I sent a text about my H to my H accidentally

[Tattered Heart]

I screwed up soo bad. My H went to church with me yesterday and I had told a friend I was nervous about him going because of his issues with religion. She texted me this morning and asked how he liked it. My response was:

"It went better than expected. He still hates church and complained about it, but it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be." Send. Oh crap! It just went to my H.

He has been text bombing me all morning. I tried to validate but I am painted too black for him to hear it. I am literally shaking because I'm so worried about going home. I don't know what to do. He hasn't been this mad at me in a really long time. I did apologize for making him look bad to others, but now he is demanding to see all my text messages with friends. I feel like throwing up. I'm scared to go home. I'm his enemy. Why did I do that?

I made it even worse because he asked me if I sent the text to my friend even after I accidentally sent it to him and I said no. Then he asked for proof. I had already started going through text messages deleting anything that he could take as negative about him. So I had to fess up to deleting it and now that further made me look like I was hiding something. Wow I couldn't have handled this worse.

What do I do? How do I diffuse this?

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[flourdust]

Oy... .nightmare stuff.

Some truths here... .

It's true you did screw up. You sent him an offensive text, and you showed him that you are gossiping about him behind his back. He's understandably hurt, and that's your fault. You've apologized, and you may need to apologize more and to agree not to gossip about him to friends.

It's also true that you're entitled to some privacy of your own. Do you want him to look through your phone? Your social media? Your bpdfamily account? Maybe that's a price you are willing to pay to make amends and try to restore trust. Maybe it is not. You may have to draw a line and say that while you apologize and you commit to making amends, you aren't going to give up your private communications to him. And then let the chips fall where they may.

[Tattered Heart]

bpdfamily isn't on my phone. I go to pretty extensive lengths not to be found out. That would be a nightmare.

I'm not sure how to handle the phone issue. I need to think on that one. It's going to be a focus for him and anytime I leave it lying around he will be tempted to check it. If I hang on to it tightly then it will cause him to not get over this. Hmmm... .

[Donalith]

What about simply setting your boundaries? Sorry his feelings are hurt because you sent him a text not meant for him and it shattered his illusion that public persona was perfect.

You need to have someone(s) you are comfortable talking to as people in general can't live in isolation. If you have friends you need to talk to (vent to) and he's the topic, so be it.

It's certainly valid to be sorry that he discovered this in the fashion that he did. It's also valid that this is an outlet that you need if you'd like to not have an isolation-related meltdown.

Remember, you choose how you're going to "relate" in a relationship: not someone else.

[Radcliff]

Hi TH, while this is hugely cringeworthy, don't beat yourself up too much.  Try to take a walk at lunch to get your body to relax a bit.  It is probably impossible now but when you can try to get some perspective and decide if your communication to your friend was appropriate.  Everyone needs support.  :)on't let your husbands reality define yours.

And then you need to also deal with your husband's reality.  Validate validate validate.  But do not give up too much ground or validate the invalid.  You have not cheated on him.  You have a right to privacy and to be your own person. My thought is that giving up your phone just feeds things.  He will always need to see it.  He needs to trust without a crutch like that, and you should not have to sacrifice your personhood to appease him.

I would not try to fix this by text.  Just tell him you feel horrible and you will talk when you get home.  Maybe promise him his favorite dinner.  But don't let both of you get spun up or exhausted with a long text or phone exchange unless you are certain it will get him reregulated.

As far as deleting things, be honest.  Say you were so horrified about hurting him you were bumbling.  His emotions are valid.  Your love for him and care for his emotions is valid.  Go with that, and repeat as long as necessary.

This certainly may feel apocalyptic.  You may be miserable for a bit, but you can get through this.  Hold your head up, give him love and patience, and he will reregulate.

 

Wentworth

[I_Am_The_Fire]

This sounds way too familiar. I've been there and I feel for you. It's tough.  My thoughts on this... .

If you're afraid to go home, maybe meet him somewhere public like at a restaurant where he hopefully won't create a scene with others present. If he doesn't want to meet you in public, go out by yourself somewhere until things calm down and both of you can hopefully discuss this calmly later. I would also ask myself why I am so scared and work on calming/grounding myself. I know it's easier said that done but try to not get yourself worked up over this.

