I feel like she got me again

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

If you have read my previous posts, you probably already have a little background of my story.

It's been a week or so since I have updated, and things have taken a little turn.

BPDex called and said she wanted to be friends with me after the breakup, I refused and told her it's either we try again or absolutely nothing between us. She said we have a lot of issues in our relationship and that she doesn't want to jump back in.  In that moment of actual sanity words from her, I agreed with her.  Basically we talked and agreed to go back to the dating state, as in, more than friends but less than committed relationship. I understand that I agreed to it and shouldn't blame it all on her, but 1 week into it and I already feel like I was manipulated into what she wanted and what I refused at first: being friends who kiss but not a commited relationship. Maybe I shouldn't have agreed to that? She said she will decide if she wants to be in a relationship with me again in 3 months. Is this reasonable or is she just keeping me as long as I allow her to and using this time to find another replacement?

Anyhow, BPDex is now in Washington meeting with her crush that she triangulated me with, shes told me numerous times that he and her can actually communicate and that they understand each other completely, whereas I cant with her. The guy also has BPD and said he is "unsure of his feelings for her". I call bull___, I feel like he is just stringing her alone and BPDex told me that I shouldnt mind her "personal business".

BPDex told me that in this one week of sleeping with him in her family's house, nothing will happen. She assured me that he is the only friend she has so she values him. She also told me that she is very attached to him. Only a little attached to me. Even though theyve been texting for a year and never met until today.

I don't know what to believe anymore. Is she using me, or does she genuine want to make it work and not cheat like I feel like she would with him. Insights will be greatly appreciated.

P.S. She contradicts her words many times and is very revengeful towards me. For example she accuses me of not texting back when there's nothing to text back to and she starts to act cold and one word texts me the next day to everything i say. Also, she tests me like sending a goodnight text to see if i was awake or not. Apparently I get punished and manipulated for loving her, yet she loves this dude who she cant have because he doesnt want a committed relationship with her. BPDex told me that she's manipulative in the past but is no longer manipulative because she wants to be better. She is very self aware, the guy is also self aware, and she's not in therapy.

I don't know what to do with her anymore. Stay, leave, or wait till 3 months later when she make up her mind about our relationship. I also don't jnow how to cope knowing that shes meeting up with him in person today and is doing her best and being thoughtful for him and take him to places, she's never done that for me.

[Edenalterego]

If you have read my previous posts, you probably already have a little background of my story.

It's been a week or so since I have updated, and things have taken a little turn.

BPDex called and said she wanted to be friends with me after the breakup, I refused and told her it's either we try again or absolutely nothing between us. She said we have a lot of issues in our relationship and that she doesn't want to jump back in.  In that moment of actual sanity words from her, I agreed with her.  Basically we talked and agreed to go back to the dating state, as in, more than friends but less than committed relationship. I understand that I agreed to it and shouldn't blame it all on her, but 1 week into it and I already feel like I was manipulated into what she wanted and what I refused at first: being friends who kiss but not a commited relationship. Maybe I shouldn't have agreed to that? She said she will decide if she wants to be in a relationship with me again in 3 months. Is this reasonable or is she just keeping me as long as I allow her to and using this time to find another replacement?

Anyhow, BPDex is now in Washington meeting with her crush that she triangulated me with, shes told me numerous times that he and her can actually communicate and that they understand each other completely, whereas I cant with her. The guy also has BPD and said he is "unsure of his feelings for her". I call bull___, I feel like he is just stringing her alone and BPDex told me that I shouldnt mind her "personal business".

BPDex told me that in this one week of sleeping with him in her family's house, nothing will happen. She assured me that he is the only friend she has so she values him. She also told me that she is very attached to him. Only a little attached to me. Even though theyve been texting for a year and never met until today.

I don't know what to believe anymore. Is she using me, or does she genuine want to make it work and not cheat like I feel like she would with him. Insights will be greatly appreciated.

P.S. She contradicts her words many times and is very revengeful towards me. For example she accuses me of not texting back when there's nothing to text back to and she starts to act cold and one word texts me the next day to everything i say. Also, she tests me like sending a goodnight text to see if i was awake or not. Apparently I get punished and manipulated for loving her, yet she loves this dude who she cant have because he doesnt want a committed relationship with her. BPDex told me that she's manipulative in the past but is no longer manipulative because she wants to be better. She is very self aware, the guy is also self aware, and she's not in therapy.

