Male 37 - Married 12 years - Spouse has BPD - Doing this to help take care of me

[BPK]

Joining a support group to help me be a good husband and father. To educate myself and be able to help my BPD Spouse when needed. To talk about it and to get support for myself. I need help... .

My BPD spouse has been fighting a mental illness most of her life. How / why it occurred we don't really know. We have called it depression, ADD, bi polar and now we are thinking its Borderline personality disorder.

Its seems like her brain processes emotions to the extreme. The emotions are real, the events that caused the emotion are real, but the level of reaction to it is high.  I believe that sometimes she recognize's the over-reaction but can't physically stop it.

Her brain also seem to process feelings in a binary way. Someone is either all good, or all bad.

Stress and stressful events are a big factor in this.

Most of the 12 years she has been on some form of anti-depressant, and if it works, it REALLY helps. But sometimes it stops working and sometimes the symptoms over power... .

This year has been tough. She has spent weeks hating me, only to like me once again when her head clears. 

She is working with a psychiatrist. She just took a DNA test to help determine meds. The meeting is tomorrow and I am hopeful for help. She has been really angry the last month and a half off of meds... .

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[JoeBPD81]

Hello, BPK and

What you describe it does sound like BPD, but we are not qualified here to diagnose her, it could help if she had an official diagnosis and all the focus of her treatment would be more to the point. It is a blessing that she is open to treatment, but I know it is discouraging for both of you when it is not enough.

As you have guessed, it is very important that you take care of yourself. Not a small part of that is being brave enough to ask for help, and just being able to talk and express your frustrations and being understood, it goes a long way. Partners, we also disregulate our emotions and reactions when we are very frustrated, tired, and we feel the situation is not fair to us (undeserved hate). So it is important that we find ways to soothe our emotional level, and be mindful enough to face the challenges without making things worse for ourselfs and for the couple.

You seem very aware of your reality and willing to work in your family, so I think you'll benefit a lot from learning bit by bit all the tools explained in this website. When thinks start to make sense, new paths open to well being.

Take care.