Personally, I don't think anything you did was horrible. Yes you discussed something about him with your friend. It's what you do with friends. It's not necessarily gossip, IMO, and not necessarily a bad thing. We all need to vent or it drives us crazy inside. I'm going to guess it triggered him big time. If he's like my ex, he has this "saintly" image of himself and how others see him. If that gets challenged even in the slightest way, there's hell to pay. I don't think this is healthy for anyone and makes for tough situations. 

This also reminds me of when my ex would rage at me for even the smallest of infractions. I hated living this way but he refused to see his part in it. It was all my fault. This is not ALL of YOUR fault. Life happens. Accidents happen. Yes you accidentally texted him something that doesn't paint him in a favorable light. Yes you panicked and started deleting texts. I don't blame you one bit. Was it right or wrong? That's up to you. I certainly can understand why you'd do that. You probably didn't want to make things worse. I get that. 

He can feel angry or whatever and that's okay. Feelings are okay. It's how we react and what we do after that that can be problematic. I do not believe he has ANY right to demand to see any of your other texts, etc. I do not believe he has ANY right to take it out on you. At what point do you give up any sense of privacy? Are you willing to do that? If so, why and how does that make you feel?

Ultimately, it's up to you on how you want to handle this. Personally I would just be honest with him about what happened, validate his feelings, why you did what you did (even if you just panicked because of how angry he was - a very normal reaction, IMO), and how YOU feel. Maybe this is a much needed catalyst to address the underlying issue that has been an issue between you for some time now. It needs to be addressed and resolved somehow or this will probably happen time and time again. It takes two. If he is unable to see his part in all this, it won't get resolved. Personally I would sincerely apologize once and move on. If he's unable to accept a sincere apology and move on, then why is that and how do you feel about that?

What advice would you give to one of your friends if he/she were in this situation? I think the best way to diffuse difficult situations is to remain in control of your emotions and reactions since it sounds to me like he is unable to (or unwilling to) regulate his own emotions.

*hugs*

[Tattered Heart]

I wish I had thought of the boundary issue of being able to share with a friend before I started the conversation. I think I gave too much in regards to that now.

Ok great thoughts on this. I just hate to have to grovel for so long. He wants to punish me for what I did. I've apologized repeatedly and I'm validating like crazy. The texts are slowing down. I think next time he texts I'll suggest we talk about it when I get home. And then be prepared to leave the house if it gets too heated.

I'm trying hard not to beat myself up. I upgraded to ios11 last night and I'm getting used to how the phone responds. I'm usually Soo careful. I don't know how or why it defaulted to send the text to him.

[Tattered Heart]

Personally, I don't think anything you did was horrible. Yes you discussed something about him with your friend. It's what you do with friends. It's not necessarily gossip, IMO, and not necessarily a bad thing. We all need to vent or it drives us crazy inside. I'm going to guess it triggered him big time. If he's like my ex, he has this "saintly" image of himself and how others see him. If that gets challenged even in the slightest way, there's hell to pay. I don't think this is healthy for anyone and makes for tough situations.

This is exactly what it is. He is embarassed more than anything. He feels like I look at him negatively all the time. He is worried what others will think next time they see him.

What advice would you give to one of your friends if he/she were in this situation? I think the best way to diffuse difficult situations is to remain in control of your emotions and reactions since it sounds to me like he is unable to (or unwilling to) regulate his own emotions.

I would tell someone else to remain calm, to acknowledge their wrong in the situation, and to give it time. I'd suggest validating like crazy. Be sympathetic to him.

[Frankee]

I'm not sure how to handle the phone issue. I need to think on that one. It's going to be a focus for him and anytime I leave it lying around he will be tempted to check it. If I hang on to it tightly then it will cause him to not get over this. Hmmm... .

Had a similar incident.  I didn't go to the store and get bread.  Would of thought I started a war.  I had the same issue with my phone.  My SO got so mad about how much I was on my phone.  Said that I was plugged in, was so stupid I had no thought outside my phone, anytime I needed to know something I would pull out my phone, and saying I can't form my own thoughts.  Now when he's around, I try to put my phone up and not play on it.  I also make sure that I delete any conversations, search history, or emails, that he could possible misinterpret if he did ever pick up my phone and start snooping.  I even use my work email for bpdfamily.  He has access to my personal email.  This is the only thing I hide and for good reasons.  I cover my tracks and I try to show him that I don't always have my face stuck in my phone.

