What Is/Was Your BPD's Profession?

[Jeffree]

Both my BPD spouses were outside sales reps.

Theirs were the kinds of jobs that fit the limitations of their personalities perfectly. All they had to do was "fake it" for 20 mins or so at each of their customers and they were on to the next. They could set their schedules, yet still show up late for an informal drop in, do home office whenever they didn't feel up to being out in the field, have minimum supervision, and still complain about their bosses, customers, or co-workers at home.

They would have both failed miserably at an office job. With all the ruckus they create, they'd be found out in no time and dismissed or driven crazy by their persecution complexes.

J

[BasementDweller]

I'm still in my relationship, and guess what my pwBPD's profession is?

Sales rep.

Interesting eh? One of his colleagues has raging ADHD. I think these professionas ARE good for this type... .short bursts of high energy interaction, and being able to be a bit intense actually helps, and even comes in handy. And since they don't form close relationships with their clients, it's easy for them to put on their best behavior, for a short period of time. Because they can be QUITE charming and convincing when they want something.

[Stolen]

Stockbroker.  Close enough to sales rep to say "the same"?   

Had split a series of sales assistants black well before it was my time.  I never understood what turned on the hate switch.  Oh - and changes firms every few years.

[gotbushels]

 

My ex worked in the transport industry in a service role.

I just wanted to share the point that BPD traits don't always manifest at the workplace. A reason for this is that some of the specific behaviours show up in relationships of which types aren't always present in the workplace.

"Though borderlines have extreme difficulties managing their personal lives, many are able to function productively in a work situation [... .]" (Kreisman 2010, link)

[Pretty Woman]

She was (is) in credit and collections. This is actually a very fitting job for her... .arguing (and in some cases threatening) people to get their money  

She would complain none of her co-workers really liked her. I believe it. She works with Sales Reps (ironically) and those personalities she loved decimating and telling them "no" in regards to credit for their customers. If she treats them even a 1/3 of how she treats me it's severely toxic.

She usually would get fired or layed off after a year or so at a job. She's worked in a lot of call center environments. She's been at this place since I met her (5yrs) however it's a very toxic, family owned business with a lot of internal, family drama. The boss graces the covers of our local society pages and even tried to buy a local sports team (a major one)... .yet he pays her peanuts. I think she stays only because she hasn't been fired. It really is a dead end job with no career growth, yet she is able (so far) to sustain employment there.

[Jeffree]

"Though borderlines have extreme difficulties managing their personal lives, many are able to function productively in a work situation [... .]" (Kreisman 2010, link)


I don't doubt this and am not arguing the contrary. However, I do think there are certain professions they are more likely to be productive in than others. And, yes, I know there are exceptions to that rule, too.

Ironically, my STBx is a relatively successful sales rep, but it took a village to get her there. I used to edit her emails and presentations because she dropped out of school in 10th grade and has uDyslexia, and is potentially illiterate. My having a B.A. in English also helped her in these regards, and it didn't hurt that I am a publisher/editor by profession.

I also had to provide her with a clean urine sample for her drug test for her current job because she smokes pot regularly and I do not do any drugs of any sort.

She also worked around the clock to make up for these and her time management deficiencies, so I had to fill in all the gaps in parenting and chores.

Like I said, it took a village to help her succeed, but of course she wants to question my abilities and cast stones when I lost my jobs because of how thin I was being stretched keeping her propped up. 

J

[LightAfterTunnel]

Artist/sculptor

I’m still tolerating the relationship until I feel okay to exit so I’m still supporting my BPDw’s job.

I too have thought about this subject and how she could/would never function in any sort of job that requires a strict schedule. I have always loved and continue to love art. She is an amazingly talented artist. I was doomed to fall for her. Little did I know that her art is really the only way she is able to deal with her internal stress and project the person she wants to be. It’s really a weird fantasy world... .

Actually I’m surprised by the sales rep commonality and I’ve always felt that artistic/entertainment jobs (such as my w) must be absolutely full of pwPDs.

[JNChell]

School bus driver along with random part time jobs. She started going to school for cyber security near the end of our relationship. Instead of lessening her course load to make it manageable with the kids, I was there to help before, she just quit. She said it was my fault that she had to quit.

[Portent]

Finance expert and high level manager with a Harvard MBA. Well not actually a Harvard MBA. She lied for years about having a Harvard MBA. There was another school she attended, with a loose association with Harvard, and she may have gotten an MBA from there. I'm not sure though. She was very proud of her undergrad project and talked about it regularly but never once mentioned her masters project. The company she works at is founded and run by Harvard grads so I guess she felt it was advantageous to lie about her education.

There was some insider trading in her company. I wonder who that could have been?

The SEC investigated everyone with knowledge of the information traded on. Suddenly my pwBPDex was no longer a Harvard grad.

