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Author Topic: Mother Now In Skilled Care Facility Permanently (Continued)  (Read 2694 times)
Turkish
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« on: March 22, 2018, 11:57:46 PM »

Nursing home just called.  My mom was sent to the hospital with an infection due to an elevated WBC. I normally get my kids tomorrow for the weekend.  A guy at work is out due  to his MIL at 92 having pneumonia.  I've been picking up his work.  I'm going on at 7 tomorrow.  I'll call back then.  Going to sleep soon.  110 miles away. I should be there. I've taken so much time of work this month due to D5 and me having the flu then strep throat. Then S8 had a minor infection on his privates. Another day off to take him to the doctor. We are always under threats of layoffs.  Kids? Work? Mom?  








Mod note: This thread was split from Mother Now In Skilled Care Facility Permanently
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« Reply #1 on: March 23, 2018, 02:51:51 AM »

Oh that's tough, Turkish, I'm sorry to hear that your mom is in the hospital.

You are only one man and sound stretched very thin. Maybe it's best to take it one step at a time. Once you call and assess the situation, you can think over your options.

I understand your feeling that you should be there. It's how I felt about my dad when he was declining rapidly, and I was a continent away. Your mom is in a safe place and receiving care. I hope that is at least some comfort.

Keep us posted.

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« Reply #2 on: March 23, 2018, 10:59:58 AM »

She's in ICU but doing ok.  They won't tell me more due to privacy laws and I can't prove who I am over the phone.  I'll call back later as she can give verbal consent when she wakes up from sleep. 
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« Reply #3 on: March 23, 2018, 03:49:36 PM »

So sorry Turkish.  Not sure what else to say except to ditto what heartandwhole already said.  Don't forget to breathe.
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« Reply #4 on: March 23, 2018, 04:02:49 PM »

The nursing home called too and talked about money again and charges for a bed hold. 
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« Reply #5 on: March 23, 2018, 04:32:10 PM »

You are not responsible for paying Turkish.  Sign nothing.  Commit to nothing.  

Has your moms application for medi-Cal been processed yet?  I would refer all inquiries to whoever handled that (I think it was the SW).

   

Have you tried posting on the legal boards here?  There are some great and reasonable minds over there!

 

Edit:  "bed hold"?  Say nothing.  She is in the hospital for now and is safe and being cared for.  Can't find info as of yet.  Bulldinky!

Read this (edit 2):
www.ltcombudsman.org/uploads/files/library/state-bedhold-chart-oct2012.pdf
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« Reply #6 on: March 23, 2018, 05:24:35 PM »

Hey Turkish,

Isn't it ironic how we each go from recovery in one area to another, then another? Just when one starts to get a little comfortable in saying we know how to do this, then something like this challenge comes along. Hold on tight, keep reaching out and forget that waif stuff that wolves like to do and hide in their dens. We're good at listening and our advice is free!  Smiling (click to insert in post)

Prayers for your mom.

 
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« Reply #7 on: March 23, 2018, 08:34:06 PM »

The nursing home called too and talked about money again and charges for a bed hold.  
Turkish:
I believe your mom was to be signed up for Medi-Cal.  The following link and excerpted info. might be helpful regarding bed holds.  The link at the start of the quote leads to additional links.  The additional links lead to government websites where you could probably check to see if the info quoted is current or whether is is superseded by a updated doc.

The National Long-Term Care Ombudsman Resource Center

MEDICAID BED HOLD POLICIES BY STATE
CALIFORNIA
Hospital Transfer
Medicaid residents may NOT be charged for reservation of a bed for the first seven days. Medi-Cal Provider Manual Part 2- Long Term

Therapeutic Leave
Eighteen days per calendar year for non-developmentally disabled recipients. Up to 12 additional days of leave per year may be approved in increments of no more than two consecutive days when the following conditions are met: the request for additional days of leave shall be in accordance with the individual recipient care plan and appropriate to the physical and mental well-being of the patient. At least five days of LTC inpatient care must be provided between each approved LOA.

AMOUNT PAID BY
MEDICAID
The rate reduction for bed hold or leave of absence for acute hospitalization is
$6.28 per diem for dates of service on and after August 1, 2011.


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« Reply #8 on: March 26, 2018, 12:17:03 AM »

A lung doctor called me today.  He shared everything.  

My mom is stable,  but mostly sleeping and hardly. Her WBC has come down.  X-ray showed something on her lung. I told him she was a life long smoker, but when admitted to the nursing home,  I put non smoker since my mom seemed to have forgotten.  I told him about the reduced mental state and also the black mold conditions in her home.  He said he'd read her chart and saw COPD, and wondered why she wasn't on blood thinners,  then he discussed the risks.  He said he saw "dementia" on her chart, and I filled him in about her BPD and in my opinion it was hard to determine. I said she was in a hoarding situation and that when she war living with me two years ago she made criminal accusations against me,  but that I saw her a month a ago and she had forgotten.  He seemed sympathetic, unlike the doctors that my mom as an RN used to complain about.  

