Self Esteem - What?

[Learning2Thrive]

On my healing journey, I have come to realize that my self esteem is in very sad shape. *cry*. How could it be anything else when you’ve never been taught that you were worthy of even your own time much less anyone else’s time.

I recognize this is an area of weakness and a great source of pain. Being the determined gal that I am, I have set out to build myself a healthy, well balanced self esteem at age 53. 

Like any good building, my self esteem needs a solid foundation. Since I am starting this process way behid the curve, I want need a self esteem that has extra reinforcements.

To provide the strong mortar mix I need for my foundation, I am collecting quotes that I can keep on hand to read over and meditate on daily. If you have a favorite, please share yours. Together we could build a marvelous list that can benefit all.

I will start by sharing a beautiful quote I just discovered. Tonight I came across this quote made in a post on another board (I think it was Gotbushels):

One thing that helped me heaps was this thing from David Burns:

Self-esteem can be viewed as your decision to treat yourself like a beloved friend. Imagine that some VIP you respect came unexpectedly to visit you one day. How might you treat that person? You would wear your best clothes and offer your finest wine and food, and you would do everything you could to make him feel comfortable and pleased with his visit. You would be sure to let him know how highly you valued him, and how honored you were that he chose to spend some time with you. Now—why not treat yourself like that? Do it all the time if you can!

We should be that important to ourselves. Anyone else have any favorites? Please share 

L2T

[Panda39]

L2T,

Love yours! 

For me part of finding my way back to my self-esteem was no longer listening to the critics, so I like this one... .



Don't give the power to define yourself to someone else.

Panda39

[Learning2Thrive]

Oooh yes I LOVE that one, Panda!

I stumbled across this one this morning:

“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection”
― Sharon Salzberg

Sending our bpdfamily smiles and lots of love today,
L2T

[Learning2Thrive]

One more before I head to work:

“Dare to love yourself as if you were a rainbow with gold at both ends.”
― Aberjhani, Journey through the Power of the Rainbow: Quotations from a Life Made Out of Poetry

I love the visual image this one gives. Makes me smile. Today I’m going to imagine I am a rainbow with gold at both ends and treat myself accordingly. 

Love and smiles to my bpdfamily! Rock on with your awesome selves today.

[Harri]

Hi L2T and Panda!     Cool thread.

Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars. Kahlil Gibran

[Woolspinner2000]

Hi L2T,

Thank you for this great idea for a thread!

I'll share something my T told me when I first began in T, and I have clung to it with desperation, wanting to believe it. Now I'm finally learning it is absolutely true.

"Who I am, who God made me to be down deep in my core, can never be changed, altered, or inhibited by my circumstances, even if all hell breaks loose."

 
Wools

[Learning2Thrive]

Thanks for joining in Wools!   
I am really enjoying everyone’s quotes! This exercise is giving me more for my gotta read that book list, too.

I found this one a few minutes ago and it very closely captures my heart on the brave person I would like to become:

“If you celebrate your differentness, the world will, too. It believes exactly what you tell it—through the words you use to describe yourself, the actions you take to care for yourself, and the choices you make to express yourself. Tell the world you are one-of-a-kind creation who came here to experience wonder and spread joy. Expect to be accommodated.”
― Victoria Moran, Lit From Within: Tending Your Soul For Lifelong Beauty

[Panda39]

Totally having fun with this!  What a great way to start my day as I sit here with my coffee... .positive reinforcement.  Love what everyone is sharing.     Panda39

[Learning2Thrive]

Panda, those are FANTASTIC!

Here’s my contribution today:

“Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world.”
– Lucille Ball

I loved Lucy!

L2T

[Learning2Thrive]

You have been criticizing yourself for years, and it hasn’t worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens.”
– Louise L. Hay

 

[Turkish]

This might seem contrarian, but I've always liked this quote from the NT: "Let nothing br done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each of you look out not only for his own interests,  but also for the interests of others." This sounds like a warning not to be narcissistic. In combination with "the meek shall inherit the Earth," it may sound weak. But I think that on meekness is strength, not caring how others view you.  Being kind, even to your enemies (my ex for a while.  My betrayer).