I don't know what to do with her anymore. Stay, leave, or wait till 3 months later when she make up her mind about our relationship. I also don't jnow how to cope knowing that shes meeting up with him in person today and is doing her best and being thoughtful for him and take him to places, she's never done that for me.

[Sargeras]

I must be blunt with you: she's stringing you along. She's 100% treating you like a spare tire.

"I'll decide if I want a relationship in 3 months" Meanwhile, she toys with this other guy on the side and goes on her jolly way. Where do you factor in? Where's your say? The problem is, this is all on her terms. Is she just going to magically have the answer in 3 months? Did she sit down with a calculator and plot a graph or something? She just threw a figure out there. That can mean, "hey I want 3 months to ___ around" or "hey I want 3 months to tell you 3 months from now I need 3 more months" or "hey I'm going to give you 3 months to get creative and do everything you can think of to appease me in hopes of winning me over for good this time" The list goes on and on. The common denominator? She gets exactly what she wants, with no regard for what it does to you. She doesn't care.

You may feel tethered to her at this point, and I understand that. As you increase your communication with her and this emotional attachment you've fostered for her continues to advance upon you, it can be pretty difficult to resist speaking to her. Believe me, I know.

It's one thing for her to request friendship, it's another to do so while simultaneously granting you and somebody else physical intimacy at her leisure. This is exactly how she wants it.

"Im really attracted to him and a little attracted to you". Thats bull___, and it's incredibly manipulative. When things of that nature are said, you get a glimpse of who you're really dealing with. She played her hand. She says stuff like that to illicit a response from you- more than likely she derives a lot of pleasure from observing you chase. Her motives for doing this are purely out of self-interest. It strokes her ego every time she hears from you. She's a manipulative person and I implore you not to make any excuses for her or listen to what she has to say about that- her word is shot to hell at this point.

She sits and twiddles her thumbs, seeking out fun wherever she can find it, while the quality of your life deteriorates in the process.

If she thinks she's in the process of manufacturing some unbreakable bond with this guy, let me be the first to tell you that it's all a delusion. That relationship is a house of cards. She's responsive to FANTASY.

You should cut her out. That's unacceptable. I'd stop reaching out and observe as she scratches her head and wonders what happened to you. Do what she DOESN'T expect you to do. She's had this whole thing her way, and it's time for her to realize you're not her pet.

Start working out. Putting on muscle feels absolutely wonderful. Shop around, look for other women. There are so many other women out there who are just as physically attractive, just as intellectually provoking, just as funny, just as interesting, just as compatible with you, etc. And the best part is, they won't pull that kind of garbage. They won't be mean and cruel and manipulative. They'll love you for who you are, and you will not have to question how much of their loyalty you have.

You'd have to be a psycho to seriously believe she can't be replaced. Let her spend her life teeter-tottering and bouncing from partner to partner- never finding any real stability. She needs therapy. Nobody has the right to try to diminish you like that.

You've expended enough energy on her.

[Edenalterego]

I really shouldn't quote you on the whole thing but goddamn every one of your words strikes home! I knew that deep down, aka gut feeling, but I guess I was just refusing to believe that I was just being used.

A little update, she texted me the night before and said that I shouldn't stop texting her, so the next day when the guy has arrived, I texted her asking how things are going. She gave me silent treatment (it says she read the texts) and I again texted her saying "I dont mean to come across as upset but it takes less than 10 seconds to send a text back, I feel disrespected when you ignore me like this."
That night, radio silent, they were probably drunk together and probably had sex, despite the fact she told me she wouldn't have sex with him before she left for the trip.

The next day at 11am, she texted me one simple text: "F*** off."

I was mad, still angry as of right now, and today because of that I went ahead and blocked her number, deleted her from all social media, and the only thing I have to deal with now is to deal with her by being grey rocking with her when she comes back because she and I work together.

Thank you for your time, saedrix, and to be frankly, I need that bluntness. The more harsh the better, I can always use a little push

P.S. I just started working out yesterday, went today too, and so far it's helping a lot. I also started to reconnect with friends that I have lost because I was heads in deep in that relationship, she wanted all my time at her leisure, when I express a need she rages.

Anyhow, it still hurts, like two steps forward and one step back. I hope I make it out safely. She has actually discussed interest in murdering. I thought she was joking, now I am no longer sure of that anymore...