The puzzle piece fits

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

For 8 months I have been searching for "why." My husband left me and the children and has virtually disappeared from our lives. We had been together nearly 30 years and a very close family. The whole thing has been so bizarre. Weird details I will hold off on for now.  He admitted he has found a new love. But there are so many things past and present that do not make sense... .until now. He fits the profile exactly. Exactly. The posts I've read on here sound so familiar.
Now I feel like I can move on. It's a terrible tragedy for the family but even more sad for him.
I wonder how one forgives and loves from a distance in order to heal. Villianizing the disorder and not the man certainly gives my heart the peace I need to move forward. Although his deeds are deserving of the utmost rage and disgust,  I can not hate the man.

[Bravejourney]

For 8 months I have been searching for "why." My husband left me and the children and has virtually disappeared from our lives. We had been together nearly 30 years and a very close family. The whole thing has been so bizarre. Weird details I will hold off on for now.  He admitted he has found a new love. But there are so many things past and present that do not make sense... .until now. He fits the profile exactly. Exactly. The posts I've read on here sound so familiar.
Now I feel like I can move on. It's a terrible tragedy for the family but even more sad for him.
I wonder how one forgives and loves from a distance in order to heal. Villianizing the disorder and not the man certainly gives my heart the peace I need to move forward. Although his deeds are deserving of the utmost rage and disgust,  I can not hate the man.

[Turkish]

Betrayal in painful,  especially after so long a marriage.  Forgiveness is possible,  but it may take time.  Give yourself that time 

I'm assuming the kids are grown. How is everyone handing this?

[Mutt]

Hi Bravejourney,



I'd like to join Turkish and welcome you to bpdfamily. What a terrible way to end a 30 year r/s  I'm glad that you have found us it helps to talk to people that understand what it's like to be in a r/s with a pwBPD/NPD.

I'm looking forward to reading your posts. Hang in there.

[Lucky Jim]

Hey Bravejourney, Let me echo Mutt and Turkish and say Welcome.  I'm sorry to hear about the terrible shock you've been through after almost 30 years of marriage.  Sad to say, most of us have also experienced turmoil and drama over the course of our own BPD relationships.  We understand what you are going through and are here to help.  How did you find out about BPD?  The reason I ask this question is because BPD is largely beneath the radar of most folks.  Fill us in, when you can.

LuckyJim

[Pencil sketch]

Welcome, I am so sorry you are going through this.
I can relate on so many levels, and am trying to separate the BPD from her, and see it for what it is, I have been dealing with a very sick person. I think the hardest part, is the initial stage, where it was wonderful, loving, and fufuling, where have those memories gone? She too is with someone else, but still had to come back one last time to twist the knife.
She has deleted my messages, and won't read them, she could neb3 deal with my emotions, and always found it me being aggressive, or extremily funny.
I should hate her, but can't, and it doesn't provide much comfort.
My thoughts are with all of you.