I suspect that the didn't lie on her application which is why he wasn't fired. She mentioned in passing that she has threatened to sue the ___ out of them. Im guessing that she started lying about the Harvard Education after she was hired and no one checked.

[In a bad way]

Mine was and probably still is an admin person in a mental health unit.
She was always talking about patients and how they acted, she also used to tell me how she thought one of her daughters was a PD and a psychopath.
I'll leave the rest to your imagination.

[Stjarna]

Car salesman!  He was one of the best!  He used to brag about how he could mirror any customer and be someone that they immediately trusted.   

[Zen606]

He had none when I knew him as he was disabled from a stroke. In the past he claimed to be a surveyor, however as he presented himself in many ways as something he was not, the surveyor occupation is questionable.
Zen606

[MeandThee29]

Military. Retired now.

[jman2430]

Bereavement coordinator for a hospice with a masters in clinical social work... .go figure.  Read somewhere that those with BPD tend to work in the "helping" fields such as teachers, counselors, etc.  Early on in my recovery, I was so stuck on the fact that she actually studied BPD/NPD in graduate school.  Took me awhile to get over that.

[Maxpax2011]

When I met her she was a financial consultant at a bank. Worked there for 15 years. I always considered her very smart and hard working. The job didn't pay the greatest so I pushed her to better herself and not settle, I wrote her up a nice resume and helped her apply for a job at the local town hall as a tax accountant. She got the job naturally. Making more money and having better benefits. It really improved her and her daughter's life financially. Also improved her social status with the town. After the break up My reward for being so helpful was split black, triangulated, accused of stalking and harassed by her new boyfriend. She is still there, over two years now. They think she is the greatest. Little do they know at home she is a controlling monster with little empathy. She was always able to portray such a sweet caring side to the public. And only showing her ugly side to the people who truly cared about her. Now I do very little for people. I don't go out of my way for anyone anymore unless they are close family and friends. I started dating and I feel like I'm just going through the motions. I am good to this new girl, but have very little drive to do anything more than just the average stuff. I used to enjoy being such a good guy. I used to love being generous and giving. It was something I truly lived for. Now I have very little if any motivation to be generous or giving. Just passing through life and going with the flow. The end result of dealing with these BPD I guess.

[JMB]

Shes a special Education Teacher... .

[Alex2018]

Very successful Sales Rep!

[ConcernedMan92]

  my ex was in a govt politics internship, when she felt she was too good for me she left me, now she just works as a social worker XD

[BasementDweller]

Hmmmm... .lots of pwBPD in sales and public/customer service. I totally believe that many of them can perform very well at work, and be very likable in short interactions with people they do not have emotional attachment to. I also can see how they would do very well in helping roles, such as working in healthcare. They do get a sense of purpose and importance when they can help others, and often, because of their extreme sensitivity they can be very compassionate and loving to those in need. Again - people whom they are not deeply emotionally attached to.

In addition to my partner, my sister also has BPD, but hers is extremely severe, and she has been granted lifetime disability by the government due to being considered too severely mentally ill to work. It literally took one meeting with an agent, and a visual sweep of her medical records to determine that she was totally unfit. Getting any kind of disability benefits from the US government is like trying to get blood out of a turnip. But she got the full ride in one meeting. Yet still, she is extremely compassionate and caring about others (my mother and her husband are the target of all her meltdows) but she would give a stranger in need the shirt off her back. If she finds a sick or injured animal, she will nurse it back to health. (I can totally relate to that.) She is very tolerant of other people with mental illness, and has no problem talking to them in a way that actually helps them - yet she can barely function herself. Part of this is motivated by the positive feelings she gets from being recognized for her efforts, but part of it is also that she really does care.

[ConcernedMan92]

Maxpax2011, I feel you brother, mine was very horrible at socializing and couldn't stand the fact I had too many female friends, she isolated me from everyone when I was always making her better. She hated having friends and hated her family and I taught her to get closer to her family and make more friends and told her not to hate people for no reason, now she says im bitter and have no friends, she also drained my ambitious side and now accuses me of being ambitionless... This is what they always do, the constant blame game and it never stops.

[SummerStorm]

My BPD friend is a manager at a convenience store.  She gets lots of promotions, so I guess she must be good at it.  That being said, her traits still do come out.  She was dating a co-worker who was below her rank, and her step-dad, who is a manager at a large company, told her to break it off.  She wouldn't listen to him.  A few months later, upper management called her in and said she had to break up with him. 

