I know I need to get out. Yet getting out seems to be the most challenging thing for me. TIA
Please don't assume this. (what I bolded) Although given your story you do need to prepare for divorce.
I want you to understand that you have
much more immediate concerns.
Point to clarify. He is military and you are not. Have you ever served? (please clarify this)
I see that family advocacy is involved. Are you getting good support from them? Have access to regular counseling?
With August 22nd coming I want to make sure you understand the questions you need to ask.
How long can you remain in base housing?
What happens to your family moving entitlement? What if your hubby wants to go one place and you want to go another?
How do you ensure access to health benefits if your husband "stops participating"?
Can you force him to elect full SBP "Survivor Benefit Plan" and make him include children in that? You want to protect disabled children from his death and yours.
Can you force him to choose family dental on his retirement income?
Is it advantageous to do a legal separation, vice divorce, because you don't know where you will end up?
Do his letters of intent to not give you anything hold any weight? I would think that regardless, they need to be responded to... .in writing, with an expectation that he fulfill his obligations to his family, given your years of support to him during military service.
How long can military lawyers (base legal) advise and represent you?
I'm retired Navy. My heart goes out to you. Retirement is a transition, in and of itself. The addition of relationship drama is unhelpful, but apparently unavoidable.
FF