Daisy123:
Congrats on your 9 years of sobriety!
Generally, people with substance abuse are trying to handle something in an unhealthy way. Many times, it can be mental health issues that lead people to self-medicate by abusing alcohol or drugs. Perhaps both you and your husband have genetics that pass on a tendency for anxiety and depression? Have you or your husband ever been diagnosed with a mental health issue?
The root cause of BPD for a given individual is generally based on speculation. There is no exact way of knowing, and everyone's situation is a bit different. As with your daughter, people generally have multiple diagnoses prior to getting a BPD label. BPD can be environmental or it can be genetic, neurological or a combination of these.
The past circumstances could have contributed towards your daughter's condition, but there could well be a predisposition for your daughter to have had mental health issues anyway. BPD rarely stands alone. One theory is that when mental health issues such as anxiety, depression, bipolar, ADD/ADHD, OCD and others go unmanaged, the stage is set for BPD to evolve.
DBT can teach people to manage their emotions. DBT skills can be helpful to anyone. Perhaps it might be beneficial to have your daughter define what she hates about DBT. Perhaps there is a better way to deliver it or focus more on the elements she likes. If she gains a positive experience about some DBT exercises, she might open up to pursuing more.
It might help for you to learn a bit about what is involved in DBT. You can explore DBT at the following website:
www.dbtselfhelp.comIs your daughter on some meds to help manage depression and/or anxiety? It can, sometimes, be hard to find a med that works for an individual. If you can get a handle on the anxiety, depression or other health issues that meds can assist with, a person can be more receptive to DBT therapy or other types of therapy.