dealing with the healing process

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

 

I have found myself thinking that I was going backward in my healing process lately. I have been been divorced for 6 months now and for the first three months I had done been excited about my progress.  Our divorce was a high conflict one, and I am glad it is over and was hoping things would start to settle down.  About 2 months ago I started having dreams almost every night of the control and sometimes physical abuse I had experienced in our marriage (sometimes it was real, and sometimes it was way out there).  Anyhow I tried to push it back and hide from the pain, although I started to hate going to sleep.  I have also found myself withdrawing from other relationships (friends and family), and drinking tons of energy drinks to get though my day (justifying it by saying I need to be productive).  I took a couple of depression tests and they said they I have severe depression,  my first response was, ya right. But that was also my first response when I had a councilor tell me that my marriage was a lot worse than I thought it was.  So my question is, do you think that going through a self help book like "feeling good" is a good course of action or do you think that I should reach out to another counselor (my last counselor moved to another job and stopped her private practice). 

[history]

 

I have found myself thinking that I was going backward in my healing process lately. I have been been divorced for 6 months now and for the first three months I had done been excited about my progress.  Our divorce was a high conflict one, and I am glad it is over and was hoping things would start to settle down.  About 2 months ago I started having dreams almost every night of the control and sometimes physical abuse I had experienced in our marriage (sometimes it was real, and sometimes it was way out there).  Anyhow I tried to push it back and hide from the pain, although I started to hate going to sleep.  I have also found myself withdrawing from other relationships (friends and family), and drinking tons of energy drinks to get though my day (justifying it by saying I need to be productive).  I took a couple of depression tests and they said they I have severe depression,  my first response was, ya right. But that was also my first response when I had a councilor tell me that my marriage was a lot worse than I thought it was.  So my question is, do you think that going through a self help book like "feeling good" is a good course of action or do you think that I should reach out to another counselor (my last counselor moved to another job and stopped her private practice). 

[JNChell]

Hi there, history.

I’m very sorry to hear about your divorce and the fact that you endured abuse from your ex. Let me assure you that you’re in a safe and supportive place to express what you’re feeling. I too have felt like I was going in reverse at times during my detachment process. What I’ve learned is that the grieving process happens in stages, and the stages don’t always happen in a linear sequence. We can feel like we’re moving forward and then find ourselves back in denial or bargaining stages. Look up the 5 Stages of Grieving.

Something that really stood out to me in your post is how you described stuffing those negative feelings deep down inside as to not have to feel them. I’ve been there, and I’ll be honest, it didn’t serve me well at all. Some fine folks here at bpdfamily have helped with that. They’re helping me learn how to ”sit with my feelings”. That might be a good thread topic that other newer members could benefit from as well. What do you think?

Good books are priceless and I have a copy of the one you mentioned. I haven’t read it yet, but I will. As far as seeking out a good counselor, I say go for it. Again, in situations like these, priceless. We’re glad you’re here, history! How else can we help?

[history]

I really appreciate your insight and for taking your time to connect.  I think I will go ahead and find a councilor to help me work through this process.  I honestly do not like sharing my story with people though because I feel guilty, like I am talking bad about a person who is simply hurting inside, and acts out. 
Thank you also for pointing out that hiding from feelings does not serve a person well in the long run. 

If you have any other thoughts please feel free to share, or if I misinterpreted what you said, please let me know. 

If any other readers have had similar struggles I would like to hear form you as well. 

[history]

one more thing I do think that "sitting with your feeling" would be a good tread topic.

[space261083]

I have found myself thinking that I was going backward in my healing process lately. I have been been divorced for 6 months now and for the first three months I had done been excited about my progress.  Our divorce was a high conflict one, and I am glad it is over and was hoping things would start to settle down.  About 2 months ago I started having dreams almost every night of the control and sometimes physical abuse I had experienced in our marriage (sometimes it was real, and sometimes it was way out there).  Anyhow I tried to push it back and hide from the pain, although I started to hate going to sleep.  I have also found myself withdrawing from other relationships (friends and family), and drinking tons of energy drinks to get though my day (justifying it by saying I need to be productive).  I took a couple of depression tests and they said they I have severe depression,  my first response was, ya right. But that was also my first response when I had a councilor tell me that my marriage was a lot worse than I thought it was.  So my question is, do you think that going through a self help book like "feeling good" is a good course of action or do you think that I should reach out to another counselor (my last counselor moved to another job and stopped her private practice). 

I personally think gaining knowledge from any source or talking things through with people is the way to go.
I am 6 months out and things are very bad between me and my ex and we have not even gone down the divorce route yet

[history]

I appreciate your thoughts.   I do not know your journey, but I wish the best for you in your healing process.

[space261083]

I appreciate your thoughts.   I do not know your journey, but I wish the best for you in your healing process.

Thank you, I wish the best for you also.
My story is like many others I guess, loving someone who hurts those around them.
When I go backwards in my healing I say to myself it will be over soon because I know it will. Ups and downs are normal. My doctor too told me I was severely depressed. It doesn't change anything imo. A process is a process and the depression is a by product of that process. It is something that simply must take place in order for us to learn, understand and grow.
Try not to worry about going backwards because at some point you will continue your journey.