Looking for some input

[bluek9]

Hi everyone,

    Bluek9 here. I'm looking for some input on the subject of physical health and BPD. I just read another thread by Babs65 asking a similar question.
    My BPDD and I have been in a calm period for just short of 90 days now. Which by all accounts is great. After all the reading and learning I've done, I'm still at a loss for the physical aches, pains and sickness. My daughter is also on the Autism spectrum so I get the super sensitive stuff. But oh my goodness the constant complaining of every little thing. It can't just be a scratch or a bruise, it's an all out major thing that requires my attention. Sometimes she calls me at work and acts like she dying, "I'm so sick I need you to come home". It's always I'm sick, I've got a cold, the flu, the crud, I can't get out of bed. Most of the time because she can't regulate her emotions, when she gets stressed or upset about anything she starts throwing up for hours.
    Yesterday she was panicked and upset, crying because something posted late to her bank account. I could see it coming, melt down was on the horizon. I did my best and started with S.E.T. she was receptive and listened, but could not keep from letting it go to a major disaster. To her there was no fixing the situation. In reality it was a very simple fix. Of course I couldn't just blurt that out, there was no way she was going to view it any differently. In a matter of minutes she was sick, stomach ache, throwing up.
     So I ponder this question: Do BPD's internalize their outside influences to the degree of physical suffering because they truly can't see it any other way? I know and I do understand the extremes of their thinking, all or nothing at all, the black or white. But oh my gosh what kind of suffering they must be going through if this can manifest in physical illness. We have a doctor for everything, right now a count of 5.
     I'm just looking again as I said for some input, is anybody else experiencing this? 

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Merlot]

HI bluek9

I can relate to the issue of total dysregulation, however my DD27 always seems to out of control in her rage to notice any physical symptoms that she can identify i the moment.  However, given the level of dysregulation over the past 12 months in response to her ongoing drama with my GD1's father, she was often coming down with the flu.  I'm sure the emotional overload will have an impact.

It is awful that it has to manifest itself in needing you to fix it.  It sounds like you are doing everything you can to stick to your boundaries.   

Hope this helps 

[Hyacinth Bucket]

My daughter has always had an exceptionally low pain and discomfort tolerance level. I personally think it's related to their inability to self comfort. Small things that most people would acknowledge and then ignore or move on from stick with them. I think daily existence for them can be so painful that they focus on everything that is bad. I've also found, at least for my daughter, that she does not take good care of herself and so is far more prone to getting sick. She eats poorly, sleeps at weird hours, smokes cigarettes...  

[bluek9]

Thanks guys,

           Hyacinth bucket thanks for the reminder about self comforting. Don't know how it's possible in the million things to remember daily, that I could forget that component. When I first started to learn and take in all the aspects of BPD, that one of self comfort is the one that struck me most. It was light a light going off in my head "oh yea no wonder she needs constant care like a child".
         It's no wonder sometimes I think my head is going to explode from all the info I stuff in there, and all the stuff I need to remember. My daughter doesn't eat all day, she waits until I get home from work to make dinner. She suffers terribly from sleep disturbed patterns (hence the weird hours), smokes ciggs and pot.
        If I could wish just one thing for my child, it would be that somehow she could learn to self comfort. Well, until then I'll keep posting and finding my support here with other parents who know how I feel.

[Hyacinth Bucket]

My daughter doesn't eat all day, she waits until I get home from work to make dinner. She suffers terribly from sleep disturbed patterns (hence the weird hours), smokes ciggs and pot.
 

Our daughters sound so similar. My daughter's sleep patterns are beyond messed up. And if there isn't something fast for her to make she will just let herself starve until she's so weak she claims she physically cannot make food. That was one of the reasons it was worse for her to live with us. If there was the slightest chance someone would do something for her (and it is very hard to say no to boiling ramen for your kid who is crying from hunger), she will not do it for herself. It's so tragic. I too wish my daughter could learn to self comfort.

There is so much to remember it's overwhelming sometimes, especially when you are living with your daughter and you are.  Don't be hard on yourself, you are doing such an amazing job!   

[bluek9]

Hi Hyacinth,

           We just went to yet another appointment yesterday. I can't begrudge it because it's for her to meet with a stop smoking specialist. I really gotta support that. Any way I was so pleasantly surprised when this lady asked me to talk her BPD and the Asburgers. She then set out to instruct my daughter on self comfort, asking her if she knew what it is, does she know how to do it for herself. Of course my daughter said no. This lady was so kind, she explained it in simple terms, and gave several examples. I could see this little spark in my daughters eyes. So this lady said the homework is "when you want to smoke, do something to self comfort for one minute before you go light up".
         I'm finding myself having more hope that she can finally quit. With the great benefit of her learning a skill she really needs to help herself.

[Hyacinth Bucket]

That is so great, Bluek9! Let me know how she does with it

[Merlot]

Our daughters sound so similar. My daughter's sleep patterns are beyond messed up. And if there isn't something fast for her to make she will just let herself starve until she's so weak she claims she physically cannot make food. T

Hi bluek9

Now that I am reading these issues you and hyacinthbucket raise, I can totally relate.  Mr DD27 has had terrible problems with sleep, eating and smoking cigarettes.  I'm sure that much of this can also be attributed to being a single mother raising a baby but she has had problems with sleep most of her life.  My husband and I were looking after her all weekend, most of this centered around making meals for her.  It seemed if we didn't feed her, she wouldn't eat.  She lost almost 25 kilos following the birth of the baby while we were away during the work week.  We were getting quite worried about her weight.  I can now appreciate that we didn't help her help herself... .rescuers/fixers is what we were. 

She then set out to instruct my daughter on self comfort, asking her if she knew what it is, does she know how to do it for herself. Of course my daughter said no. This lady was so kind, she explained it in simple terms, and gave several examples. I could see this little spark in my daughters eyes. So this lady said the homework is "when you want to smoke, do something to self comfort for one minute before you go light up".
       

Wow    That's fantastic, I'm so pleased for you both, this is a small but "huge" step for your daughter.  I'm so glad for you that you can speak to your daughter about the diagnosis. 

Take care
Merlot