Mine emailed our college kids...

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Lots of guilt about their suffering father, memories about the good times, etc. etc.

My oldest asked if he could reply from both since they chose no-contact when we separated. It was clearly a "you must love me my way" type of email.

He did beautifully. Brief and to the point, reinforcing no-contact. They have chosen. My son did say in time that may change, but that there has to be mutual respect, and they will decide when. He wanted to be savage, but what's the point.

So naturally I got an email from the separated husband this morning complaining about the college kids and how this means he will die without having contact with them again. They never said that. Then another email about how they've always been horrible, selfish children, and here he is all alone suffering when they could be helping and encouraging him.

And here we are. I do feel sorry for him. He's got a lot of medical issues and is seeing a specialist today for an issue that he's worried about.

[MeandThee29]

Lots of guilt about their suffering father, memories about the good times, etc. etc.

My oldest asked if he could reply from both since they chose no-contact when we separated. It was clearly a "you must love me my way" type of email.

He did beautifully. Brief and to the point, reinforcing no-contact. They have chosen. My son did say in time that may change, but that there has to be mutual respect, and they will decide when. He wanted to be savage, but what's the point.

So naturally I got an email from the separated husband this morning complaining about the college kids and how this means he will die without having contact with them again. They never said that. Then another email about how they've always been horrible, selfish children, and here he is all alone suffering when they could be helping and encouraging him.

And here we are. I do feel sorry for him. He's got a lot of medical issues and is seeing a specialist today for an issue that he's worried about.

[Lucky Jim]

Hey M&T, With your kids in college, they are old enough to make their own decisions about their r/s with their father, I assume, so I would encourage you to avoid triangulating between your kids and your separated H.  Let them work it out, is my advice.  Having empathy for your separated H shows your kind nature; on the other hand, suggest you avoid taking on the role of care-taker for him.

LJ

[MeandThee29]

Hey M&T, With your kids in college, they are old enough to make their own decisions about their r/s with their father, I assume, so I would encourage you to avoid triangulating between your kids and your separated H.  Let them work it out, is my advice.  Having empathy for your separated H shows your kind nature; on the other hand, suggest you avoid taking on the role of care-taker for him.
LJ

Good points.

My college kids live at home, so we talk at meals when they're around. They read the email to me, and my only request to them was to maintain boundaries. They told me later what they sent.

When my husband emailed both times, I told him not to complain to me about our young adults and left it there.

Thankfully he has family several hours from where he is now. If something major comes up medically, he'll go stay close to them.