Introduction: between bargaining and depression

[Chela]

I recently realized that my mother has BPD. This realization came from discussions about BPD in a psychology class. Further research on the symptoms made it click. I started reading "Stop Walking on Eggshells". This has been both challenging and enlightening. In terms of the grieving process of realizing that someone so important to me has BPD I'm definitely jumping between bargaining and depression.
I have a counselor at college, but he is gone for the summer so I needed to reach out for more support and understanding. Just another person/people who get whats going on and can just say "yeah, this really sucks". I'm not quite ready to be proactive, I just need to work on acceptance.

[Harri]

Hi Chela and welcome to the board.  You are in the right place to talk with others who have experienced similar realizations about a family member with BPD.  So many of us can relate and we are all at different places in the process from discovery to acceptance and beyond.

I am glad you posted and decided to reach out for help and support while your T is away.  We can support you and definitely sympathize with you regarding your situation.

Please post more as you feel able.  You can gain a lot just by posting and reading here.

[Woolspinner2000]

Hi Chela!

I'd like to join Harri in welcoming you to our online family! You'll certainly find lots of information here as well as many others who truly understand.

May I ask how old you are? I wonder if you are a young college student or an older one like I was who returned to college when I was 46. In one of my classes we had a chapter about psychology and within those pages was a section about personality disorders. When I read about BPD, it was like for you: something clicked. What a relief and also a shock!

How are you feeling now that you've had this discovery? How long ago did you find this out?

 
Wools

[HappyChappy]

Hey Chela,

Can I join Harri and Wools in welcoming you. I found acceptance came slowly over time. But it came, and it was glorious once it had. You have come to this much younger than  I, so hopefully acceptance will be easier for you ?

Validation of all the odd things in your childhood should help with acceptance. A BPD denies so much, sometime we believe the hype. This forum is very good at validation, because people with BPD do share a lot of predictable behaviour. Also we children of BPD don’ tend to be judgmental, quiet the opposite, and do tend to be high on empathy. So it is also reassuring to see we are among good company.

I found this forum helped with acceptance better than anywhere , in that my friends said my childhood sounds like nothing they have ever experienced but can we help any way. I also struggled to find a Therapist with an in depth knowledge of BPD, which I guess is only an issue with the acceptance part. My T would be a little surprised at some of my stories. So do feel free to recount aspects of your BPD you found hard to deal with. Talk about behaviour that triggers bad memories or anixiety, or things that are bothering you. You were unfairly treated as a child, time for you to mouth of about it in a safe place. What would be your three biggest bugbears about your BPD or childhood ?