Welcome MrManhatten,
Sorry to hear that you have been struggling in your relationship... .When your wife begins to explode, how do you respond?
In the past, I would engage the outbursts by trying to comfort or arguing back. None of that works. Especially anything that has emotions and energy. And certainly not anything with reason or logic.
Now I try Active Listening... .which is helpful if I can catch the outbursts before it happens.
Or I just leave. Leaving may produce bigger outburst but it is less painful. I return when she has calmed down and is more rational.
But this doesn't always work because when I try to leave, she will sometimes attack me violently and attempt to stop be by holding me back physically or attacking me with objects like glass or knives.