Fire is also right.  If something went wrong, it was completely my fault.  He was the victim and he would milk it even after it was all dried up.  I'm too in a conundrum.  I'm worried about when he comes home tonight.  I haven't figured out what to say to validate or make any of my current situation better.  It's not about the phone, but another issue.

I also am taking the advice mentioned previously.  Think it will help me as well.  I also keep telling myself that if it wasn't this thing, it would of been something else.  If it wasn't getting the bread, it would of been forgetting bologna, or I didn't read his mind and know exactly what he wanted to eat.  The overreaction to infractions seem to me that it usually isn't what happened that is the reason they are so upset, it's something more to it.  Something that has been festering in his mind and was waiting for that one little thing to set him off.  Not saying that we're not to blame for any of it, but as others had mentioned, accidents happened.  You have shown him your sorry.  All you can do is apologize and validate.  It's not up to you whether or not he accepts it.  It does sound like he will eventually get better.  Maybe just needs time.  It feels like walking through a landmine and waiting for someone to push you right onto the explosion.

[isilme]

Oh man, I had this happen once about 8 years ago and it was horrible.  He had a "silent rage" in a hardware store, insisting on buying something that may not have even fit in our car, mad at me for daring buy a car that could not carry large items for him, refusing to call any friends with a truck, and refusing delivery.  He was "whisper yelling" at me for ages in the store as I try to look calm and not react because we were in public - had I added to the scene it would have gotten even worse. 

He got so mad he walked out of the store.  Now, I can see he was taking a break, but at that point, I was so frazzled I freaked out and texted his mom telling her he'd gotten angry and walked out on me in a store.  I needed to contact SOMEONE, and I don't share things about his temper with ANY friends.  I was walking around scared, not sure what to do, and he came back, insisted we buy the thing, we managed to cram it into the car, get it home, and THEN while I was finishing setting it up,
 my phone in another room, she responded and I had text previews on (she knows about his anger issues, she does not know about BPD.  She is both a help and hindrance with this, sometimes being able to assist, sometimes making things far worse). 

He saw her message, which was not horrible but was like "has he calmed down yet?" or something like that, and it caused a horrible fight about me "gossiping" about him, spreading stories, etc.  For years, he has assumed that anytime anyone looks at him unfavorably it's because I must be telling stories (not that some people have seen him lose it to one degree or another). 

Ugh, I am so sorry.  Like all things, it will pass in time, and its going to be unpleasant until then, AND will likely be brought up to punish you later.  I am sorry

I had the same issue with my phone.  My SO got so mad about how much I was on my phone.  Said that I was plugged in, was so stupid I had no thought outside my phone, anytime I needed to know something I would pull out my phone, and saying I can't form my own thoughts.  Now when he's around, I try to put my phone up and not play on it

Yeah - he assumes I am texting people all the time, talking to people constantly, instead of playing Tetris or some other mind-numbing game.  He has gotten mad if I tell him I don't know something and reach for my phone to check (hours a store is open, etc.). 

He has not been told BPD family exists, nor do I usually access it from home, ever.  I just get on here at work. 

[isilme]

The overreaction to infractions seem to me that it usually isn't what happened that is the reason they are so upset, it's something more to it.  Something that has been festering in his mind and was waiting for that one little thing to set him off.

Yes.  Our actions are usually a very small straw on a camel's back.  And BPD is often very tied to avoiding blame and shame, and the idea that we are spreading blame and shame is quite terrifying to them, and the persona they want people to see.

[Fie]

Hello Tattered Heart,

I am so sorry, this is certainly very stressful for you.
The way I see it, you did nothing wrong though. You vented to a friend. That's one of the reasons we have friends !
If your husband's behavior would always be perfect, you wouldn't have vented. End of story.
Now you sending the message about him, to him, was a bit clumsy / awkward. That's all. If your husband would not be BPD, he'd probably just take this as his wife needing to vent about him to a friend. That's all. If I had a partner and he did this, I would probably tell him something in the line of 'well, that's not very nice for me', laugh about it, and drop it.
You didn't cause your husbands' BPD. He's asking you to live with it, though, and you need some tools to be able to do that. One tool is venting to friends.
You apologized already, several times. I wouldn't go any further on that one. You know very well how it is with BPD sometimes... .the more you apologize, the more you confirm their idea you really did something wrong... .and the more they dysregulate.
Don't trap in the JADE-trap... .

