How long will I be able to keep on like this?

[LovingDad]

Hi,

I know my wife has BPD. My mother in law seems to have it too. They both live in our house and since aboout six months I live with a friend. Since 1 month I figured out what my wife and mother in law has.

My wife comes from Paramaribo and my mother in law lives there normally. I have indications that my mother in law will go back home within a couple of days. I trully hope so.

My mother in law is a fanatic religious person with probably a sectarian believe. She is a 'davadian'. My wife and I are seventh day adventist, which is a normal religion in Holland where we live.

I'm trying out my new bevahoir I learned by reading about BPD and which my therapist gives me. I see changes with my wife, because things get worse. Which was to expected.

Yesterday I was there to eat with them and bring my son to bed and they didn't give me any food. But they did eat. Later, when I overheard a conversation, them seem to feel bad about what they did.

So everything seems to go as expected, but still I feel very confused.

Am I doing the right things? Am I on the right path?
Must I stay in this relationship or go?
How do I prefent a horrible divorce?

No matter how hard I try the future is a blur for me. That makes me scared. I hate this feeling of not knowing what and how to do it.

How long will I be able to keep on like this?

At so many moments I feel so lost! It feels like I'm only trying to keep myself standing. I'm so tired.

When I'm not with my wife and son my lives seems to be about how to act and feel when I'm going there for the next time. It doesn't feel like living anymore. How can I get this to end? Again I feel lost.

I pray for better times.

LovingDad

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[isilme]

 

Loving Dad,

What new behaviors are you trying?  How is she reacting?  If you can be more specific we might be able to offer you more pointed guidance on our own experiences and how using tools and the lessons have worked (or not worked) for any or all of us.

Why are you with a friend instead in your home?  Will you move back after your mother in law leaves?

Did you ask to eat?  Did you go serve yourself?  Were they just being passive aggressive rude?  I am not certain about any cultural differences that may be tied to Holland versus the United States, but to me, that whole situation just sounds very off.  But as an American, I may be quite brash by other country's standards.

I hope things improve for you and that you will let us know some more.

 

[Catlady3.14]

Loving dad,
I'm sorry you feel so lost. I know you've come to the right place for support.
Maybe you could do something to take your mind off the situation with your wife.
Take a walk or run. Go swimming anything that requires you to put your mind to other use.
I know that is hard, but making myself get out of the house and putting my books about BPD away and turning my mind to anything else has helped me.

How old is your son? What do you enjoy doing with him? Can you take him on an outing, like to a park?