You'd think I'd learn... .but I had a child in the middle of it.
I married my wife 13 years ago, we waited a while 'till we had our 1st child (some 6 years into the marriage, I wanted us to save up, know each other better (that turned out well).
She was always quiet, low on emotion, understated. I put it down as a quirk, nothing was malicious. You could see her so many times being quiet and almost hear the wheels and gears in her head clicking and whirring away with thoughts you just had to guess because she'd rarely -if ever- express them.
1st Child was born and she went heywire. My parents/friends put it down to hormones, but this one lasted and became 'weird'. She started walking out at the slightest of remarks, one time left me with the infant and got out at 4am... .just walking.
She was estranged from her parents, but got back in touch on my advice (not so smart but I was truly running out of options as she was falling apart).
Next thing you know, they take her side and I -the guy who only goes to work and comes back- was the bad guy, hurting their little princess that they had kicked out and abandoned when she was married (with their consent initially).
So they advise us all to go to a therapist they knew, I say sure why not we tried everything else. That's when I hear the BPD term. Therapist says she has it and needs help. They all go into denial mode, she accuses me of flirting with the therapist (I wasn't aware I was that good ).
She finally goes to live with them, and takes my boy who was 2. I plead with her not to go legal and that instead of wasting it on lawyers we can use it for our son, she refuses, starts hitting me with solicitor letters. I decide I won't be pushed around so I divorce her.
She goes for half of everything, I say meh. She lives by herself with my boy in a deplorable neighborhood. I miss my boy and come to an empty home just me and the cat, cry a little, have dinner, go to bed.
Visitations are fun, I show up one time ring the bell and she's not there, I get a message saying "Oh didn't I tell you? I'm sorry I had a friend's wedding to go to"
Then it gets... . weirder. In my bed I'm woken by the doorbell. It's our not so friendly police asking if they could come in. I'm rubbing my eyes wondering what the... . so I say sure... .big mistake. That gives them the right to turn my place upside down, confiscate my PC and hardware.
Turns out my wonderful ex has told them I'm basically holding pedophile images on my PC... . sweet! so the morning I'm supposed to be in the office I'm in a cell for 4 hours before being discharged and told I'm under a 6 week investigation.
Within hours I get a call from my solicitors to say she's been on the phone to them to say I cannot see my son while this is ongoing (her calling within hours of my arrest tells you how much she planned this). My solicitors say she has no legal remit to do this I say it's fine, let her... .
Surprise, surprise I'm cleared of any wrong doing, the detective in charge apologizes and they return my hardware basically mashed up and broken.
6 months later I get a rose through my letterbox on Valentine's Day. Why it's my sweetheart ex ... .'aint love grand
?
I choose to ignore this, keep communication to a minimum ... .and then a couple of months later I get a call from her family (we never spoke since the divorce). They say come pick your son up. I ask why, they don't give a reason.
I go pick him up and later that day social services gives me a call to tell me that she's had a psychotic meltdown and is held in a ward.
3 weeks later with me having the time of my life with my boy, she comes and takes him back. I'm hurt beyond words as I loved every minute I had with him and didn't want it to end.
Then next year or so she proceeds to do things she has never done: take medication, be self aware, apologize, and be humble.
All the while I'm desperate to be with my boy.
We float the idea of getting back. She starts gaining weight because of the meds, I don't mind, her head's screwed on right and that is all that matters. So I say sure, we re-marry, go back and I can't believe my life is coming round again, all the hurt, all the wrong things were rectifying themselves, my boy is back.
We stay like this for 2 years... .and then one day she tells me she's missed her time of the month... . I take a gulp. She does the test and yep, we're expecting.
Knowing what the 1st pregnancy did to her I plead with her to think things through, she assures me she'll be fine. I'm mortified if the anti-psychotic meds might harm the child inside her, doctors say it's ok, she decides to go through with it (I start mentally packing her bags for her).
2nd boy is born, and right on time, same as the 1st one at about 13 months in (when they begin to form their own personalities and no more breast feeding or depending on her) she starts talking total nonsense again. Wants to get a retail job, wants me to quit my office work and to raise the children on welfare.
I figure knowing what we have been through there is no way on earth she'll do the same thing again... . can you guess what happens next? yep, she walked out and goes to her parents.
This time though, she left the kids with me.
That's great, but I have a job who's going to look after them? she says to give them to social services... . responsible mommy right there
I divorce her again.
I'm living with my kids, my folks are looking after the boys while I'm at work then I come home and pick up.
She comes and sees them a few hours during the weekend. What happens next who knows?
I'm sorry, I had no question to ask nor point to make... . I just wanted to put my story 'out there' to see if it makes any more sense in print form than in real life
