Time together?

[Depression = 72% of members]

I know most of the members on here live with their SO, unfortunately I don't. We both have very hectic schedules (mine more so than his he is just terrible with time management) and we live a little over a hour away from each other. The first 8 months of our relationship we were together at least 3 nights a week usually more... .and over time what I think was his BPD traits started coming out and he had some changes at work and his family situation seemed to get worse and in turn caused issues with us. We also had that other situation involving the other girl that added stress... .Slowly over time we started spending less and less time together down to 2 nights a week and maybe a dinner or movie here and there now it's 1 night a week sat and he is gone by sunday afternoon and he seems to rush home to do nothing for hours then homework or studies late at night

I am very understanding that his past relationships have shaped him and he doesn't want to make the same "mistakes" he did before by only worrying about what the other person wants... .in this case me... .if it was all about what I wanted we would live together and be engaged by now... .I don't want to throw in his face how much I put aside what I really want to appease him because I know it would lead to him saying " then why are you with me" or something along those lines... .but I need more than 1 night a week with him... .the less time we spend together the more we fight and of course he says the more time we spend together the more we are going to fight... .he's a glass half empty kinda guy... .he looks at the worst possible outcome and goes with that instead of seeing the good that could come out of it.

He says he just likes to be alone and do nothing at all... .is that common with BPD? I'm still trying to learn what is normal and or common... .as a non I don't think the same way as him but I try so hard... .I just feel like we are going to grow apart before we grow closer with the 16 hours a week we spend together... .and it hurts me so much to feel that... .and as I said before since there was that situation with the other girl my mind can't help but wander to not so great places as to what he may really be doing... .it's like he has his reasons (which I feel if he really sat down and thought things out he could fig out ways to spend more time with me he admits he flys by the seat of his pants he's late to school goes back and forth to his house multiple times when running errands because of poor planning etc. it's not just with me) but I think it's because of that other girl... .I don't bring that up because he has told me this time she is out of his life in all ways and if I bring it up I reopen the book... .but it doesn't mean I don't worry... .Is there a way I can bring it up to him without being "pushy" or "intrusive" or "needy"

[lostandconfused6]

I know most of the members on here live with their SO, unfortunately I don't. We both have very hectic schedules (mine more so than his he is just terrible with time management) and we live a little over a hour away from each other. The first 8 months of our relationship we were together at least 3 nights a week usually more... .and over time what I think was his BPD traits started coming out and he had some changes at work and his family situation seemed to get worse and in turn caused issues with us. We also had that other situation involving the other girl that added stress... .Slowly over time we started spending less and less time together down to 2 nights a week and maybe a dinner or movie here and there now it's 1 night a week sat and he is gone by sunday afternoon and he seems to rush home to do nothing for hours then homework or studies late at night

I am very understanding that his past relationships have shaped him and he doesn't want to make the same "mistakes" he did before by only worrying about what the other person wants... .in this case me... .if it was all about what I wanted we would live together and be engaged by now... .I don't want to throw in his face how much I put aside what I really want to appease him because I know it would lead to him saying " then why are you with me" or something along those lines... .but I need more than 1 night a week with him... .the less time we spend together the more we fight and of course he says the more time we spend together the more we are going to fight... .he's a glass half empty kinda guy... .he looks at the worst possible outcome and goes with that instead of seeing the good that could come out of it.

He says he just likes to be alone and do nothing at all... .is that common with BPD? I'm still trying to learn what is normal and or common... .as a non I don't think the same way as him but I try so hard... .I just feel like we are going to grow apart before we grow closer with the 16 hours a week we spend together... .and it hurts me so much to feel that... .and as I said before since there was that situation with the other girl my mind can't help but wander to not so great places as to what he may really be doing... .it's like he has his reasons (which I feel if he really sat down and thought things out he could fig out ways to spend more time with me he admits he flys by the seat of his pants he's late to school goes back and forth to his house multiple times when running errands because of poor planning etc. it's not just with me) but I think it's because of that other girl... .I don't bring that up because he has told me this time she is out of his life in all ways and if I bring it up I reopen the book... .but it doesn't mean I don't worry... .Is there a way I can bring it up to him without being "pushy" or "intrusive" or "needy"

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.