He said they weren't sure that this episode wasn't triggered by food going down the path to her lungs.  The thing they saw on her lung indicated fluid. He was going to insert a needle to draw fluid for a test. He apprised me of the risks,  which were minimal,  but there.  

They only have her on IV. It's too risky to insert a feeding tube.  Two days no real food now.  He discussed hospice, I think because it is possibly an option soon if they can't feed her.  We discussed the DNR. He shared the story of his father in a similar situation,  though his father was mentally sound. I appreciated it.  So this is where it is.  

I get the kids Wednesday and Thursday and Friday during the day. Friday I need to watch them,  no coverage.  My numbers at work this month are terrible due to flu and strep between me and my daughter,  but I'll take off if I have to. 
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« Reply #9 on: March 26, 2018, 12:35:52 AM »


They only have her on IV. It's too risky to insert a feeding tube.  Two days no real food now.  He discussed hospice, I think because it is possibly an option soon if they can't feed her.  We discussed the DNR. He shared the story of his father in a similar situation,  though his father was mentally sound. I appreciated it.  So this is where it is.  


Turkish, thanks for updating. That doctor sounds like a good guy and competent.

The situation with your mom sounds very similar to what happened with my dad. There were some back and forth between the nursing home and the hospital due to infections.

How does your mom react when she sees you?

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« Reply #10 on: March 26, 2018, 12:43:49 AM »

She was OK when I saw her a month ago.  The last week she was with us two years ago,  she was in my face waving her calendar and threatening me with getting a lawyer.  That's forgotten. On both sides.  "Sometimes the strong are chosen to protect the weak," as my T told me two years ago,  talking about both my mom and maybe my ex. 
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« Reply #11 on: March 27, 2018, 11:00:55 PM »

My mom was discharged from ICU yesterday.  They are making arrangements to transfer her back to the nursing home.  The nurse commented that she was confused. When I saw her last month she was,  but I expected worse based upon all their descriptions.  Maybe I'm used to it?

I'm going to do a day trip Easter Sunday to visit her, hopefully back at the home.  There and back again.  I don't want to drive over 200 miles round trip,  but it's the right thing to do. 
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« Reply #12 on: March 28, 2018, 01:50:32 AM »

I'm going to do a day trip Easter Sunday to visit her, hopefully back at the home.  There and back again.  I don't want to drive over 200 miles round trip,  but it's the right thing to do. 

I hear you, Turkish. I suspect, and hope, you'll be glad you did, even though this is very difficult.
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« Reply #13 on: March 28, 2018, 08:39:11 AM »

Hi wolfish  (this is a very discrete parrot hug by the way  )

Just want to say I'm glad your mom has been discharged from ICU.

I hope your trip to see her Sunday goes well and I commend you for continually doing what you believe is the right thing to do Doing the right thing (click to insert in post)

The Board Parrot has got your back!
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« Reply #14 on: March 30, 2018, 11:52:14 PM »

I dropped my ex and the kids at the airport tonight for their Disney world trip.  My car has a suspension issue (I just had them replace something last week and it's still thunking... .they shall observed no cotter pin on... , something I forget, that would have been bad). I'm taking it back in the morning,  but they are booked.  I hope they have a loaner.  I had planned on working a half day tomorrow too. I decided to go up next weekend since I'll have the kids.  A day trip will be long with the kids,  but it will be good for them and my mom.  We pray for her. 

They called me tonight and she's back at the nursing home.  They told me that I have to resign medical stuff again. The hospital called me earlier and they said verbal approval for billing vis-a-vis medicare needed my "signature," so they could bill the government.

We were on the freeway.  My ex heard 2/3 calls.  I'll give her credit for asking me about how I felt about my mom.  Being me,  I responded factually. I guess this was one thing that used to drive her crazy about me. 

D5 started crying and saying how much she'd miss me as I pulled into the departures curb.  Poor girl.  I picked her up, kissed and hugged her tight.  They'll have fun. 
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« Reply #15 on: March 31, 2018, 08:33:10 AM »

You are a good dad and son, Turkish. I know it's hard for you to absorb that, but in your factual way, perhaps you can look afford that way.  Smiling (click to insert in post) Hugs for you.   You'll miss them too.

