New to all this - need support please

[Suninhersmile]

Hello and I hope to find support in a secure and safe community.  I am very sad and scared about my just turned 20-yr old sophmore in college daughter who was just diagnosed with BPD.  Turns out, my brother and father also fit this description!  Wow, what a revelation.  I also scored a 100 in the sensitivity test, not a revelation, but I didn't know I would score that high.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[5xFive]

  Hi Suninhersmile. Welcome.
I am so sorry to hear about your daughters diagnosis. That must be so scary for you! Do you want to tell us a little bit about your story?
I have found that this is the best place for me to learn and vent and talk with like minded people who have experienced what I have experienced.
I’m sure one of our amazing ambassadors will be along soon to welcome you  properly, and show you where you can find some skills and tools.

[Skip]

Hi!

Can you share what series of events led to her getting diagnosed? 5xFive is right, this is the good place to learn and vent and talk with like minded people who have experienced what I have experienced.

Welcome.

[Suninhersmile]

Thank you 5xFive and Skip!
Events are (deep breath) - the big event was this past Fall (September, 2017) when she texted us to tell us she was in the ER waiting to get stitches (11 to be exact) for a "shaving accident" on her leg.  I knew she was struggling with something, but it was hard to know if it was just a phase or something else.  She also used to (I don't know how often) cut herself (this is really hard to type all this) in middle school.  Apparently, she had some sort of trauma when she was in fourth grade, but she hasn't told me what it was.  She's trying to find a DBT group, the psychiatrist wants her to find this.  She just started Seroquel a few weeks ago and slowly got off the SSRI, which intensified her emotions (which is probably why she cut herself so deeply in September).  She has seen a few therapists, but none that she likes, which makes this very difficult.

[5xFive]

It sounds like she is doing what she needs to do, albeit grudgingly. Therapy is so hard. A good therapist was hard for me to find. I like to imagine that every emotion that my pwBPD is feeling so much bigger and louder than the people around him. One misspoken word from a therapist could send him spinning, or one slight attitude in their tone and they are against him. Finding the right therapist is a struggle.
I hope things get better for you now that there is a diagnosis. Many people learn about BPD and it makes a complete difference in their lives. Of course, it is an emotional disorder and it is very difficult to control our emotions, so more than likely is it not going to be perfect or easy. The skills will help you cope when your daughter dysregulates. And they will help you from making it worse, sometimes. And sometimes nothing you do will stop her from dysregulating and then you have to forgive yourself.
I am new to offering advice to others. I have been posting on bpdfamily for almost a year and  I am typically in crisis mode when I post. I told myself that I was going to start posting when I am not in crisis because something had to change. So far, it has helped me remember my skills during the "white" phase and the last few days are the longest we have gone in months without arguing. Keep coming back and continue posting. We are all here for you. 

[bluek9]

Hi Suninhersmile, me too, me too! New at this just last week. My daughter is 35 and lives with me, I'm raising her son (6). Can you tell me more about this sensitivity test? I've never heard of it. Like one of the other replies to your post, I post everyday. I find it very helpful for myself, I read other posts like yours and respond hoping that in my own small way of shared expeirence I can be of support like others have been to me. Keep coming back, remember self care, hope to hear from you again. Bluek9