She taught high school for a year.  That's where her traits really started to show.  She would just flip out on students for doing the most inane things.  I still teach at that school and had most of those students in class the previous year.  They're good kids.  A former student who graduated once asked how my friend was doing, since she'd had her as a teacher and knew we were friends.  I gave a vague "she's fine" reply.  The student then went on to say that she thought my friend was "crazy."  She would blatantly lie to everyone.  She told the principal that she was homeless (she definitely wasn't).  She would never reply back to parent emails.  She barely made it to work on time most days.  Her desk was always a disaster.  She long-term subbed for someone on maternity leave and thought nothing of eating the candy bars that the teacher had in her desk.  The principal called her in to tell her that some of her outfits didn't meet the dress code.  When she was idealizing me, she would text and email me constantly, and when I didn't reply, she would call my classroom phone.  She also came to work high multiple times. 

[Kaboodle]

Artist/sculptor

Musician / music teacher.

I think the arts draw in a lot of pwBPD. There they can play the role of "temperamental artist" and "tortured genius", and bask in the spotlight that they so desperately crave.

[Shedd]

I met my ex doing retail, but her passion was film and she got a job as a producer (briefly) during our relationship.  That didn't work out tho because of her BPD. She always in and out of the hospital etc.  

Now I think she works at a pet shelter, but I don't know anymore 'cause NC.

[40days_in_desert]

My ex hasn't had a job since May of 2001. She's living off of the child/spousal support and living with her mother. Before she became a SAHM (mutual decision at the time), she had 7 jobs in the previous 2.5 years (bank teller, temp agency and a job with one of my friends that I got for her). She was let go by all but two for too many late or missed days from work. One of the jobs was one of the temp agency positions where they didn't need her anymore and the other was the last job with my friend where she quit to become a SAHM in 2001. 2.5 years since we separated and still no job. 

[blooming]

He is studying to become a pharmacist

[prof]

Musician / music teacher.

Hey, mine too!

My uBPDw plays the flute.  She used to be the flute instructor at my college, but resigned a few months ago for health reasons.  She also taught the general education Intro to Music class a year ago.

This is actually how we met -- I'm a musician too.

[Kaboodle]

Hey, mine too!

My uBPDw plays the flute.  She used to be the flute instructor at my college, but resigned a few months ago for health reasons.  She also taught the general education Intro to Music class a year ago.

This is actually how we met -- I'm a musician too.

Mine played trumpet. The grating, blaring sound was a perfect match to his horrid personality.

[The Cat in d Hat]

T.A, with a masters, pursuing a PhD right now, and then wanted to get into law and further specialize in a certain field of law, pharmaceutical maybe don’t remember. Money was a huge drive for her, even suggested to me I should specialize in the most earning field so she can spend all my money .

[insideoutside]

An actor.  The perfect profession to put on a mask and interchange roles and characters.

[salvage]

Radio Journalist

[Shedd]

Money was a huge drive for her.

Wonder if this is the case for a lot of people suffering BPD. 

My ex was the same way. Always money driven. Before we met she had not had one day off for 3 months as she worked 2 jobs.  She worked two jobs pretty much the whole time we were together and worked like 60-80 hrs a week.

I think money gave her a sense of security.  Unfortunately, I have a low paying job I think that's one of the reasons she left.  Onto bigger and better I guess.

[The Cat in d Hat]

Shedd, for mine it was totally about money, sometime for selfish squandering (houses, luxury lifestyle, cars, the works), and sometimes for saving the world with it, because apparently she couldn't save herself (all her words time to time, flip flopping those too, sometimes shed say she has a problem and only she can save herself).

I reminded mine constantly that I'm not made of money when she would say she just wants a guy who will buy her a Porsche. When i jokingly told her that her future job could just be "trophy wife", she actually replied "thats so nice of you to say that, thank you", in an extremely serious tone . really felt she was entitled.

[Harley Quinn]

Very interesting thread Jeffree.

My ex was between jobs when we met and still between jobs when we parted as he was in treatment for his mental health and not considered fit for work.  He'd worked mostly in retail and been fired from all of his jobs for his behaviour.  He was excellent with people until triggered... .usually by colleagues whom he spent a lot of time with or managers as he had issues with authority.  Customers loved him because of his bubbly energy (ADHD comorbid) and charming nature.  I could see him doing well as a sales rep.

Love and light x

[toomanydogs]

Really interesting thread.

Money was a huge drive for her. Cat in d Hat, money was/is the motivator behind my STBX's actions--all his actions. It is such a huge motivator that over the years his "net worth" went from $10 million to $4 billion. This was not money he ever made because he never truly worked, and his net worth is neither of those figures. He makes things up.

He is/was a writer, which is how I met him. I was editing at that time; however, he can't sequence, so he has a lot of trouble writing. Because he does have a certain amount of money, he's always been able to hire others to write for him or heavily edit what he's done, so he can get credit.
TMD

[The Cat in d Hat]

I have no idea where her money came from. She’d buy 1000 dollar watches and bags of the same price too. Aparently all on a T.A. salary? May have been involved in something else who knows