Venting about the cycle

[Depression = 72% of members]

Thanks to the advice and encouragement of a lot members on here. My pwBPD and I have made a lot of progress and really improved our relationship. I've learned a lot, we're both growing and working on being a healthier couple.

That being said... .I just need to vent about this cycle we get stuck in. If I ever bring up something he needs to work on or something he has done to upset me or ask for space. He flips it into everything being my fault, breaks up with me, yells at me, dishes out a lot of low blows to only calm down later and apologize. I've grown much thicker skin after coming to understand that he needs a way to vent too. I've learned to give him his space but he's not really getting that I need mine sometimes too. Granted I did not ask for it in the nicest of ways and asked him to leave. I really did not want to deal with him on ambien that night. Also I've reduced my carb and sugar intake and I'm Hulk level of angry all the time.

Later it turned into an argument because he didn't agree with me feeling upset nor with kicking him out. I did apologize for the way I acted but I did not want to apologize for feeling upset or needing space. He did not recognize my apology and just turned it into the whole thing being my fault. In the end I took the bait when he insulted me and I got reactive. As per usual it ends with him saying it's over and he hates me etc. etc. I know he doesn't mean it after three years. I know in a couple days after he's had time to fume and play video games and have solitary time he'll calm down.

but the cycle it frustrates me. And I feel very tired. I love the man underneath the BPD exterior. We've talked several times about how he can't resolve his issues with just quitting and leaving. We also have two dogs and when he leaves the responsibility falls 100% on me. We've been doing well the last three months and made a lot of strides in communication and healthier ways to express ourselves. Sometimes it doesn't feel that way. I know this is a temporary down point but still feeling annoyed.

[eggfry]

Thanks to the advice and encouragement of a lot members on here. My pwBPD and I have made a lot of progress and really improved our relationship. I've learned a lot, we're both growing and working on being a healthier couple.

That being said... .I just need to vent about this cycle we get stuck in. If I ever bring up something he needs to work on or something he has done to upset me or ask for space. He flips it into everything being my fault, breaks up with me, yells at me, dishes out a lot of low blows to only calm down later and apologize. I've grown much thicker skin after coming to understand that he needs a way to vent too. I've learned to give him his space but he's not really getting that I need mine sometimes too. Granted I did not ask for it in the nicest of ways and asked him to leave. I really did not want to deal with him on ambien that night. Also I've reduced my carb and sugar intake and I'm Hulk level of angry all the time.

Later it turned into an argument because he didn't agree with me feeling upset nor with kicking him out. I did apologize for the way I acted but I did not want to apologize for feeling upset or needing space. He did not recognize my apology and just turned it into the whole thing being my fault. In the end I took the bait when he insulted me and I got reactive. As per usual it ends with him saying it's over and he hates me etc. etc. I know he doesn't mean it after three years. I know in a couple days after he's had time to fume and play video games and have solitary time he'll calm down.

but the cycle it frustrates me. And I feel very tired. I love the man underneath the BPD exterior. We've talked several times about how he can't resolve his issues with just quitting and leaving. We also have two dogs and when he leaves the responsibility falls 100% on me. We've been doing well the last three months and made a lot of strides in communication and healthier ways to express ourselves. Sometimes it doesn't feel that way. I know this is a temporary down point but still feeling annoyed.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Tattered Heart]

Looking at the current breakdown, what do you think went wrong? What could you have done differently to maintain your own equilibrium?

[pearlsw]

Hi eggfry, Sorry you had this setback after so many months good months. I suppose setbacks are bound to happen. Man! That must be disappointing though. Did you pull out of it quickly and get back to the improved communication that had been going on? I am finding that doing all I can to keep the ratio of positivity to negativity in our relationship high the better off we are. I am trying to be very careful to praise good things he says and does and bring a lot of laughter into our lives to keep life more enjoyable. Recognizing each other's stresses and trying to keep the stress as low as we can helps. I prefer this to living in constant fear of the next dysregulation. I hope you are back in that good equilibrium state soon!