I feel that it took me finally finding my self-esteem to push through the drama with my ex and finally later a few years with my mom.  Meekness on my mind equaled not only giving them grace, but also grace to myself, because I finally realized that I was worthy of it. 

[Panda39]

Loving everyone's contributions!  Turkish your's is so you 

This one made me smile... .to me it's about loving your imperfections and aren't those imperfections what make us each so interesting! It took me a long time to realize that I didn't have to be prefect to be a good person... .to be loved... .



Panda39

[Learning2Thrive]

Thanks for joining in this thread, Turkish!

I don’t think you are contrarian at all. You offer your perspective based on your knowledge, beliefs and experiences. That is something healthy families do with each other.     Your heart to love and care for others shines.

Panda, your quote this morning is perfect for how I was feeling yesterday... .well, I I wasn’t feeling glorious but for a while when I let the negative voices start to chatter I was definitely a mess.   I’m definitely using that one next time I feel messy.

Hugs to all my awesome family here. I’m so thankful for the loving kindness you share. Now to get my coffee and find myself a new self esteem quote to share today.

L2T

PS Everyone is invited and welcome to share here. Even if you don’t have a specific quote, maybe you have thoughts or questions about self esteem? Share them. Ask them. Maybe you found a great artice on self esteem? Share it so we can read it and discuss it.

[Learning2Thrive]

Turkish’s post brought up an excellent thought/question for further consideration. See this is proof why it’s so awesome for us to share with each other here.  It helps us grow!

So my question:  What is the relationship between self-esteem and narcissism.

As I sip my coffee and research that question, I’ve come across a few quotes within an article that I’d like to share. Source at bottom of this post.

Narcissism encourages envy and hostile rivalries, where self-esteem supports compassion and cooperation. Narcissism favors dominance, where self-esteem acknowledges equality. Narcissism involves arrogance, where self-esteem reflects humility. Narcissism is affronted by criticism, where self-esteem is enhanced by feedback. Narcissism makes it necessary to pull down others in order to stand above them. Self-esteem leads to perceiving every human being as a person of value in a world of meaning.

... ."self-esteem is a fundamental human need, essential for survival." Their findings showed that a powerful and potentially productive shield against existential anxieties inherent in our human condition is the feeling that we are each a valuable member of a meaningful universe.

Source article: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/compassion-matters/201206/self-esteem-versus-narcissism

There’s more I want to explore on this topic. Alas, I must get moving out the door. Pup needs his walk... .and so do I.

  L2T

[Panda39]

I think the difference between self-esteem and narcissism is empathy.

Panda39

[Harri]

Does it count if I google these and suddenly just discover some?  My idea of self-esteem quotes are things like: 

Suck it up Harri, you can do it!

I don't care if you (meaning me) are scared, just do it.  What's a little fear?

__________________
“Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one’s definition of your life, but define yourself.”
– Harvey Fierstein

“Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one.”
– Eleanor Roosevelt

[Learning2Thrive]

Harri, everything counts on this thread. Google away and share anything you find that meets your fancy. Articles count. I want to understand self esteem as fully as I’m able. Both what it is and what it isn’t as well as motivational quotes.

   

[Harri]

More of my home grown wisdom (I am pretty sure I got it from somewhere, I'm just not sure where... .)

Said to myself:  I will support you in times of troubles.  I will celebrate your joys.  I will not support you in your self-defeat.  

I hear that being said in my head in a voice similar to James Earl Jones.  haha

Thanks L2T  

[Turkish]

The James Earl Jones from Field of Dreams, not Darth Vader I hope!

I think the difference between self-esteem and narcissism is empathy.

Panda39

Succinct way to put it. Like: "my care about myself is sufficient so that I can also care about you  "

[Learning2Thrive]

All excellent additions and thoughts! Yes, Panda. I definitely agree empathy must be a large part of self esteem.

