You came to the right place. Don't be scared of the amount of information here. Start at the begining and read a bit when you feel like it. Please, go to the basic tools. As you guessed, how we talk is of vital importance.
We can't calm them down, sometimes, but we can stop making them angrier. We need to stop doing things that we do with the best intention, and that work in most people, but not them. So it's a bit counter-intuitive, but you get used to it, in fact, you'll see it's a better way of comunicating with anyone. You become more aware of yourself and of the impact of your words.
Good luck!
