Help me with my BPD Partner

[Els]

Hi I am currently reading stop walking on eggshells after my partner was diagnosed with BPD. He already has a diagnosis of PTSD (2009).  The BPD has been awful over the last 16 months and something I have never experienced with him before. We only got a diagnosis in March 18. We have been together 12 years and have twin girls together.
He is open and accepted treatment and has his 3rd group session tomorrow.

I am looking for coping techniques when he starts with his behavior.  
The NHS have offered no support for me and I wondering if I could cope with situations and outbursts in a better way as currently I feel however I offer to help, it will be wrong.  He has bad mouthed me to his family and they don't speak with me, but know little of his conditions and not really interested. I have friends who I can talk to and support from a veterans charity.  I work full time, which I am finding difficult at present.

We have a really strong and close relationship, however the outbursts, lies and behavior has been difficult.
We always talked about everything and were open and honest.  He has shared things in his life that he said he had never shared before.  I have be in the forefront of getting him help with his PTSD and we have had some real stable periods.
From being the so close and each others rock to the permanent problem I am finding difficult and feel the medical staff do not believe me.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[pearlsw]

Hi Els,

I can certainly relate to this and I'm sure many others here can to!

From what I’ve read, it is often the case that the intimate partner sees and recognizes that something is “off’ while others do not, or if they do they are not particularly understanding. Fortunately you have found us here because we are a very understanding bunch!

How many and which of the traits of BPD do you recognize in your partner? (I think there about 9).

There are tools here on the site that can certainly give you some insight and help you have a chance to improve communication! Have you heard about not JADE-ing.?

Hopefully others will come by and introduce themselves and offer some support!

with compassion, pearl.

[RolandOfEld]

Hi Els and let me join pearlsw in welcoming you.

It's a very good thing your husband is so open to treatment. Not everyone is. This shows he has the presence of mind to accept his situation. My wife has made her first overtures towards treatment recently and I plan to support her 100%.

But this doesn't change how hard it is to deal with the outbursts. I agree with pearlsw that learning not to JADE can often do a lot to diffuse a potentially explosive episode. I think the other side of coping is learning how to care for yourself.

Regarding this part, are any of your friends or family aware of the situation? Is there somewhere you and your kids can go when an outburst gets out of control?

~ROE

[CryWolf]

Hey Els,

any update on your situation?