contact) would be my chance to show her that her behavior isnt tolerable for everyone. It may be childish, it probably is.

I still dont know if im angry to her. I think i more pity her than im angry. I see her living completely unreal world and that she is totally lost. But then i wonder what if she acknowledge all this and she plays her pity part that people would pity her. Some people say that she does this by purpose. I have seen some questionable acting myself too.

I have also discovered that when time goes by and i havent had any contact with her i start to lose interest about what shes doing and so on. So maybe if that contact comes after years i may feel nothing at all towards her. I hope so, it would be the best scenario for me. Then i could answer or not answer, just depending how busy i would be at that moment.

[insideoutside]

I've been 'recycled' by my friend on numerous occasions.  Although sometimes I did reach out to him and he responded.  The last fight we had in March he told me to not contact him again and to 'stick to it this time' when the last recycle was initiated by him apologising for cutting me off and how he finds it difficult that I am married etc!

Its been 5 months since I last heard from him, the longest has been 3 so I am guessing I won't hear from him again.  He has flitted on and off of Facebook in those 5 months with his normal profile and numerous other ones he created, about 11 in all which have all but disappeared over the past month, which were all been blocked by me as I am not playing games.  Not sure if he was trying to get my attention and get me to reach out to him as I'm sure he won't reach out to me again as he thinks I was nasty and abusive to him in our final exchange.  He's probably reeled in some other unsuspecting person now to stroke his ego for him.

So the bottom line is who knows?  Some do, some don't.  Its forever a guessing game with BPD's.

[Idsrvt2]

I was discarded in a very mean fashion with s restraining order after he said he would go in peace... .he's my mailman... .a few weeks back I had to ask him a legit question about my mail... .he barely opened his mouth... .  I nicely asked how he was doing since I heard he was not doing well... .he barely said a word.   

His bosses have turned this into a real mess as well and I still need to at some point ask my x where we are placing packages when it rains... .he used to put them in my porch ... .it's awkward.  I have no hate for him anymore I just want to resume the business like relations we had.   I don't think he's capable... .I think he is still slipping.    I woke up after a dream of him today... .it was of the last day we went out , we were having a good time in my favorite town... .I miss his friendship but remener  that was the nite he dropped me home early and I asked for space... .the rest is history.   
I doubt mine will make contact , he is reclusive and believes he should be alone for life plus he probably has such low self esteem he would never reach out.   He believes in astrology as so I and he knows my sign does not handle betrayal well at all.   I just watch from a distance his behaviour and can tell what persona has control on a certain day.   I find it odd he can still be around my home and not be tempted by impulse then again he has always felt I can find better .