Newbie

[ToddRK]

I have just come across this site after reading The Essential Family Guide... .I picked the book up to learn more about my daughter,  a Lower Functioning BP,  but have learned that her mom,  my ex,  is a classic Higher Functioning BP. It certainly helped clear up a lot of residual questions I had about my divorce.  I will have lots of questions and some insights to share in the weeks ahead.  So glad to have found this site.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Turkish]

Hello ToddRK,



In what ways is your daughter low-functioning? I can imagine trying to co-parent with her mother having BPD traits would be a challenge. Is she a minor and there are custody or legal issues? Hope to here more and how we can help.

Turkish

[ToddRK]

Thanks for your questions.  How is she lower functioning?  Let me count the ways.  She has a history of substance abuse that landed her in jail twice.  She is a self sabotager.  She has a long, distinguished history of getting herself into serious trouble just as she starts to put together a string of "wins" that would signal she's on the right path.  I think a major part of her problem is that she doesn't take the many options to help herself seriously because she does not see that help or a normal life is something that is in her future. She knows she's capable,  but I wonder if she believes that she's deserving.  She also tends to ignore any advice that comes from legitimate people,  but will accept the words of the people who are the least likely to know the best path.  An example,  when she was in legal trouble,  she ignored her parents,  her lawyer,  the judge.  Her addict friends somehow were the ones who gave her the real story of how the system works.  When in jail,  the words of her fellow inmates were gospel truths,  even though she ignored us completely when we may have given her the exact same advice.  She has a history of not learning from her mistakes when it comes to boys.  She has a tendency to go for the biggest losers,  willing to date (this happened twice),  a part time dishwasher who was cheating on his pregnant girlfriend.  Her sense of self worth and pride are non-existent.  Finally,  she has a toxic co-dependent relationship with her higher functioning BP mother that she resents,  but takes no steps at all to free herself. 
PS, she's 28 and there are no custody issues.