Accusations were placed on my husband

[KnowItsReal]

I struggle with the ups and downs that are constant.  He is high functioning BP.  I've fought the diagnosis for a few years, but after 7 years of living with it,  I know it is real.  Makes me question my own thoughts and whether I am crazy or not.  The most difficult part is to watch my children having to live with it and deal with it.  Recently, an anonymous tip was sent in where accusations were placed on my husband.  There were some truths but overall it was absurd.  I don't know who to trust. Everything has been cleared but it was a big deal to our family.  My kids were involved and now my husband is back home and the highs and lows continue.

I know we (my 2 children and myself) are all emotionally and verbally being abused on a regular basis.  I have been counseled to use my tools and stay as long as possible due to my youngest child and the difficulties that can happen if he gets custody of her on weekends by himself.  I don't want to be teaching my children to put up with this either.  I know I don't need to reinvent the wheel.  I know others have gone before me.  How do you do it?  What has been the most helpful for you?  

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[RolandOfEld]

Hi KnowitsReal and welcome!   It sounds like its been an incredibly difficult situation for you, especially with two children who have had to witness all of it. I can deeply relate having two young children myself who are exposed to chaos from my uBPDw (undiagnosed wife) on an almost daily basis.

I also know its very hard to come to terms with the truth of our partner having a mental illness since it makes us question much of ourselves. I am doing the same right now.  The fact that you are here and trying to do something about the situation shows you are not crazy!

I'm doing my best to be the stable one for my kids and present a model of maturity, but I still break down now and again in front of them.

How old are your children and what form does the abuse take? Do you have any family / friends who are aware of the situation and could possibly take on the kids once in a while to take them away from your husband for a while?

~ROE

[Tattered Heart]

Hi KNowItsReal,

I'm so sorry that you've had so many difficulties in your relationship. I can imagine it was scary to have accusations made against him. What kind of accusations were they? Am I correct in that during the investigation your H was removed from the home?

[pearlsw]

Hi KnowItsReal,

Just to jump right in here... .If he is molesting your child that is another issue aside from BPD. My apologies if I am misreading this, or reading too much into things... .Do you really think he'd get unsupervised visits if you were to separate and bring this issue up in the process? Who is advising you to stay with him? Does he have a background with such issues?

my heart goes out to you dear, pearl.