I was and still am an abandoholic. I like the rush.

[Depression = 72% of members]

I was just remembering my ex how she used to create an argument, then she leaves, then I used to chase and apologize for things I shouldn't apologize for and no normal human being would need an apology for. Then she withdraws sex for weeks saying "I need space" or "I need to heal from all your bad treatment" LOL.
And when I pull away after she goes off at me, she comes trying to love bomb me and make out with me. It's a game of push pull and I admit I got addicted to. When I dated someone last Jan who didn't engage in that game, I got so bored. So I need to work on myself and I know exactly why I stayed, I liked the rush, the missing, I was and still am an abandoholic. Now she is with someone else, and I am still thinking of her. I must have something majorly wrong with me to want someone who is with someone else love bombing them. I texted her that yesterday I said I wish you the best, you are probably in a honeymoon phase now. She replied, "you go from 0-60 in 1 second, no it's not true". Now that I am starting to date, I realize girls don't have gold vagina syndromes... .only my ex had. I stayed and deprived myself when I could have been going out and having fun.

[Freeatlast_1]

I was just remembering my ex how she used to create an argument, then she leaves, then I used to chase and apologize for things I shouldn't apologize for and no normal human being would need an apology for. Then she withdraws sex for weeks saying "I need space" or "I need to heal from all your bad treatment" LOL.
And when I pull away after she goes off at me, she comes trying to love bomb me and make out with me. It's a game of push pull and I admit I got addicted to. When I dated someone last Jan who didn't engage in that game, I got so bored. So I need to work on myself and I know exactly why I stayed, I liked the rush, the missing, I was and still am an abandoholic. Now she is with someone else, and I am still thinking of her. I must have something majorly wrong with me to want someone who is with someone else love bombing them. I texted her that yesterday I said I wish you the best, you are probably in a honeymoon phase now. She replied, "you go from 0-60 in 1 second, no it's not true". Now that I am starting to date, I realize girls don't have gold vagina syndromes... .only my ex had. I stayed and deprived myself when I could have been going out and having fun.

[In a bad way]

     I was just remembering my ex how she used to create an argument, then she leaves, then I used to chase and apologize for things I shouldn't apologize for and no normal human being would need an apology for. Then she withdraws sex for weeks saying "I need space" or "I need to heal from all your bad treatment" LOL.       

How very true.

[SuperJew82]

Perhaps a more elegantly title could be used LOL, but I know exactly what you are talking about.

Why do people watch Drama and Action films... .it's the rush, the conflict, the turmoil, the resolution, etc... .all that dopamine in the reward pathways getting all giddy!

It's a little different when your life turns into a horrible drama suspense movie.

Yes, early on I found myself apologizing for stuff I should have never apologized for. I found you flirting/texting with your ex-bf while you were in my bed. I have a right to be mad. She gave me the silent treatment after me getting upset and I was trying to make things right after that. I later got my senses back and told her if she wasn't going to talk to me, she should leave my house as there was no point in her being there... things changed then.

[Freeatlast_1]

Perhaps a more elegantly title could be used LOL, but I know exactly what you are talking about.

SuperJew - Golden Vagina Syndrome is a known concept in Psychology and is part of the BPD pathology. I read a lot on it... .it's hillarious.
I don't know why I am finding my suffering humoring today... .It curbs my anxiety possibly.

My ex is currently love bombing someone else. My ego took a dive, so I am trying to lighten myself up.

[SuperJew82]

I think finding the humour in things and laughing about them can be a perfectly healthy concept. I've done the same thing with friends over a beer. I'm no therapist by any stretch - but sometimes that feels like the best way to reflect on something that has made us cry so many times.

I had no clue that was an actual Psych term though! Sounds a hell of a lot better than the Platinum Penis Syndrome, if you ask me.

[wastelandchic]

My uBPDex was the most hypersexual woman I ever met and so even when upset she would still want to have sex although I think it was just as much about feeling something - anything.

But to your point of manufacturing drama... .they're experts at it. And for the BPD I believe the express purpose is, again, to feel anything other than that emptiness. Read any BPD message board and it becomes abundantly clear that Borderlines are constantly searching for something to fill that gaping void in their lives. They're so dysregulated that they would prefer to fight than sit there quietly and enjoy a movie, etc. My ex warned me early on (red flag I overlooked owing to tremendous sex) with a seemingly innocuous statement that she would not be ignored. No one likes to be ignored but it came across as very childish and petulant almost like my 4-year-old had said it. Suffice it to say, "feeling ignored" consisted of not heaping all my praise, attention and focus on her all the time. I was just thinking today how often she liked to manufacture a crisis or pull drama out of thin air, particularly when we were on vacation, usually parked on some sandy white beach in Mexico with no possible reason to be anything but happy. And yet she always managed to make the entire trip miserable with her insufferable pouting and low grade passive aggressive snark.

Yeah, pretty standard stuff... .

[Freeatlast_1]

My uBPDex was the most hypersexual woman I ever met and so even when upset she would still want to have sex although I think it was just as much about feeling something - anything.