About giving him access to your phone... .this will be a *never* ending story. He might be always able to find something in your messages to fight about. He might always find something to confirm his own ideas. He might try to isolate you from your friends ; he might accuse you of cheating ... .Box of pandora if you ask me.

xx Much luck and if I were you, I would keep myself ready to quickly remove myself from the house if he shows you he's not accepting your apology.

[Tattered Heart]

He has not been told BPD family exists, nor do I usually access it from home, ever.  I just get on here at work. 

Me too. I even use an email address that I created only for this site. It's not on my phone and I never check it. I will sometimes check the site from my phone at home but if I do, I immediately delete all browsing history. Mostly I"m on here at work though.

I just got an apology text. Whew! He apologized for making it a bigger deal than it was. I apologized again and validate the crap out of him and validated that I don't want him to feel embarrassed to be around my friends. We will have to rehash all this when I get home, but the tornado is over. It's just gusty winds now as long as I don't stir things up later.

And... .he also wants to talk about religion now.  

[I_Am_The_Fire]

He is worried what others will think next time they see him

It sounds to me that he seeks external validation for who he is instead of validating himself. I think this may be one of the core issues for those with BPD and such. I know it was one of my big issues and why I was co-dependent for so long. I'm doing much better now that I validate myself instead of looking to others. Getting here wasn't easy by any means. It took a lot of hard work. No one could do it for me either.

I think a lot of this may have to do with deep rooted insecurities. If they weren't so insecure, these things probably wouldn't be really big issues. I'm now in a very healthy loving r/s. It's like night and day when compared to my former marriage. We are both very secure in who we are as people. We also have a very healthy trust and respect for each other and our boundaries. My BF and I are also able to calmly talk to each other about what bothers us and actually resolve issues. This is the complete opposite of my former marriage. 

Frankee... .that sounds a lot like my ex too. I now know that I used my phone and computer as means to escape from him and reality. As bad as it may sound, it became a coping mechanism for me.

Tattered Heart... .I'm glad to hear that! *hugs* Well, except for the part of talking about religion.   

[Frankee]

Yeah - he assumes I am texting people all the time, talking to people constantly, instead of playing Tetris or some other mind-numbing game.  He has gotten mad if I tell him I don't know something and reach for my phone to check (hours a store is open, etc.). 

Same problem I had.  He asked if I had called someone.  I said, oh I didn't.  He reminded me I needed to call that person so I reach my phone and he exploded.  Telling me not to do it now and I should had called them before and don't act like I was going to do it right that second.  Had the deer in headlights reaction.  I froze and was taken completely off guard.  So I can't even check my phone when he asks a question I don't have an answer to because I'm afraid of another explosion and being called stupid or worse.

[Donalith]

Frankee: Out of curiosity, why do you put up with it?

[Frankee]

I ask myself that question.  I know it appears like I'm run over all the time.  I have gotten better about standing up and not letting him mow me down all the time.  It's a work in progress, but the more I talk about it and research, the better I am equipping myself with how to handle things.  I have found that ways I was previously handling situations, i.e. yelling, screaming, invalidating, name calling, cold shoulder, etc were very unproductive and only made things worse all around.  Right now I'm learning constructive ways to respond.  I'm the healthy one and know I am fully capable of handling emotions, stressful situations, being tired, hungry, whatever it is, a lot better than he is.

[Donalith]

Frankee: That's great! I hope my question wasn't interpreted as judgmental. I truly was curious. I was in an unhealthy relationship for a decade before I worked up the courage to leave. I believe I gave her every possibility for growth and change and when it became obvious to me that there wasn't going to be any change I made arrangements. The emotion that was holding me back from moving on was fear.

I'm glad you are growing and have self-confidence in your ability to manage your own emotions. I'm sure this has been said many times on this site but one more time isn't going to hurt anyone, I think: you are responsible for your own emotions and actions. You are NOT responsible for anyone else's emotions or actions. You are NOT a cause and they are NOT an effect. There is no equals (=) between you and your BPD other. There is no equation to balance. You are individuals, accountable to yourself, interacting in a constantly growing and evolving relationship. Sometimes we grow together. Sometime we grow apart.

