Could this be part of the healing process ?

[Yepanotherone]

So my BPD DD 17 still seems to be in a stable place and seems really quite upbeat these last 3 or 4 months in particular, with a noticeable change over these last few months being less  dependent on friends.  She literally surrounded herself with groups of people as if her life depended on it , was obsessed with having sleepovers constantly as she hated being on her own . However lately . She’s gone from one extreme to the other ... .always going out ( almost every night ) , staying out with horrible people who were a bad influence, to not going out at all ! She seems to be quite solitary right now . I have no idea why this is as she’s always been quite the social butterfly,  constantly seeking validation and her very identity seemed to be through having lots of friends around her  . If she wasn’t presenting as content  with her own company then I would be getting really concerned  . I’m actually quite impressed that she finally  seems happy with her own company  as previously she would have been climbing the walls if on her own  and feeling very lonely and lost . It’s a very strange turn of events , not quite sure what to make of it , but I’m not going to allow myself to worry about it as she does seem content with her own and our company as a family at least for now , and she’s spending much more time with her older ( very sensible) sister again which I’m delighted to see. Anyone have any thoughts ? Is this something other parents have experienced ?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[wendydarling]

Yep I recognise this, my 29DD was also a social butterfly till 26 when diagnosed, l was always amazed at the size of her social network, they were good people and she still has strong relationships, some are instrumental to her recovery. She has let a few friends go as she realised the relationships were too demanding.

I think my DD was exhausted by BPD, realised the direction she was going in to keep it all together was not working. So yes she became content with being solitary at home, recognising she needed to change her ways and most importantly her choices if she was to be safe and that it's ok to say NO and put yourself first. Home has always been a calm environment and I think she took refuge, a sanctuary where she could work on her recovery and find some peace.

It's a big contrast Yep isn't it, I too wondered what direction my DD was going in... .and for how long... I stood back and let her get on with it, she lives a quiet life now, and socialises when it feels right for her.  

It's good to hear she's also spending time with her sister.

So yes in answer to your question, the healing process started becoming a home bird!

I'm also interested to hear if other parents have experienced this change.

[wendydarling]

Yep  

I asked my DD last night during a loong chat. We have to be mindful here everyone's recovery is different. DD shared becoming a home bird has been intrinsic to her recovery. She actually referred to herself a former social butterfly, we've never spoken in this term. She was out there in the heart of London and wonders how people perceive her now when they meet her. At 29 I said well life changes, she agreed.

Is your daughter showing interest in joining the online BPD community?

WDx

[Yepanotherone]

She used to frequent self harm websites and follow other girls who indulged in self harm etc . I don’t think she does this now . I don’t think she’s joined any BPD forums either . I wouldn’t know for sure though because I stopped monitoring her online activity for my own health and sanity some time ago  !

I think she’s trying to steer clear of Any info about BPD and bipolar for now , I get the impression she’s spent many many hours sharing things with other kids with mental health issues for so long ; Online , during hospitalizations and within her circle of friends , and I sense she just wants a bit of a break from it all . Initially she did do a lot of reading but somewhere along the line just stopped . She was the one who actually diagnosed herself 2 years ago, telling the doctors “ I’m either bipolar or I have BPD . One things for sure , my thinking is not normal , this is more than just depression “

It’s actually a huge thing for her to be happy in her own company , and I do agree that its integral to healing as a lot of the BPD behaviors that my DD displayed was as a direct result of her being fearful of being alone and of not having friends . She’s learning that she can actually get through the day and difficult times  on her own without depending on friends  

Yep  

I asked my DD last night during a loong chat. We have to be mindful here everyone's recovery is different. DD shared becoming a home bird has been intrinsic to her recovery. She actually referred to herself a former social butterfly, we've never spoken in this term. She was out there in the heart of London and wonders how people perceive her now when they meet her. At 29 I said well life changes, she agreed.

Is your daughter showing interest in joining the online BPD community?

WDx

[wendydarling]

I think she’s trying to steer clear of Any info about BPD and bipolar for now , I get the impression she’s spent many many hours sharing things with other kids with mental health issues for so long ; Online , during hospitalizations and within her circle of friends , and I sense she just wants a bit of a break from it all . Initially she did do a lot of reading but somewhere along the line just stopped . She was the one who actually diagnosed herself 2 years ago, telling the doctors “ I’m either bipolar or I have BPD . One things for sure , my thinking is not normal , this is more than just depression “

I get that, needing a break from it all - it's exhausting. My DD takes quite long breaks from being online, from time to time, she's also stood back from watching the news - it's too depressing.

It’s actually a huge thing for her to be happy in her own company , and I do agree that its integral to healing as a lot of the BPD behaviors that my DD displayed was as a direct result of her being fearful of being alone and of not having friends . She’s learning that she can actually get through the day and difficult times  on her own without depending on friends  

Debbie Corso (Stronger than BPD) "says there may be part of you that thinks spending time alone is absolutely impossible and not something you could ever tolerate. If so please know I have been there, have had the same thoughts, and yet have managed to emerge on the other side of victory, You can too. Like me you may actually grow to enjoy some alone time, something I would have imagined impossible. Please don't be discouraged! So how do you get there?" ... .then goes into exploring personal values... .

WDx