Harri, like you, sometimes I use,  “Suck it up... .” and “What’s a little fear... .”  I’ve noticed though that if I am not careful with these, I can quickly spiral downward into self-berating talk. I think maybe healthy self-esteem says, “Suck it up and don’t be afraid to try. But if it doesn’t work out the way you hope, you’ve still learned something valuable. You are worthy of making an attempt.” Maybe?

A couple quotes from another article:

In contrast, self-esteem is related to parental warmth.  When parents treat their children affectionately and when they appreciate what they do, then they are likely to nurture self-esteem in their children rather than narcissism.

... .if you feel worth independent of the people around you, then you are willing to be generous with your time and your talents.   

People with high self-esteem can help other people to do great things without ever feeling as though other people’s achievements diminish them.

Author: Art Markman, Ph.D.
Source: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/ulterior-motives/201805/narcissism-is-not-just-high-self-esteem

Sending everyone lots of positive energy, gentle hugs and smiles today.

  L2T

[Kwamina]

I'm gonna quote Pete Walker who himself quoted the author Charlotte Brontë who put this in the mouth of Jane Eyre: "I care for myself. The more solitary, the more friendless, the more unsustained I am, the more I will respect myself.”

[Panda39]

Does it count if I google these and suddenly just discover some?  My idea of self-esteem quotes are things like: 

Suck it up Harri, you can do it!

I don't care if you (meaning me) are scared, just do it.  What's a little fear?

Ummm, have you seen what's at the bottom of all my posts... .

"Have you ever looked fear in the face and just said, I just don't care" -Pink

I'm right there with you sister 

James Earl Jones in Field of Dreams I hope... .Darth Vadar breaths too heavy... .would drive me up a tree!  Have I mentioned my Misophonia... .sensitivity to sound?

Okay, so my quote for the day... .


Panda39

[once removed]

So my question:  What is the relationship between self-esteem and narcissism.

healthy narcissism and positive self esteem are essentially the same thing.

unfortunately no inspirational quotes but still a good read! https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Healthy_narcissism

[Panda39]

Thanks for sharing the link once removed, I particularly liked the comparison grid.  It's just those subtle (and sometimes not so subtle) differences, between the healthy and unhealthy.

Panda39

[Harley Quinn]

Brilliant topic L2T!

I'm working with my therapist on a CBT approach to low self esteem.  I was raving to a friend about the excellent package that we're working through and my super smart (nerd) friend went off and found the resource!  It might be helpful for yourself and others so thought I'd share the link:

https://tinyurl.com/aqge88p

Obviously I'm being guided and supported through this and it's all being expanded upon and made personal to me, but even reading through and doing the exercises alone I'm imagining could be useful. 

Now I'm in the thread I'll be back with some quotes, as I love my quotes 

Some fantastic ones here.  Thanks for posting about this!

Love and light x

[Panda39]

HQ,

Thanks for sharing that information packet.  The old me was all over the descriptions in that packet, the descriptions are very very familiar.

I never looked at the link between low-self esteem and depression I experienced both and I think I always saw them as separate things.  The information you provided talks about folks with low self-esteem being at risk for depression.  In thinking about the two it's almost like what comes first the the chicken or the egg... .they each can cause each other... .neither leading anywhere good.

Panda39

[Learning2Thrive]

Kwamina, once removed, and Harley Quinn, thank you so much for joining this thread.  

Thanks for the link, HQ! Wow, there’s a LOT there. I need — and am going — to take time to explore it. If anyone missed it, here’s the link again:
www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/resources/infopax.cfm?Info_ID=47

Here is my quote for today:

Weird is a side effect of AWESOME.
~Author unknown.

  L2T

[Harley Quinn]

I've been doing one section a fortnight with homework... .So yes taking time over it would be a good move.  It has been helpful to digest in bitesized chunks.  I could easily speed read it and not apply any of it to myself and I think my T realises that    Love today's quote!

Love and light x

[Harley Quinn]

As you love yourself, life loves you back.  I don't think it has a choice either.  I can't explain how it works, but I know it to be true.

~ Kamal Ravikant, from his book, "Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends On It"

[Learning2Thrive]

Fot today... .googled and liked this one very much. No author cited:

“Your relationship with yourself sets the tone for every other relationship you have.”

  L2T