Those are probably enough shibboleths from me for now.

[Frankee]

I think: you are responsible for your own emotions and actions. You are NOT responsible for anyone else's emotions or actions. You are NOT a cause and they are NOT an effect. There is no equals (=) between you and your BPD other. There is no equation to balance. You are individuals, accountable to yourself, interacting in a constantly growing and evolving relationship. Sometimes we grow together. Sometime we grow apart.

Think a lot of us one here can relate to that.  Especially with being blamed like there is no tomorrow.  Keep reciting that in my head.  It's not about me, it's about their internal struggle, I can not control his reactions/emotions, and just because he says it does not make it true.

TH, you are doing great.  Nobody is perfect.  It was a slip up.  He apologized so that to me means he is aware his reaction was over the top.  When my SO apologizes, I accept it and let it go.  It shows me that he is becoming more aware of things he said/did really hurt me.

[Radcliff]

TH, glad your day took a turn for the better sooner than expected!  The roller coaster is exhausting.  What nice thing can you do for yourself this evening?

Wentworth

[Chosen]

Yikes.  I cringed when I saw your post, because it's happened to me.  Almost the same thing.  Except it was me sending a message to somebody, but I forgot to log off on the computer and H accidentally saw it.

I didn't handle it well so the matter actually stayed unresolved for years, without me knowing, and H's resentment of me built up.  Basically I tried to brush it off and denied its seriousness, and hoped that he would forget about it.  He hadn't, and he brings it up all the time.  And just a few weeks ago he again brings it up, says that I have been gossiping about him (I didn't feel it was gossiping- I mean, for goodness sake, he has strong BPD traits, I need to talk to people to keep my sanity!), and finally I fessed up and said yes, I had talked to people before, I wanted to improve our marriage, and it was wrong.  I didn't think it was wrong at that time because I have a good intention, but now I can see that it was disrespectful to him.  In any case, he didn't like it, he still goes on about me "cheating on him" and "lying", but at least I have come clean.  Time will tell whether it helps "mend" the relationship because at least I'm no longer denying things and lying to him so to speak.

However, I have also resort to not using my phone or email or social media for anything that may seem like I'm gossiping about him.  I'm not actually gossiping per se (he thinks I'm just texting people all the time venting about him, when actually I'm talking to a selected few, and asking for advice about particular things, like "he puts so much pressure on himself- how can I get him to take sometime off for himself".  But of course for BPDs, even undiagnosed ones, they will view it as an attack on their "being".  In order to set his mind at ease, I have even offered to let him check through my phone, but he refused, saying if he can't trust me then there's no point in the marriage anymore.  But the fact is he can't trust me!  Anyway... .his choice not to look, but in any case I'm not going to type anything which requires any deleting in the future, so I don't have to lie.  I only ever go on here on my work computer... .:P

[Radcliff]

One common theme I think for many of us is that when we make a mistake, especially if we know we've stepped in it and feel bad about it, there can be tremendous pressure from our pwBPD to make amends according to their reality.  In these situations I find it tremendously difficult to have a good perspective on things.  I'm inclined either to minimize it and be defensive (less so these days) or overcompensate and give ground I shouldn't (more common these days).  If my wife demands an even more detailed admission of wrongdoing by me or a concession to make thing all better that I'm not sure I'm comfortable with, I try to buy time, repeating my validation of her feelings and saying I need some time to get some perspective.  She does not like this *at all* and perceives it as invalidating, but I think it's better than giving in or caving and admitting more than a reasonable amount of responsibility.  This does not seem like a perfect solution, so I'd be happy to hear from any of you who could suggest improvements!

Wentworth

[pearlsw]

Hello Tattered Heart,

I am so sorry, this is certainly very stressful for you.
The way I see it, you did nothing wrong though. You vented to a friend. That's one of the reasons we have friends !
If your husband's behavior would always be perfect, you wouldn't have vented. End of story.
Now you sending the message about him, to him, was a bit clumsy / awkward. That's all. If your husband would not be BPD, he'd probably just take this as his wife needing to vent about him to a friend. That's all. If I had a partner and he did this, I would probably tell him something in the line of 'well, that's not very nice for me', laugh about it, and drop it.
You didn't cause your husbands' BPD. He's asking you to live with it, though, and you need some tools to be able to do that. One tool is venting to friends.
You apologized already, several times. I wouldn't go any further on that one. You know very well how it is with BPD sometimes... .the more you apologize, the more you confirm their idea you really did something wrong... .and the more they dysregulate.
Don't trap in the JADE-trap... .