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« Reply #16 on: March 31, 2018, 11:45:56 PM »

They called me tonight to tell me she fell during dinner.  She wasn't on a walker but the pneumonia must have made her weaker. She hit her head but they are keeping an eye on it.  I told them we'd be up next weekend to visit. 
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« Reply #17 on: April 01, 2018, 07:46:47 AM »

Sorry to hear that about your mom. It's always a bit scary when old (or young) people fall, cause you never know how they are going to land. A lot has been going on with your mother lately, I hope her head will be ok

So how's the leader of the wolf pack doing now that the little wolves are on the Disney trip with ma Wolf?
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« Reply #18 on: April 01, 2018, 11:24:39 AM »

Hi Turkish.  I am sorry to hear about your mom but when I think about it, between the infection and now this fall plus all her confusion, I thank God she is in a nursing home where she has people to care for her and help her. 
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« Reply #19 on: April 01, 2018, 09:46:38 PM »

So how's the leader of the wolf pack doing now that the little wolves are on the Disney trip with ma Wolf?

I prefer to think of her as Ma Bear. Different species  Smiling (click to insert in post)

Took the car into the shop yesterday. Needs suspension stuff. Special order. Taking it back Wednesday to replace so I'll be golden for the drive.  

Went to church then work.  No word from the kids.  I could call but I'll let them enjoy their vacation.  :)id yard work.  Piles of laundry need to be folded,  but why do today what you can put off until tomorrow? 5 more nights alone... .feels weird.

Yeah Harri. Better than her Hoard House with animal waste and black mold,  collapsing.  Good luck to the new owners!
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« Reply #20 on: April 03, 2018, 07:40:30 PM »

I too, am glad that your mom is safe. It can help you to relax a bit while you think about folding all that laundry.

 Smiling (click to insert in post)
Wools
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« Reply #21 on: April 06, 2018, 07:12:32 AM »

I prefer to think of her as Ma Bear. Different species  Smiling (click to insert in post)

I see... .yeah that can complicate things Smiling (click to insert in post)

Sometimes it does work out though:
Friendship Between Wolf And Bear Documented By Finnish Photographer
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« Reply #22 on: April 06, 2018, 08:47:25 AM »

Lol!

I saw a tv show with something similar between a polar bear and an arctic wolf.
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« Reply #23 on: April 18, 2018, 11:11:51 PM »

The trip the week before last was aborted due to D5 throwing up and having a fever her mom told me the morning I was picking them up. I won't be able to bring them until the weekend after next. 

The facility called me twice on the past week.  My mom fell and hit her head.  She is ok,  but it's still concerning. I'm unsure about investigating if I can transfEr her to where I am rather than over 2 hours away. Even on Medicare or medicaid, it's likely a thousand dollars more expensive per month in the bay area. 
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« Reply #24 on: April 19, 2018, 12:15:50 AM »

She fell again?  Now is the time to request a balance assessment.  Sometimes meds can help but often physical therapy can be a huge help as well.  The PT can also do a fall risk assessment.  Do not let them shrug it off as her "being old" and it is often something that is highly treatable. 

Moving her closer to you is certainly worth looking into.  If the facility is on assignment with Medicare and Medicaid there should not be a problem.  Wait... .has she qualified for medi cal yet?  she may need to spend all her savings first but after that check the federal poverty level (FPL) guidelines.  Medicare eligibility is 138% of FPL https://www.peoplekeep.com/blog/2017-federal-poverty-level-guidelines

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« Reply #25 on: April 19, 2018, 02:06:10 AM »

Excerpt
Medicare eligibility is 138% of FPL

That should say MEDICAID not medicare.

Ooops.
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« Reply #26 on: April 19, 2018, 10:29:20 AM »

Hello Turkish, I'm sorry to hear about your Mom. Prayers for you on how you are juggling everything. I hope things will stabilized soon.                                                                                        I myself have a BPDMom and she has had health problems at 73 years old. She's mentally there so she is very tough to deal with even when she is having health problems (a few life threatening). God bless you for being there for your Mom even if it's hard.
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« Reply #27 on: April 20, 2018, 11:36:43 PM »

My mom's SSI puts her just over the federal poverty threshold.  Thanks for the link Harri. I think she still will qualify for Medi-Cal  (our version of Medicaid).

Someone from the facility emailed me this afternoon.  She sent me an invoice for ~$10k. She said that they couldn't get her debit card to work.  Declined.

I told her that I had no legal authority over my mom's finances, then tossed it into her court,  and asked what they did in situations like this. Depending upon her reply, I might call my mom's old APS social worker in the original county for advice.  Even if a small town,  I don't think that visiting the bank in person will be fruitful at this point. 
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« Reply #28 on: April 21, 2018, 12:05:52 AM »

You are welcome!

Good job putting the ball back in their court.  I think talking with the original SW is a good idea.  Leave it to them to sort out payment issues including talking with the bank.  You have nothing to do with that so yes, leave it to them.

I would pursue getting her on Medi-cal if that process has not begun yet.  Do you know the status? 
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« Reply #29 on: April 21, 2018, 12:19:41 AM »

They were helping her apply, but if the state audits her funds, it will be rejected, hence burning down her account, then applying. Maybe I should suggest sending a debt collector after her account? Just kidding, but it's a thought.  I totally get that they need to be paid,  but they should tell me what to do,  yes?
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