She informed me, her daugher has a place at Oxford, my loss, do not respond.

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I never thought, i would be writing this. I had a text message from my ex, from her new number.
She basically informed me, her daugher has a place at Oxford university, it was my loss, and to not respond.
Totally and utterly gobsmacked.
Help.

[Pencil sketch]

I never thought, i would be writing this. I had a text message from my ex, from her new number.
She basically informed me, her daugher has a place at Oxford university, it was my loss, and to not respond.
Totally and utterly gobsmacked.
Help.

[hope2727]

Wow so sorry. That must have been a shock.

One thing I have learned is to reverse the pronouns in their writing to help understand it.

She basically informed me, her daugher has a place at Oxford university, it was my loss, and to not respond.

Translation ... .It was her (your ex's) loss (of you) please respond

I would have been Gob Smacked too.

[Bo123]

Many things of BPD make sense, some are clear and fit the profile, others are just a spin of the wheel and this sounds like one.  Sorry you got that, it seems some send messages to see if you're still hooked, others to hurt you and some are just so cryptic that the world's best T wouldn't be able to figure it out.  The majority of messages do tend to be negative, its not enough that they screw with you mind in the r/s, some seem to enjoy it afterwards also.  I guess maybe a way to think about it is that it is a disorder, like a car with a defect that once in a while just doesn't run right and there's not a fix for it.  Her message makes no sense to me, and telling you not to respond, then why did she send it?  Mind games, if you can hold back, don't respond and take it for what you know it is.  Hope you can move past this quickly, my guess is that she has.

[Pencil sketch]

Thanks for the replies. I did reply. I got alot of issues off my chest. I didn't ride to it. It has pushed me back, but now, I have no doubt, she isn't a well person. I have blocked her number, and will keep up my side of no contact. I just feel it's just her way of twisting the knife, and she was probably drunk.
I don't think she will do it again.
These people, really are very disturbed.
I am thankful, I have this forum.
Keep on trucking hey, thanks guys xxx

[Skip]

She is still angry that you broke up with her?

What did you respond to her with?

[Pencil sketch]

She broke up with me, way back in August last year, but kept communication up, until December, when she said she hated my ... .guts, and changed her number. I really thought that was it, she always said, how much hassle it would be to change her number, so I was completely gob smacked, when she got in contact.
I basically recognised my mistakes during our relationship, no malice or bitterness, told her I was proud of her and her daughters achievement (which I am, it has been a struggle) and hopes she was happy with her life, I have been replaced.
I said I didn't understand what her message meant, but I have to move on, no malice, yet hers was full of bitterness.
I have deleted her number, and asked her to stay away.
I feel I have made my peace.

[Pencil sketch]

Things got pretty crazy towards the end, she kept saying, how much she hated me, and felt I was making her depressed, all i wanted to know was, why she hung around for 4 months, and was very proud of the fact she ended it first. Only weeks earlier, we were discussing my relocating up there, the pain was unbearable, I snapped and made some comments about her drinking, and how her kids would react  if they knew how she was behaving, and conversely, how she would react if her kids were treating someone like this. Lots of awful things were said, out of sheer frustration, and I still don't  understand why its my loss  when she bloody ended it, again.
Absolute headbake.

[Jeffree]

Putting this scenario into the BPD decoder program, I believe she sees it as your loss that she had to break up with you because you were incapable of meeting her every demand.

Now, of course, we know there is never any way to meet every one of a BPD's needs, and even as one tries they can go kooky anyway.

J

[pest]

My ex left me once year ago with very clear saying that she doesnt feel anything to me at all, it was very clear breakup. And after a week we unite. You can imagine what happened during this week. They are incredibly week, stay strong and realise that person you are dealing weakest weak of the whole population. They leave you because they are week and they try to unite because they are very weak.

She told me that it was my fault, she felt like that 3 days and I didnt text to her that we could unite. Noway everybody has to pay for what they have done no matter if she is sick or not. Even the children, when they make mistakes they have to pay for it to learn to not to make it again.

[Pencil sketch]

Pest, the pain and destruction these people cause, is unimaginable.
She said she did it, to prove a point, and that she is happy with no contact, and to stay away. I agreed, and then she says, she is staying away, because it's what I want.
Totally and utterly confused.

[Pencil sketch]

Well, she has gone again, saying if if continue messaging, she will change her number. I was brutally honest, and non confrontational, she was full of her usual spite and vitrol.
She gets very defensive, when I open up emotionally, and I said to her, that I would go back if she asked me to, it's easier for her to walk away, given that she hates me.
She pointed out, that she would never have me back, due to our incompatibility, something she has raised before.
It was an LDR and we haven't seen each other since August last year, she refused to see me.
I have said, if she contacts me again, I will drive up, and put a stop to this charade. I have heard nothing since.
Why come back, to put me through the emotional mill, tell me she hates me, to walk away again.
Help me make sense of this.

[Jeffree]

Why come back, to put me through the emotional mill, tell me she hates me, to walk away again.

I guess she would do that because she can.

I think a lot of times BPDs make nice verbal promises in order to make themselves feel good about themselves (See, I am a good person because I agreed to get back with you!) but they can't keep these promises (But I have to leave you this time because you... .), which makes them a bad person. But they have to disown themselves of that bad person feeling and they put the blame on the other person.

They live in this purgatory between the nice offered up promises and the horrible breaking of those promises and in order to justify this abhorrent behavior they lay blame to any and all factors they can think of.

Basically, they are good people only we won't let them be.

It's the old, "Why'd you make me kill you?" mentality.

J