About giving him access to your phone... .this will be a *never* ending story. He might be always able to find something in your messages to fight about. He might always find something to confirm his own ideas. He might try to isolate you from your friends ; he might accuse you of cheating ... .Box of pandora if you ask me.

xx Much luck and if I were you, I would keep myself ready to quickly remove myself from the house if he shows you he's not accepting your apology.

Hi Tattered Heart, I just want to quickly echo Fie here. I think these comments are spot on! I know part of what we do is "walk on eggshells" but there is a part of me that just craves the normalcy of being able to say "I apologize" and then have a reasonable expectation that you can move on. You should not have to worry/suffer for a moment over the fact you need to "vent" to people. I agree, don't feed into this by over apologizing. You are such a pro at validating! So, deal with the feelings, but don't give up your ability to vent or give up what privacy you have. I hear ya, I am nervous to type on my computer when my husband is around because he will blow it up into something it isnt' and try to take away my (what little I have if any?) privacy, but, and you know this, don't give up the privacy you now have. It is too precious and necessary! Take care dear!

[Tattered Heart]

One common theme I think for many of us is that when we make a mistake, especially if we know we've stepped in it and feel bad about it, there can be tremendous pressure from our pwBPD to make amends according to their reality.  In these situations I find it tremendously difficult to have a good perspective on things.  I'm inclined either to minimize it and be defensive (less so these days) or overcompensate and give ground I shouldn't (more common these days). 

I get that. They get so worked up that they begin to start demanding these hoops to jump through and in your mind you think if I can just give them the evidence they want, then all will be better. But really it doesn't.

For instance yesterday my H wanted me to screen shot any other conversations I had with others about him and send them to him. I told him there weren't any. And of course he accused me of lying or deleting them. I responded by saying that they aren't there because I don't usually talk about him (which I don't. I rarely share his major issues). He kept demanding them. So my response was "I cannot give you evidence that doesn't exist. I know it would help you believe that I am constantly talking negatively about you but I cannot produce evidence that doesn't exist. Would you like me to start text my friends negative things about you just so you can have your proof?" At this point he started to calm down a little more.

Then he began to say he would never hang out with me or my friends again. He just kept trying to up it. Honestly i doubt he even remembers half of the stuff he said.

I will say that I was proud of him for NOT calling me names. He did start to attack my character and I told him that he was wanting to hurt me because he was hurt and he backed off of doing that too.

So just an update:

When I got home last night, he said just seeing me got him upset again. I left my purse and keys in the car just in case I needed to get out. I sat at the kitchen table and stayed completely emotionless while he talked through things again. He began to get a little heated (but not too bad) and I calmly said, "I want to talk with you about this, but when you start to raise your voice I have difficulty hearing you. Would you please lower your tone so we can talk?" I had to do this about 3-4 times and he finally began to relax more. I validated a lot.

By the end of the conversation he said that he had re-read through the text and what I said wasn't really gossiping about him or even that negative about him. And I can share with my friends but I should be more thorough in my explanation of why he doesn't like church instead and to make sure that I also focus on the positive aspects too. I agreed.

He then wanted to rant on about church all night and I tried to validate as much as I can, but he just gets super agitated. I was exhausted from the day. I still have to go grey rock when he talks about this subject so I gave short, validating, unemotional answers that made the subject boring for him. He finally stopped talking about it at bed time.

He tried to bring religion up again this morning and I explained that I listened to his complaints all evening yesterday and I did not want to rehash the subject this morning. I reminded him that I do not nag him to go to church with me and that he can go if he wants, but if he doesn't that's ok too. I reminded him that I do not see him as evil because he doesn't go. And he moved on to a new topic.

[pearlsw]

What an inspiring update! This sounds like it worked out fairly well. Now is the time to catch your breath and be happy you survived it and it did not get worse. Hugs to you! I know this could come up again for him, but sounds like you really got this into a good place and didn't give up too much! This seems like some good ground you can hold. Good luck on this one! Well done!