Welcome 1524!
Sounds like there is a lot going on with you, and with your pwBPD. I'm very sorry for the stress and especially for the sadness this is causing you. I too, was frequently driven to tears by my uBPDm. The heartache can go so deep, leaving wounds that don't know how to heal. Depression is quite common among the adult children survivors of a pwBPD, so please know you are not alone. Are you getting the help you need with your depression? Here is a link which you may find helpful. It is about Feelings of Guilt.
Emotional Blackmail: Fear, Obligation and Guilt (FOG)Tell me some more about you such as how many children do you have? How close do you live to your mom? How did you learn about BPD? Do you have any favorite books that you've read which have helped you?
Are you able to chose to not read her emails, or have someone else screen them for you to help protect you? Who do you have in support of you that you can turn to? We are glad to have you as a part of our online family here, and we are so glad to encourage you, listen, and support you as we can. Have you taken a look at the list on the right hand side of our board? Anything you click on will open up into more information.
Wools
