As much as I would wish it, my EX hasn't moved to Calcutta, fallen into a black hole or been abducted by aliens. Which means I see her. A lot. I don't have any control over what she does.
I do have control over what I do, think and feel.
You're right itgetsbetter94
after experience with people with BPD, often severely wounded and hurt. And that's ok.
many of us are badly hurt. Like Ed says when I would run into my Ex out at social events, in public places, I too had a strong physical reaction. Like I was being punched in the gut. I would shake and feel terrified just by seeing her car. I was diagnosed with cptsd. a mild case.
what I've found to be true for me is that I need to build up my emotional toolbox so that when I see her, when she does something, regardless if it is manipulative or not, I'm not affected. I'm not thrown into a PTSD type flashback.
and if I am thrown into a PTSD type flashback I have a set of tools that help me work through that.
there are times it's important to remain distant. with an abusive relationship, physical and emotional, no contact is an important tool. it's impossible to heal wounds when new wounds are being inflicted.
for me, what I've learned over time and it's been a great deal of time; is that I don't want to give up any more of myself to my Ex than I already have. I want to rebuild myself back to the person I was before the relationship happened. that doesn't mean I go out and establish contact, engage in conversation or to use your analogy sit next to the heroin needle when I see it. It means I step over, walk around and know with inner certainty that heroin needle is not going to hurt me any longer because I won't allow it.
I do not want to be left with another open wound.
that's a good personal goal. I like the way you said that. time will help with that. so will continuing to do the deep introspective work of processing what happened, why it happened and how do we move forward so the damage has been repaired, not just covered over,
'ducks
