Adult daughter not grateful; reactionary; challenging to be around

[Parents! Get help here!]

Hi! I've just started reading Stop Walking on Eggshells. My life is so easy and satisfying until my daughter calls and or comes to visit!  I feel like there's a dark cloud overhead and no matter what I do she doesn't demonstrate a moment of gratitude or kindness.  She's quick to react.  She controls and dominates conversations!  I just want to be able to better understand her and not have negative feelings.  Additionally I want to quit doing things the same way and expecting a different outcome .

[Enyaj]

Hi! I've just started reading Stop Walking on Eggshells. My life is so easy and satisfying until my daughter calls and or comes to visit!  I feel like there's a dark cloud overhead and no matter what I do she doesn't demonstrate a moment of gratitude or kindness.  She's quick to react.  She controls and dominates conversations!  I just want to be able to better understand her and not have negative feelings.  Additionally I want to quit doing things the same way and expecting a different outcome .

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Feeling Better]

Hello Enyaj

I’d like to welcome you to the bpdfamily board.

Sounds like you are already on the way to learning as much as you can if you have started reading SWOE. I’ve not read that one myself yet, I have read Loving Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder by Shari Manning though.

Additionally I want to quit doing things the same way and expecting a different outcome .

That’s great to hear. Look to the right, under THE LESSONS 
Lesson 2. If your current approach is not working - change it.

Hope that you find it useful x

[Ednamae]

Hello! My daughter (21) still lives at home with me (just her and I). She was just recently (finally) diagnosed with BPD. This is all new to me also... .I got the book SWOE myself, and "I Hate you; Don't Leave Me".
I wish I had advice for you! But just want you to know you're not alone!

[Merlot]

Hi Enyaj

I just want to be able to better understand her and not have negative feelings.  Additionally I want to quit doing things the same way and expecting a different outcome .

I'm so glad that you care about your daughter enough that you want to find that way forward ... .we all do and it is such a journey as it will require ongoing management and dedication that mothers seem to carry in abundance.

We can't change them, we can only change the way we relate.  I am starting to make changes in the way I communicate and set boundaries and it is really helping me establish a new way forward.  One that my DD27 is not responding to well but I am being patient to give her time to adjust and consider her next steps.

Take care
Merlot