Nine months later.. My current situation.

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Hey all,

Some of you may remember me posting on these boards between April of 2016 and April of 2017. I then disappeared until now... My situation has changed a lot since my last posts back in April.

It's been 9 months since I last saw or spoke to my BPD ex gf of 4 years...

I have a new house, a new job, a new girlfriend whom I've been dating for about 5 months now, and things are going very well for me...

I struggled for months with letting go of my ex and was "addicted" to her.

I can safely say now that I'm officially over my ex and over the chaotic situation(s) that came out of that relationship...

I'm in love with someone else, who is mentally healthy, and it is a much better relationship and a much better situation for me.

I no longer speak about her to anyone, and rarely think about her or the relationship. When I do think about it, it doesn't bother me anymore...

I can safely say that I am VERY, VERY glad she is out of my life and I am way better off without her in my life. She is not missed in the least bit... I am glad that she's gone and 6 or 7 months ago I would have never thought I'd be in this state of mind about her, but I'm glad that I am... I have passed her while driving a few times in the past 9 months, but she is a ghost, a stranger... .Someone I don't know anymore... When passing her on the road, the feeling of dread is no longer there. My heart no longer sinks. I just kind of shrug and shake my head at how sad her life must be... .Since I have moved, I will pass her on the road even less now, if at all... I honestly hope I never see her or run into her again for as long as I live.

So, to those of you who feel hopeless and feel like the addiction will never end... It does. Trust me.

[FallenOne]

Hey all,

Some of you may remember me posting on these boards between April of 2016 and April of 2017. I then disappeared until now... My situation has changed a lot since my last posts back in April.

It's been 9 months since I last saw or spoke to my BPD ex gf of 4 years...

I have a new house, a new job, a new girlfriend whom I've been dating for about 5 months now, and things are going very well for me...

I struggled for months with letting go of my ex and was "addicted" to her.

I can safely say now that I'm officially over my ex and over the chaotic situation(s) that came out of that relationship...

I'm in love with someone else, who is mentally healthy, and it is a much better relationship and a much better situation for me.

I no longer speak about her to anyone, and rarely think about her or the relationship. When I do think about it, it doesn't bother me anymore...

I can safely say that I am VERY, VERY glad she is out of my life and I am way better off without her in my life. She is not missed in the least bit... I am glad that she's gone and 6 or 7 months ago I would have never thought I'd be in this state of mind about her, but I'm glad that I am... I have passed her while driving a few times in the past 9 months, but she is a ghost, a stranger... .Someone I don't know anymore... When passing her on the road, the feeling of dread is no longer there. My heart no longer sinks. I just kind of shrug and shake my head at how sad her life must be... .Since I have moved, I will pass her on the road even less now, if at all... I honestly hope I never see her or run into her again for as long as I live.

So, to those of you who feel hopeless and feel like the addiction will never end... It does. Trust me.

[Stripey77]

Thank you.

[Mutt]

Bravo 

[confusedbloke]

Well done FallenOne... .  I'm on that particular road to recovery also... .  each day feeling better!  Enjoy your life!

[SuperJew82]

Thank you for coming back here and giving us all hope. That is so very cool of you. That post made me feel so much better today.

Thank you again.

[Jami]

It's like a message from the future Thank you for bringing hope to us struggling souls!

[Lucky Jim]

Great report, FallenOne!   

Thanks,
LJ

[Skip]

I know his is a really hard question... .but what did you learn about you in all of this?

We paid a big price for a life lesson. What we take out of it is important.

[FallenOne]

I know his is a really hard question... .but what did you learn about you in all of this?

A few things I learned...

I have trouble telling people no and have a tendency to accommodate others at my own expense (I can be a pushover). I learned that I shouldn't just give in if I say no and someone throws a fit because of it... Stick to your guns, and stick to your opinions, and the right people will respect you more for it.

I learned to value myself more and not to just settle for anything. I deserve the best. I deserve to be treated well.

I'm not a bad person and I'm not at fault for everything like she tried to convince me I was.