BPD ex engaged 8 months later

[Icefog]

Just found out my ex who abruptly left with no further contact is engaged... .8 months after ending out 3 year relationship. While I know this is classic BPD it sure doesn't make me feel very good. I have struggled for months battling the effects of her sudden departure and all the loneliness, depression, self esteem questions and anxiety and was starting to feel better and then found this out. What a drag.

[CottonClouds]

How did you find this out?

If someone told you, ask them to not tell you anything about her anymore. If they don't respect your wishes, cut ties.

If you found this out by looking at her social media, now is a good time to quit.

How did you find this out? That can help me give you better advice.

[Icefog]

Found out from a friend. I don't creep social media at all as I know it's self harming. I let my pal know that I didn't need that information. We live in a small community and I still have to work with my ex so it was I inevitable... .sure hurts tho.

[CottonClouds]

Ok good, social media is the worst for recovery.

As long as your pal knew you were serious about what you said he should not do it again. Is it possible to get work elsewhere? So you could begin NC and start a real recovery?

[Icefog]

Yes all my pals know that's it's a topic that is generally not acceptable now. Regarding work it is a narrow field I work in. I just applied on a new job and it will take me for the most part out of direct contact but proximally it's right across the street from where she works and it's the same organization.

Right now I am bouncing from sadness and anger to head shaking. I know she has done this many times before. In fact she did it with me as I was a replacement as was the guy before me as was the guy after me. My rational mind knows that this is symptomatic and survival for her and based on her entrenched pattern of behavior as a result of the BPD and attachment disorder. Chances are this guy is going to suffer the same fate as the rest of us have (about 6 or 7 of us anyway) as her partners have a 2 to 3 year shelf life and then are discarded. I know this yet I am finding it quite hurtful.

[Skip]

I know she has done this many times before. In fact she did it with me as I was a replacement as was the guy before me as was the guy after me. My rational mind knows that this is symptomatic and survival for her and based on her entrenched pattern of behavior as a result of the BPD and attachment disorder. Chances are this guy is going to suffer the same fate as the rest of us have (about 6 or 7 of us anyway) as her partners have a 2 to 3 year shelf life and then are discarded.

Wow, you know six or seven partners when through his pattern... . 

How are you feeling these days?

Skip

[Kaboodle]

When I start to think about my ex-UpwBPDbf enjoying life with my replacement, I repeat these two mantras in my head:

You can't make a fruit salad with just a banana.

A relationship is not a mechanical bull riding contest.

In other words, my ex and his new supply may appear to be blissfully happy, but I know better.

[Pretty Woman]

Hi Ice,
   I am going through a similar fate. I, like you also know my ex's past pattern. She's been engaged six times and married once. She's been re-engaged ten years later... .to a past love.

Nothing has stuck but she has a team of people (mostly ex's)... .if they are single, they most certainly dip their toe back in the water again getting hurt in the process.

I never got close to marrying my ex. She dumped me so many times, I wouldn't let her move in and I think that was my brain saying, hey, this is crazy... .don't do it.

Unfortunately, I was listening to my heart.

Ice, you know your ex's history and that is a blessing. The likeliness of her new relationship succeeding... .not very high. You need to explore WHY it hurts. Do you feel this other person is better than you?

I know my replacement. I know she makes a lot of money and has a strong need to be liked. She is one of these people who likes every facebook post of every friend. When I was friendly with her and on FB I remember finding that really creepy. She liked EVERYTHING. Even my ex who left me for her said it was odd. Here is this CEO who is pretty darn successful but she must sit there 80% of her day liking ALL in her feed. It's a full time job.

I learned a long time ago NOT to compare myself to this person. She is successful but my ex is in deep debt. She is financially supporting her. Now they are engaged. When this implodes, which it likely will, she will have had much more invested of her life and livelihood than I ever did.

I am lucky to not be in that position, that's for sure!

So what is it that makes you feel this way? Your feelings are valid and I want to hear more, if you are willing to share.

PW