In the past with my caretaker tendencies I would have tried to drag what was happening out of her. Insist she tell me what happened, etc. ... .so that I could try and help her see it in a new light, or solve it for her altogether.  Contact the T myself to see what is going on... .Bleh 

This time I just said.  "OK,  do you want to talk about it?"
Her response to that was to try to suck me into a conflict about "now I want to talk to her?... ." which morphed into another trap when I addressed that.  At this point I said, "I hope you feel like you can talk to me about this later. Right now I think the upset feelings won't let us have a good conversation."  I then went upstairs.

She then proceeded to dissociate into a Netflix marathon for a day. 

This morning I got ready for work.  Got our son ready for daycare. 
At times like this she will usually avoid me and walk around the other end of her car to get in as I put our son in the car.  Avoiding a chance at a sweet goodbye (kiss/hug) and internalizing that I don't want to do that... .etc... .shame... (we have talked about this).

THIS MORNING I sat in the driver seat heating up the car a little for our son (tiny bit chilly) and made a point to wait for her to come to get in before getting out.

I got out and smiled and spread my arms for a hug.  She fought smiling really hard.  I gave her a kiss good bye and said "let's make it a good day"

I think something good happened in therapy.  Bad as far as she sees it.  But good for the long term.  He struck a chord on something.  Something that she won't talk to me about, which means it is most likely true whatever it is.  I hope she goes back, but I have not argued with her about it, or begged her to go.  It's up to her.   Disappointed?  yes.  But this has nothing to do with my well being.  I'm still going and she knows it.

She did phrase it as "I don't want to see (T's Name) anymore"  so I am hoping that she just means this particular therapist.  But we will see.

Zachira,
   Thanks for re framing this a little for me.   I like your suggestion about the final session option.
I will propose that to her after I see the T this weekend.  We see the same T and alternate weeks.

When I say alternate, I mean, she tries to go every other week   and if she doesn't then I go.  So I have gone more than her as a result.

Our T said he felt like he was getting close with her but he was still unsure of some sort of definitive diagnosis yet.  I feel that might change after this.    I think he challenged her on some things after realizing I was not some sort of charming narcissist myself.  We talked the week before about some things about my childhood I haven't talked to my wife about.

He keeps hinting that I have PTSD from my current relationship, but he is not saying it because I think he could see I didn't want to hear it yet.  The cognitive dissonance of loving someone who is hurting you is hard to digest.  Much like an abusive parent.

In reference to me he'll say "sometimes that happens when someone has experienced intense trauma"  or "That can happen with PTSD".  I just keep talking and don't ask.  I can see him smiling about this.    I am realizing it is true, just haven't talked with him about it directly.

Another thing:
I'm not sure the T is aware she doesn't want to return yet.  But I will see him this weekend and discuss.  Might email sooner. For all I know she will go to therapy the following week like she never said that.  You never know!

Yeah, my T is a good one from what I can tell although the biweekly with the same T was my doing.  I searched down someone with a long experience with BPD type behavior and planned to go every week with the HOPE that she would start going biweekly.

I have no idea what happened at her session.  He could have very simply said he thought she should come more often than me.  Setting off, persecution, shame, etc.  So many possibilities, but none of that matters.

It is definitely frustrating to have picked a BPD type partner.  I have talked with my therapist about the irony of the whole thing.  Being raised in a dysfunctional family, and then being self aware enough to know I didn't want a relationship like that.  Seeking out a relationship full of love and acceptance. And so, when I met my wife, when the love bombing happened, I couldn't see anything else except that I had found someone that REALLY loved me.  In retrospect there were red flags but the excitement of finding someone who seemingly loved me unconditionally blinded me.  So in my effort to avoid a relationship like this, I somehow ended up right here.    

A very healthy decision to not press her about going to therapy and to continue in therapy yourself. So many times we sabotage a person we want to help by wanting that person to get better more than they do, and we end up seeing a lot of resistance, and relapses. Part of therapy can be to address how much we care about this person and how it hurts when they do not accept our help and continue on a self destructive path.

How are things going?