But to your point of manufacturing drama... .they're experts at it. And for the BPD I believe the express purpose is, again, to feel anything other than that emptiness. Read any BPD message board and it becomes abundantly clear that Borderlines are constantly searching for something to fill that gaping void in their lives. They're so dysregulated that they would prefer to fight than sit there quietly and enjoy a movie, etc. My ex warned me early on (red flag I overlooked owing to tremendous sex) with a seemingly innocuous statement that she would not be ignored. No one likes to be ignored but it came across as very childish and petulant almost like my 4-year-old had said it. Suffice it to say, "feeling ignored" consisted of not heaping all my praise, attention and focus on her all the time. I was just thinking today how often she liked to manufacture a crisis or pull drama out of thin air, particularly when we were on vacation, usually parked on some sandy white beach in Mexico with no possible reason to be anything but happy. And yet she always managed to make the entire trip miserable with her insufferable pouting and low grade passive aggressive snark.

Yeah, pretty standard stuff... .

Wow how classic. My ex is the same way. We would be fine, then she starts wanting attention. I am pretty cold when one foot is out the door... .and my one foot is out the door with her most of the time, cuz I am scared of her push pull... .my heart is locked up. She expects me to be open and bubbly all the time as she pulls and pushes me and manipulates me. When she cries, I have to treat her like a 1 year old crying, the difference is, a 1 year old does not call you names and blames you for everything. I really wish from deep within my heart and soul that she can change. I swear I would be so amazing to her. I would even change a lot and grow with her. But I can't trust her! one week after a break up and I see her holding hands with someone else. The second I think of it I get an ache in my chest that lingers. I take it very personally even if we were broken up. My friends tell me, "you were broken up so she doesn't owe you anything", let me know if you guys agree with this. She owes me respect for the relationship... .but yet again she grieves differently than a healthy person. But to picture her with someone else, is too much for me to handle.

[SuperJew82]

The sex with a pwBPD was unbelievable... .It has been hard getting used to "normal" sex. She would get horny for weird reasons as well... If she was really stressed, upset, or etc --- she would turn hypersexual. When I'm overwhelmed or stressed, sex is the last thing on my mind.

So yes, I believe you are on to something. Sex should not be a coping mechanism or tool. It should a healthy fun part of a relationship tied to love and intimacy.
They either use it as a tool for manipulation or a maladaptive outlet which often times turns very risky.

[In a bad way]

I think I must be in the minority on here, mine hardly ever wanted sex.
The first time was great, after that it was like trying to get blood from a stone.
Always tired, wait till Friday I don't have to get up early on Saturday, Wait till tonight I don't have to get up early in the morning.
Oh I'm tired wait till tonight, I'm just going to make a coffee I'll be back to bed in 5 minutes... .30 Minutes later I get a text telling me my coffee is going cold, I go down stairs say I thought you were coming back up... .Oh I'm tired.
Talked good sex with promises via text during the day like if you make a nice meal tonight you never know what's for desert, or do the list I've left you and I'll show you my sexy outfit I've bought. Yeah right... .what outfit? I never saw them.
Never happened, apart from once in a blue moon, then she would moan she's had enough because I last too long... .LOL
Asked her plenty of times if she didn't like sex but she said she did but I'm tired.
Funny though considering there were plenty of blokes before me, although I know she was the same with them. (don't ask me how I know).
Then she would accuse me of never wanting sex! When she was trying to think of something to argue over.
You couldn't make it up.
Then she said I was out of order because I wanted sex all the time, I'd learned to only try once a week.
One time after months of no sex and we finally did she said, "oh I didn't think you wanted to do that anymore".
I told her she said not to ask and she would let me know when.
Apart from the first time she never instigated sex in the entire RS.

[SuperJew82]

A lot of times ( the majority ) BPD sufferers have a history of sexual abuse in their past. This can have an influence on how they see sex.

Also, completely normal people have low sex drives for no evident reason at all.

It's complex, what can I say?

[Seenowayout]

I was just remembering my ex how she used to create an argument, then she leaves, then I used to chase and apologize for things I shouldn't apologize for and no normal human being would need an apology for.

Yes -- me too!  Was just remembering the other day how I used to profusely apologize for having to go on a one day or two day business trip without her.  I WAS GOING TO WORK!  Several times when this happened I promised I would never do it again, would never travel on biz with out her.  She would throw such tantrums and accuse me of so much uncaring and wanting to get away from her and wanting to have my own time and even possibly cheating on her -- she only wanted to be with me after all -- is that so bad?  And once I promised, I offered to take her with me when the needs arose again (nature of my business) -- but she accused me of not really wanting her to go with me.  OY!

What the heck was wrong with me?  Almost like I was a dramaholic on top of abandaholic.

Cheat on her?  She required so much sex from me -- I had nothing left for anyone else even if I had the desire -- which I didn't.  If I didn't have sex with her one night there was something wrong with me and she would go crying to her brother.  He suggested I go on Viagra to keep up.  One night of abstinence!    More drama.  More abandonment.

Again -- what the heck was wrong with me?

 

[Freeatlast_1]

see

Mine was the opposite. She would withhold sex when I wanted it and offer it when I am distant from her, like a dance. She uses sex to bond romantically, I use sex for that plus stress relieve, anxiety etc. She would complain to her mom, who sided by me because she is similar to me in that aspect. Funny, push pull even when it comes ot that.