uBPDsis

[Depression = 72% of members]

I haven't been here since 2012.  I'm not really sure what I want to say or accomplish.  I went no/very low contact with my uBPDsis (undiagnosed as far as I know) in 2012.    Things have been mostly calm other than some FB posts that I find out about through others (sis is blocked); a couple of negative interactions with my adult children who wanted to maintain contact with their aunt (but now don't); and some negative interactions with another sibling.  uBPDsis has re-engaged with our parents and one sibling.  Another sibling and I still maintain no to low contact, occasionally seeing her at a family function.  My parents are pressuring us to "be a family" again before they die.   Guilt, guilt, guilt.  Received an email from our father telling us that "grown adults" should be able to let bygones be bygones for the sake of their parents.  FOG!  I responded and let him know that my decision to be no contact has nothing to do with him and mom.  It has to do with my own mental health, and how could he put me in the same box as someone who launched a public smear campaign about me; divulged confidences; and sent my children messages saying horrible things about me when I've never done any of those things.  The other no contact sibling sent a similar reply.  All of this blew up the week before Christmas, and now we have no contact with our parents and did not see or talk to them at all over Christmas.  My parents are in their 80's, and I wonder if I should just suck it up and deal with the drama.  On the other hand, my parents are behaving like flying monkeys for sis, which makes me not want to deal with them either.  So angry and hurt at the same time.  Just grrrrrrrrr

[baylady]

I haven't been here since 2012.  I'm not really sure what I want to say or accomplish.  I went no/very low contact with my uBPDsis (undiagnosed as far as I know) in 2012.    Things have been mostly calm other than some FB posts that I find out about through others (sis is blocked); a couple of negative interactions with my adult children who wanted to maintain contact with their aunt (but now don't); and some negative interactions with another sibling.  uBPDsis has re-engaged with our parents and one sibling.  Another sibling and I still maintain no to low contact, occasionally seeing her at a family function.  My parents are pressuring us to "be a family" again before they die.   Guilt, guilt, guilt.  Received an email from our father telling us that "grown adults" should be able to let bygones be bygones for the sake of their parents.  FOG!  I responded and let him know that my decision to be no contact has nothing to do with him and mom.  It has to do with my own mental health, and how could he put me in the same box as someone who launched a public smear campaign about me; divulged confidences; and sent my children messages saying horrible things about me when I've never done any of those things.  The other no contact sibling sent a similar reply.  All of this blew up the week before Christmas, and now we have no contact with our parents and did not see or talk to them at all over Christmas.  My parents are in their 80's, and I wonder if I should just suck it up and deal with the drama.  On the other hand, my parents are behaving like flying monkeys for sis, which makes me not want to deal with them either.  So angry and hurt at the same time.  Just grrrrrrrrr

[Woolspinner2000]

Hi Baylady,

Welcome back.   

This is the time of year when emotions are at an all time high, isn't it? With your parents getting older, do you think they they are viewing the end of their life and want relationships to be restored? What do you think the motivation is?

It would be nice if they could see the dysfunction and support you in the NC you have maintained. It is a double edged sword when it is our parents AND siblings putting the pressure on us. I sure can relate to FOG from having an uBPDm. That is so hard.

Remeber to be kind to yourself and do not be afraid to put your mental health first. So often we put ourselves last, and in the situation with a pwBPD in our life, the change does not come in them. It comes in us as our awareness increases and our heathiness grows. What do you want to do? You get to make the choice!

 
Wools